


Model Behavior

by Shippingtheswann



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 21:43:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 71,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20881145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shippingtheswann/pseuds/Shippingtheswann
Summary: Emma is an up and coming model living in LA with her best friend Ruby. Killian is a star baseball player for the LA Dodgers. Their families are close - and they grew up together. However, what happens after not seeing each other for 6 years - when they are forced back into a situation that requires them to reconnect and explore what was once there.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter One 
> 
> A/N: Welcome welcome to the first installation of Model Behavior! I can’t wait for everyone to read this. I started this story right after I found out I was pregnant, so hopefully everything makes sense, as parts of the story were written during heavy morning sickness and very little sleep. I am due at the end of September, so be prepared for a few weeks of no updates while I tend to my new little one! I am so thankful to CSBB during this experience - as my third FF, it was amazing to get feedback and have so much support. 
> 
> Special shout out to Monica - the artist with this story. I have loved everything she has done for me - so make sure to check her out! 
> 
> Another huge shout out to Nicola - who beta read everything and tried to keep me on target (she had to deal with a lot of random sentences as my pregnancy brain really went into effect). Without her, the story wouldn’t be the same! 
> 
> As always, reviews are wonderful and really help!

For someone who seemed to have her whole life together, everything seemed to be falling to shit. She had been getting enough steady gigs lately that she was able to quit her job as a waitress and focus fully on her modeling. Being a model in LA wasn’t the easiest job in the world, mostly because you never actually had a steady paycheck. She loved modeling though. She loved the friends she made and she actually really enjoyed being in front of the camera. Yet even though she had a job she loved that was now bringing in a steady paycheck, her life was falling apart.

Just last night, she walked into her apartment, the one she shared with her boyfriend Neal, the one that she actually paid for, to find him in their bed with Tamara, another model they knew. The scene she had walked into made her physically ill. Never in her life did she ever expect to be betrayed in the way she was. She spent that night at Ruby and Lacey’s apartment, drinking multiple bottles of wine and deciding that in the morning, while Neal was at a shoot, she was going to get his shit out of her apartment and wash her hands clean of him. 

However, now that she was packing up the apartment - well, throwing his crap in garbage bags and ignoring the hundreds of texts she was getting from him - she knew for a fact that if she didn’t get out of LA for a while, she was just going to forgive him and things would stay the same as they are now. She always had a feeling that Neal was cheating; they had been together for two years and throughout the whole relationship she never felt like he was being truthful with her. She never thought that she would physically catch him in the act. But even knowing what happened, she still knew that she would eventually go back to him. He was all she knew. She had to clear her head in order to get over him and over his shit. 

“I can’t believe you are really going to go back home,” her best friend Ruby said from her closet. It was seriously the best part of her apartment. She would sleep in there if her bed wasn’t so comfortable. 

“I have to get away from all this bullshit Rubes. If I don’t, then it will happen all over again.” Emma never thought she would be the one to stay with a cheater, but something inside of her told her she would forgive Neal if she didn’t give herself room to heal. 

“Emma, you know you could just go to Palm Springs or San Diego. You don’t have to schlep all the way to Virginia to get away,” her friend pleaded.

“Mom’s been bugging me to come home. Plus Henry’s graduating from high school in a few days and I haven’t seen him since I moved out here. I wasn’t going to go - you know I hate home - but it really is the best place for me to be,” she replied. 

She knew Ruby wouldn’t really understand it. Lacey would never cheat on her, not in a million years. Ruby would never know why Emma needed the distance she needed. Plus, maybe it was finally time to go home, to truly face what happened six years ago. 

“Alright babe, but I’m gonna miss you!” Ruby smiled as she placed a few more outfits in Emma’s suitcase. 

“What are you going to do while I’m gone?” Emma asked, trying to change the subject. She was done talking about Neal and her trip. She was done - period. 

“Lacey and I have two gigs, but other than that I’ve picked up some shifts at the diner,” Ruby said, a secret look flashing across her face. 

“Why? Does Granny need help?” Emma asked. Ruby’s grandma runs the diner they all used to work at. Emma didn’t really want to quit the diner, but at the same time, she didn’t want to be a waitress for the rest of her life; she wanted to focus on her career. Ruby had quit a few months before her. They had a few other friends who worked there, but none of them were as successful in their careers as Emma had become. She didn’t quite understand why Ruby would be needing to work again at the diner. 

“No, I’m actually trying to save some extra money,” she said shyly. Ruby was never shy. 

“Why? Ruby, what’s going on?” she asked. Ruby was never this coy about something. 

“I am going to ask Lacey to marry me!” With Ruby’s confession, Emma’s jaw dropped. She had known Ruby and Lacey each for almost six years, since she moved out to LA. They had been a couple for four of those years, but Emma never thought she would see them get engaged and married. Their relationship was new for the both of them; they had only had boyfriends before. Emma could see the love they shared for each other though. It was just Ruby and Lacey had both said marriage wasn’t something they wanted in their lives. 

“Oh my God?! Really?” Emma couldn’t hide the shock from her voice.

“Yes! I never thought I would feel this way. We’ve actually been talking about it for a while now. I just feel it’s time. There is no one else in the world for me.” Ruby’s voice cracked at her admission, the love pouring from her mouth. 

Emma couldn’t help but start to cry at her friend’s love. She thought that one day that would be her and Neal. She thought that she had the same thing in her life. She was excited for her friend - 100% - but she was still really upset over what had happened. She knew it was petty, but she also knew Ruby would understand. 

“Oh Emma, I’m sorry!” she apologized, even though no apology was needed. 

“No, I’m sorry Ruby. I am so excited for you! You guys are the perfect couple! I’m just still angry over Neal. I mean, we were all just talking about when Neal and I would get engaged,” Emma cried - for the last time she swore to herself. 

“Hey, if I ever see Neal again, I will crucify him. I literally want to take every knife and fork and just graze them over his body until he slowly bleeds to death. I hate him for what he has done to you!” her response got a well deserved laugh from Emma - finally brightening the mood she had been stuck in. 

“God Ruby, you are way too descriptive!” Emma laughed. 

“Granny always said I should have been a writer,” Ruby added cheerfully. “Come on, let's get your perky ass packed so you don’t miss this flight. The sooner I drop your ass off, the sooner you’ll be back here.”

Emma’s flight was leaving at eleven, which meant she needed to be there before nine. It didn’t leave her a lot of time to pack up Neal’s shit, pack her bag and drive to LAX from West Hollywood. All of this on a Thursday morning as well! It definitely wasn’t going to be easy but Emma felt good now that they were traveling in Ruby’s bright red mustang, top down and her hair floating in the wind. 

Fate must be paying her back for the shitty night she had, because traffic was light and they made it to LAX with almost 30 minutes to spare. 

“Alright so Lacey is meeting with the locksmith now. Neal’s shit is on the front porch so when you get back, all of this will be history,” Ruby reminded her as they unloaded Emma’s suitcase onto the curb of the terminal. Emma took her friend into a tight embrace. 

“Thanks for everything Ruby,” Emma sighed. She wished that even though she was running from her problems again, she could bring her best friend along. 

“Of course Em. Besides, this getaway will be good for you. Now, get your ass on that plane and have a good time. We both know you’re going to be back in three weeks, you have no choice!” her friend winked. 

Ruby had spilled her plan for the proposal as they were speeding down the 405. She was going to propose to Lacey at Ruby’s grandmother’s house, a month from now. She already had the ring picked out - she just needed the down payment, which was why she was working those extra shifts. She told Lacey she was just helping Granny out since a girl quit. Ruby wanted everyone they were close with to be there and of course a huge party would follow. 

Ruby and Lacey were so similar. Both girls were the quintessential party girls; they knew how to hold their liquor, knew how to dance til the early morning hours and knew how to have a good time. When they first got together, Emma remembered the whirlwind year that followed the start of their relationship. They were all out till the wee hours of the morning almost every weekend. However, in the last few years, things have calmed down. They were still both hilarious and filled with life though. 

But there was something else that Emma had to come back to LA for. Emma was taking a huge loss in pay thanks to this extended trip home (she made a mental note to try and get some rent money out of Neal for this shit). She had a lot riding on her upcoming go-see two days after she gets back. It would be her biggest one yet. Ruby and Lacey were also going on the go-see. Emma couldn’t help but be nervous - this would make or break their careers - or at least it felt like that. 

Emma had been a model for a few major companies over the past two years, but it was her newest contract with Michael Khors and Monique Lhuillier that had allowed her to take a break from waitressing. Now, she would have the opportunity to actually walk a runway. It was something that had alluded her in the past. Sure, it wasn’t during fashion week, and yes, it was for the Victoria's Secret fashion show but, she still saw it as a step ahead for her career. She was pretty sure they would give Ruby the job over her, but she was still excited for the opportunity. 

“I’ll see you in three weeks. You know I’ll be texting you every day, keeping you updated on my crazy family,” Emma replied, with nothing but the truth. Ruby lived for Emma’s crazy stories about her family, especially Emma’s eccentric (the only word Emma could nicely use) step-grandmother. If you could even call her that. 

“Oh thank God you are seeing the Evil Queen! That woman is off the charts!” Ruby yelled, pulling Emma back in for another hug. 

“Alright, alright. Let me go. Besides, I think you are about to be ticketed,” Emma said, looking at the cop who was walking towards the women. Ruby just flashed her a smile. 

“Please, you know I could get out of that ticket easily!” she said in a suggestive tone, but returned to her car. 

As she pulled away, Emma waved goodbye to her friend. At least one person in her life was happy. 

She always loved traveling, which was a major perk of modeling. Emma couldn’t explain the thrill she got when flying, but she loved being up in the air. The whole experience was amazing, from the check in, to the boarding, to the actual flying, Emma just loved traveling. 

When she checked in, she did get a bit of a laugh from the face of the ticket agent. Yes, Emma was a model, and yes, she was good looking, but Emma prided herself on being a strong and independent woman. So when she lifted her giant suitcases onto the scale, the ticket agent was so surprised that Emma lifted the 70 pound bags with ease, especially when he had issues moving the baggage to the conveyor belt. The surprise on the attendant’s face was just what Emma needed to lift her spirits back up after Ruby drove off. 

It took her about an hour to get through the TSA line, even with her pre-screen pass. She didn’t mind the wait. Instead of being angry at the lines and inconsistency of the TSA, she took the time to people watch. She spent a few minutes watching a family on their way back home from Disneyland. Emma really loved when parents allowed their children to continue to dress up as their favorite characters, even in public. There was a little girl with her hair in a long, thick braid, wearing her Rapunzel dress proudly while she walked around with her parents. It had been a long time since Emma had seen a set of parents as happy as the parents who were with the girl. They were beaming at their daughter who was singing “I see the light”. 

She also watched a couple in a fight. It hurt at first to watch them, reminding her of what she had dealt with for years. She hadn’t wanted to think of Neal during this trip, yet watching the couple bitch over their friends involvement in their personal lives made Emma’s mind wander to her own relationship. 

How could she have allowed herself to be in a situation like that for so long? She started out happy, enjoying getting to know Neal and just having fun. She wasn’t sure when things started to get bad, but all she remembered was one day she woke up and she wasn’t quite happy anymore. They had started fighting a lot, over stupid shit too. She remembered one distinctive fight, where Emma was pissed he wanted to wear sweatpants out to dinner with their friends. They spent the night apart, with a drink being thrown on her head and Neal calling her a bitch. Why they even stayed together after that was a mystery, but for another year she put up with his shit, until she had had enough. As she looked back to the couple while she moved through the line, she hoped they wouldn’t see the same fate her relationship had. 

By the time she made it to her gate, she had an hour before boarding, so she got a bagel (a bit of a splurge on her end, since she mostly kept a strict diet) and decided to catch up on her newest book. She loved reading, but she especially loved reading those poorly written smut books. It was like putting her brain in a coma. She got peace from reading the plotless and poorly written words. To her, it was like watching horrible TV shows; she was able to just read it and forget everything that was going on in her world. 

It worked, and before she knew it, they were calling first class boarding. 

Normally, she wasn’t one to travel first class. When she traveled for work, they always put her in coach with the other lower models. There were only a few times that the companies would splurge for first class seats, but Emma didn’t care either way. She still got frequent flier miles, which she was using today to get home. Seeing as how she was traveling home, not exactly her first choice of destination, she might as well splurge and be nice and relaxed on the flight. 

As she boarded, she noticed she was the only one seated in the area, which was an additional bonus. She could drown out everything around her, get lost in her book, and try not to have an anxiety attack about why she was going home.

“Ms. Nolan, would you like some champagne? Maybe a Mimosa before we take off?” the leggy stewardess asked as Emma took off her jacket and handed it to the woman. It was the one thing Emma constantly wished she had. She was tall, but not as tall as some other models, which made entering the runway world difficult. She would kill for long gorgeous legs like her stewardess had.

“Yes, please,” Emma replied, as she slid into her seat to watch the baggage carriers load up the luggage into the plane. 

It had been six long years since Emma moved out to LA and left her life in DC behind. Six years since her heart had broken. Six years since she ran from her troubles. 

Six years ago

Graduation day was supposed to be one of the best days of her life. She thought it would be a day she would look back on years from now and remember all of the good times she had in high school. She wasn’t the most popular, but she had friends who meant the world to her and who supported her. 

Her mother was excited to throw this party for her. Any chance for her mother to throw a party, she took. She swore that her mother was a queen stuck in a different time. The woman lived for parties and events like this. Their backyard had been transformed into a summer soiree. The ladies were required to wear giant hats and dresses and the men were to wear seersucker suits. Yes, this was supposed to be a party for Emma, but her mother had once again gone way over what Emma wanted. 

Emma wasn’t so excited for the party, but she was excited for who was going to be attending the party. She looked over at a couple who were standing next to her mom and dad. Both of them tall with dark brown hair. Adelaide and Brennan Jones had moved into the house next to the Nolans when Emma was eight. They had two sons and one daughter. Their eldest son Liam was over near the swingset that the Nolans had put up for Emma’s younger brother. Their daughter, Aibhilin, was sitting down at a table eating the chicken her mother had catered for the event. However, Emma wasn’t excited to see them. She was excited to see their middle child. 

Killian was 4 years older than Emma and had been away at college during Emma’s run at high school. She would be lying if she said she didn’t have a bit of a crush on the guy. He was gorgeous, but his heart and soul were what attracted Emma to him for the past few years. 

Normally every Christmas Killian and Liam came home for, the two families would get together for a Christmas Eve meal and White Elephant game night. For the past three years, Emma had always sat next to Killian and he was always so interested in what she was doing and how her life was going. Conversation between them always flowed easily. Emma loved hearing his stories of college in the crazy city of Vegas. She was enthralled with his tales of college ball and his team’s road to victory at the previous year's college World Series. Emma remembered the year before when her dad gave Killian the cold shoulder a bit because his team had beaten her dad’s team in the finals by one run in overtime. 

This year though, Killian was unable to come home for Christmas. It gutted her to see the seat normally reserved for him empty next to her. Yet, she was relieved when she got a message from him on AIM a few days later apologizing for missing what he called “one of the best things about coming home”. He didn’t explain why he wasn’t able to come home, just that he missed her and he hoped her year was going well. He asked about her plans for after graduation and asked how Henry was doing. They spent about 3 hours that night just talking about things they would have talked about at dinner and it was amazing. 

They had spent the past five months having conversations every other day; just talking about anything and everything. He helped her with college applications and she helped him write his final for his Shakespeare class. She knew he was surprised when she gave him insight into A Midsummer Night's Dream; she could tell even though they were miles apart. Their conversations started innocent at first, but about a month in, they turned a bit flirty. 

Killian would ask her about her love life and when she said she didn’t have anyone special, he said something that had Emma thinking. A friend wouldn’t just tell another friend (one who grew up next door to you) that you deserved someone who would devote their life to you, someone that knew how amazing you were. It was during that conversation that things began to change, at least on her end. However, she didn’t think it was one sided. Whenever she flirted, he flirted back. 

About two weeks ago, he dropped the bomb. He was actually going to be coming home for her graduation. He almost didn’t get the weekend off, since his team was in the World Series again and it was during the semifinals, but the schedule worked out so that he was able to take a two day trip home to see everyone. He had some big news he had to tell her and she had been on pins and needles ever since. 

Her nerves didn’t really get the best of her until that day and her friends took notice. Of course they already knew a bit of what was happening, but they didn’t really understand how Emma had fallen in love with a guy who lived thousands of miles away, while only talking over the internet. 

“Emma, come on, we are going to sneak over to the Jones’ yard and do some shots,” her friend Lily whispered to her. 

“You know I can’t leave,” Emma retorted. Yes, she wanted to have a good time with her friends, but she didn’t want to miss Killian’s arrival. He had told her two days ago he would arrive around noon, but it was now 12:30 and Emma was getting worried. 

“Come on Swan, he isn’t showing up,” she heard Lily’s boyfriend Victor say. She hated it when he used her nickname her friends gave her when she was young. She had always thought that name was reserved for her closest friends and Victor was not one of them. He was just some fuck boy that Lily was screwing around with until she left for college. 

“Shut up Victor,” she said under her breath.

“Emma, he isn’t going to show up in the two minutes we take to sneak over and do a few shots,” Lily pleaded.

Emma looked at her friend, who had been with her since they were young. Lily knew Killian, knew of Emma’s crush on him, but she didn’t know that Emma was head over heels for Killian, didn’t know that Killian had something to tell her. And even though Emma wanted to stay in her yard, with her eyes trained on the backdoor, she decided that maybe if she didn’t focus on Killian, he would show up.

It’s like when you are at a restaurant. If someone gets up to go to the bathroom, your food will come quicker. However, if everyone waits at the table and stares at the waitress, the food seems to take forever to come. 

So off they snuck into the Jones’ backyard to have some shots. Emma wasn’t really a drinker, but she found herself drinking more when Lily was around. It started out small enough, a drink before the homecoming dance the previous year, a few drinks at a party after junior prom, but this year the drinking with her friends had been taken to a whole new level. Normally, Emma didn’t really participate, willing to be the DD while everyone else got shitfaced, but today was different. Today, maybe she needed the liquid luck. 

Lily was right - they were only gone a few minutes and Emma was hopeful that Killian would be waiting in the yard when they got back. She was heartbroken to find out he still wasn’t there. 

The rest of the party went in similar fashion. Emma waited and waited for Killian to show up. About once an hour Lily begged Emma to come and have another drink. She again said she didn’t want to miss him, but by 4, she realized something. He wasn’t coming. It was in that moment that she said fuck it and decided to get drunk. It was the first time Emma actually got drunk and it was in the tree house Killian used to play in as a child. 

If her parents knew she was drunk, they didn’t say anything. But that didn’t stop her mother from patronizing Emma every chance she got. “Emma you really should mingle with your guests”, “Emma, stop sitting around and smile”, “Oh Emma is moving to Los Angeles at the end of the week, she is going to study at UCLA.” She loved how her mother completely ignored her real reason for moving; to pursue her dream of a modeling career. But to her mother, modeling was a silly hobby. The only way her parents would help her move was if Emma also enrolled in college. At least her father kept trying to get her mother off her back. 

If anyone knew anything, they didn’t say it. Instead, most of the party guests just ignored Emma and her friends. She knew Lily was trying to lighten her mood, but Victor was just being an ass. By 6 Emma was done, done with the life she was living, done with her mother’s condescending tone, done with her friends, and done with Killian Jones. 

As she entered her packed room though, she knew she wasn’t really done with Killian. He had hurt her by not showing up. He didn’t call her to tell her he would be absent from the party. However, maybe he did try to message her. Her computer was thankfully still unpacked, so she turned her away message off and took a look at their running messages. 

Her heart dropped when she saw that there was nothing. He hadn’t cared at all. Sure, the thought passed through her mind that something had happened to him, but his parents didn’t seem concerned. Truthfully, it didn’t matter to her in that drunken filled moment. All that mattered was he had promised her that he would be there and he had broken that promise. 

She started typing out the message. The final message she would ever send to him. 

“Jones, why aren’t you here? Why didn’t you show up? What the fuck is going on? You promised me you would be here, promised that I would have some support today, yet you couldn’t bother to show up. How dare you play with me like this. Screw you asshat, don’t bother talking to me ever again.”

She hit send before she could talk herself out of it. She ended their friendship in that moment, unwilling to hear any apology he had to offer. She promised herself in that moment that never again in her life would she allow herself to feel this heartbroken again. 

She hadn’t thought about that moment in a long time, but the mimosa she had just chugged forced her to relive that horrible day six years ago. She had allowed herself to feel something for someone and that person broke her heart. It took her four years to rebuild herself after that devastating day. Sure, she hadn’t been in a real relationship and sure, Killian wasn’t her boyfriend, but she felt so betrayed that day. She had allowed herself to depend on him, allowed herself to believe in him and all it brought her was disappointment. 

And now, here she was again, running away when something bad happened. Neal had played with her heart and emotions just as Killian had. Neal had definitely done worse by sleeping with a whore, but it still reminded her of the pain she felt with Killian. 

She also knew it was stupid for her to even compare the two. Killian had never really played her, at least not truly. But he never did reach out to her again, never tried to apologize. She had always felt really stupid for even hating Killian the way she did, but he had become her best friend in a matter of months, then suddenly dropped off the face of the Earth. Didn’t she have the right to be pissed, to be heartbroken, to hate the jackass that made her question the other relationships she had in her life?

Thankfully, the stewardess brought her another mimosa. At least she was pretty sure Killian wouldn’t be home for the summer. Her mother did let it slip once last year during their mandatory monthly phone call that Killian hadn’t been home since that last Christmas meal they all shared together. 

Normally, Emma steered the conversation with her mother away from the going ons at home to what Emma was doing, even if it meant that Emma had to hear the disappointment in her mother’s voice about Emma’s job choices. As long as she didn’t have to hear about the Jones family, she didn’t care. 

The boarding procedure had passed and the stewardesses were beginning to close the cabin door when she heard someone yell out “Wait!” 

For the first time since getting on the plane, Emma actually watched what unfolded in front of her. A man rushed aboard the plane, sunglasses and a baseball cap covering his face. He was dressed in dark washed jeans and a leather jacket, which seemed stupid considering the LA heat. The hat was of course the local team’s hat, almost everyone wore one once in their life if they lived there. He handed his ticket to the attendant who motioned him to to sit down across the aisle from Emma. 

Shit, she thought to herself, she was hoping to be alone up here and now someone else was joining. He was across the other side of the plane but still, she didn’t want to have a discussion with some stranger on a plane. 

The man shrugged out of his jacket, showing off an amazing set of arms in a dark t-shirt and sat down next to the window. His hat and glasses were firmly attached to his face.

Looking at his profile, Emma suddenly felt different. It was like she knew him from somewhere. Maybe she modeled with him once, maybe he had been a customer at the diner. She couldn’t really tell or place him. But something in Emma’s gut was telling her that she knew the man in the glasses. 

The stewardess made one more round as the plane backed away from the gate. It was as the woman was passing by her fellow first class flyer that she was finally allowed to determine where she knew him. 

“Mr. Jones, is there anything I could get you?” the stewardess asked, prompting the man to remove his glasses and hat, revealing the man she hadn’t laid eyes on in over 7 years.


	2. Chapter Two

To be a star baseball player - or at least Rookie of the Year - Killian thought this new season was going to be a walk in the park. Last year, Killian found himself starting for the Dodgers after graduating only five years earlier. Most of the time, it took players ten years to make it to the majors from college, but Killian was drafted into the minor’s right from college, putting him on a Triple A team immediately. The talk that surrounded him did make him cocky, but he also knew he did have all the shit going on that everyone said he had. 

Since those years, he trained, worked his ass off, and finally made the majors. The season had been amazing! His team made the World Series and while they may not have won, he felt like he was on cloud nine. Coming into the new season, he was prepared to make it back this year and actually take the title home. However, that all went to shit when he played the Padres in San Diego earlier in the year. 

He wasn’t too concerned about playing the team; they were predicted to have an easy win against them. The Padres had lost a majority of their players last season, so the line up was new. What Killian didn’t know at the time was that someone who could ruin his career was now a player for the Padres. 

His history with Robert Gold was complicated and long, but he never thought he would be playing against the man again. He had played him a bit in the minors, but Gold wasn’t as good a player. He was a bit older, and if Killian was being truthful, too crippled to play well anymore. Gold was at least ten years older than him and had been injured a few years prior. Killian never thought he would play him in the majors, yet there he was, pitching to Killian during the starting inning of the game. 

Killian was fourth to bat - the best position to be in. His job was to get everyone home and he was really good at it. First throw and he hit Gold’s ball right out of the park. Yeah, he was a bit cocky about it. The smug smile on his face told Gold everything he was feeling. Gold had fucked around with his girlfriend, and yes, they may have gotten married last year, but the one thing Gold couldn’t beat him at was winning the game. Killian was a winner and that is what he was going to do today. He wasn’t going to let Gold actually get the best of him, not now, not after everything. 

For the next few innings, things went the same way; Killian would come to bat and immediately hit Gold’s ball out of the field. Each time, his cocky smile would grow. During the sixth inning, he actually heard Gold curse at him as he ran to first base when his ball soared into the air. It was in that moment that Killian felt really good, like every shit thing that had ever happened in his life didn’t matter. If only that moment would have lasted.

The next inning, his life took a turn he never thought would happen. He was back up to bat, three runners on base. His team was up by 12 runs, the game already in the bag, and each extra run they got was icing on the cake. He prepared himself for the ball that Gold was going to throw; he knew it was going to be the same pitch as the last six innings. In the back of his mind, he knew something was up. Gold may have been a lousy player, but anyone who had played ball in their lives knew that you changed up pitches if the hitter was hitting the ball. Yet there he was, still pitching a fastball, one that was really easy for Killian to hit. 

However, the next pitch was anything but normal. The smirk that Gold was showing should have been the last red flag in Killian’s mind, but he was too cocky to really notice it. It was too late to respond and Killian got hit right in the face with the ball. He had been hit with 97 mile an hour balls before, yet getting hit right in the face hurt way more than he expected. Without thinking through his reaction, he threw his bat towards the mound and ran like the wind, tackling the old man to the ground. The worst thing was that as he had the man pinned to the ground, he heard him say he would give his regards to Milah. He landed a few punches before he felt his teammates pulled him off. 

He heard his mate Will berating him as they dragged him off the field and into the clubhouse. He heard Robin trying to calm everyone down. However, he didn’t really realize what had happened until a few hours later. His coach chewed him out for a full hour, questioning why he would do something so stupid. He had never seen his coach so angry, including the time one of their teammates drove drunk and almost killed a guy. It was after his coach left him alone with his thoughts that he really got depressed. 

Had he really just ruined his career in a matter of seconds? He couldn’t believe that he would charge the mound and throw punches, even if the man was Gold. He had trained his whole life for this, spent his entire life playing ball and being the best at it and here he was, throwing it all away. Shit, he was going to have a whole lot to deal with and a whole lot to come back from, but he knew he couldn’t let his entire career go to waste over this. 

He ignored his phone for the next few hours while he waited to talk to his general manager. He already knew he would have a million missed calls from his father, all of which would be filled with cursing. The cursing would be in a language that Killian rarely spoke anymore and would convey just how disappointed his father was with him. He would deal with all of that later though. He now had to man up and apologize to his general manager, the man that had already given him every chance in the world.

“You really fucked up this time Jones,” he heard his general manager say as he entered the locker room. Just like Killian, Graham Humbert’s Northern Irish accent came out more when he was angry. 

“I know, I’m sorry. He just pushed me too far,” Killian tried to explain.

“He threw a ball at your face Jones, I get it, but you’ve been hit before and have never rushed the mound before. Now, you are facing a huge fine, the club is facing a huge fine, and your contract is on the line,” he growled. 

“I know I fucked this all up,” Killian agreed, knowing that being negative on himself would seriously help in this situation.

“You really did. I’m just not really sure where we go from here. You are going to get a fine, we just aren’t sure what that will be yet. I am sure the league will suspend you, but I have to control this shit storm now,” Graham started in on him. “You really fucked up. All I know is that you may be a damn good ball player, but your attitude and your temper is too much to deal with at the moment.”

Graham was right, Killian hadn’t been the calmest player in the league. He was known for screaming at others when calls were wrong or shitty situations happened. He was known for having a shitty attitude at practices when the coaches didn’t agree with him about things. He knew he had to grow up and change things, but he couldn’t help what happened when that ball hit his face. The rest he could change, should change, but this was something he would never sincerely apologize for. 

“For right now, just go home. We will have a meeting when I hear back from the league about your punishment. But I’m serious Killian, things are going to have to change, or I will look into taking out your contract and ripping it to shreds,” Graham finished, using his first name for the first time since he was hired to the team. Killian knew that wasn’t good, that whatever Graham was going to tell him when they talked again wouldn’t be good. 

For two days, he didn’t sleep. He didn’t really eat. He drank rum, snacked on some beef jerky and just sat on the couch with horrible TV shows playing in the background. He talked to his mother, still ignoring the calls from his father and the texts from his brother. His mother had always been the most supportive member of their family. She never pushed him to be anything more than happy. 

She tried to ask Killian to come home, promising him that coming home for the summer would help him to get back on track. Of course he didn’t want to come home. His father had always pushed him to be the best player he could be; he would never let him live this down. He loved his father, but at times the man was way too hard on him. Thankfully, when Killian told her that he didn’t even know what would happen to him, his mom dropped the suggestion and just talked about random things about home to get his mind off his impending doom. 

He missed home. Well, he missed parts of home. He hadn’t been home since Christmas his junior year of college. Yes, baseball had a season and he got the winter months off, but he could never bring himself to go home during that time, not after everything that happened. Not after being gone for so long. 

When Graham finally called him into his office at a six AM on a Thursday morning, Killian knew he was in for the worst news of his entire life. 

“Alright Jones, we have the final pass down from the league,” Graham began, as he entered the room with his coach and manager, Smee, following close behind. Smee looked scared, while his coach was just pissed. “The league has fined you twenty thousand and have suspended you for 2 weeks - no practice and no games. You aren’t allowed in the stadium at all during those two weeks.”

Killian’s shoulders dropped. However, his dropped shoulders were more from relief than anything else. It wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened; he knew guys who were suspended from the game for more time and for doing less.

“That’s not the end of it Jones, don’t look so relieved,” his coach grumbled from where he sat. 

“What does that bloody mean?” Killian questioned. 

“Well, while the league may have gone soft on you, because it was your first offense, that doesn’t mean that the team is going to go soft on you. We need to take a stance, and we also know that the league only passed down this light of a sentence on you because we said we wouldn’t be going soft. In addition to the two weeks, you are also getting one additional week suspension from the team, plus your starting position is now up for grabs. When you get back, it will not be yours, you will have to work for it. Robin will be filling the spot for now, and you will have to work to get it back from him if it is what you truly want. Your attitude and behavior during this suspension will determine if you are even welcomed back after the time is over,” Graham concluded, with nothing but indifference in his voice. 

Shit was all Killian could think, nothing actually coming out of his mouth. It was probably the first time in his life that he was utterly speechless. A three week suspension wasn’t as bad as a month or two, but still, the fact that Graham added another week and gave his position to his best mate was crazy. He worked hard for that spot, worked his ass off for years, only for it to be just handed to Robin. He loved the guy, but there was no way in hell the team would be able to make it through three weeks of Robin playing shortstop and Killian sidelined, not even allowed to be at practices. 

“You have to be bloody joking!” Killian cried. 

“Killian, you got off pretty light, considering Gold is threatening to sue you. The league could have done much worse, but they at least determined that Gold was mostly at fault for what happened. They saw that he purposefully threw that ball recklessly, so he has been fined and suspended too,” Smee started, but Killian quickly interrupted. 

“What do you mean?” he questioned. 

“Robert Gold has threatened to sue, which is why the league took two days to determine your punishment. They were only going to do a month suspension and smaller fine, but Gold threatened to sue. He is claiming you intentionally leaned into the ball. They were then going to move it up to a season suspension, but thankfully you have someone in your corner who said they heard Gold talking about purposefully doing things to just get your temper going. So the league came back with the suspension they are handing out. Gold is suspended for one week and has been fined ten thousand,” Graham added. 

“This is bullshit! The man purposefully tries to do serious bodily harm to me, he gets off less than me, and threatens to sue me! You have to be bloody insane!” Killian really couldn’t understand the shit that was happening. 

“Calm down Jones,” his coach barked. 

“You are getting off light, I promise. Just take these three weeks, redirect your temper, figure out if you can calm down and do this right. Then, come back and fight hard. This will not end you Jones, not unless you let it,” Graham added. 

Graham was right, he wasn’t going to let this break him. 

“And what the bloody hell am I supposed to do for three weeks? Sit at home on my ass?” Killian asked. If he wasn’t supposed to train at the club, what was he supposed to do? He was already in shape, he needed to play, and this ban stopped him from really doing what he loved.

“Well, I think we have the perfect idea,” Graham began. “Smee told me your mother asked you to come home for the summer. I think it would be a good idea for you to get out of the area, take some real time to determine if you can come back from this. There are a ton of parks in Virginia that will allow you to practice there, if you want, or you can just focus on yourself. Your skill won’t disappear Killian, in fact, it may get better if you leave it for a bit. Focus on your temper, on your attitude, then come back and work on your game.”

Killian actually blanched when Graham suggested that he goes home during his three week suspension. It would be worse than actually having to sit around and watch his mates practice and play games. It would be worse than a year long suspension actually. He loved his family, but three weeks with them, with the questions, with the disappointment, was something he knew he couldn’t handle. If Graham wanted him to work on his anger and attitude, sending him home was something that wasn’t going to help. 

“No, I think I’ll just sit at home, maybe go to Cabo for a break,” Killian tried to counter.

“This is non negotiable Jones. We need to keep an eye on you, and we need you actually training and getting that temper under control. You either go home for three weeks, or you can kiss that starting position goodbye,” his coach added.

He almost let his temper get the best of him again. He had stood up and began to pace around the room. He really wanted to take some of the items he saw lying around and throw them against the wall. Yes, his career wasn’t over, but it wasn’t good. And now he had to go home and deal with all of the issues there. 

“We’ve already booked you a flight, you leave at 11. Smee will be checking in with you periodically during your trip. You will report to a training field belonging to the Triple A team in the area twice a week for training, but other than that, you are to stay away from the game. Focus on yourself,” Graham said. “You'd better hurry, or you may miss your flight.” 

Graham wasn’t lying when he said they would have to move ass to make his flight. Killian hadn’t driven in over a year as Smee drove him everywhere, which now thinking about it, was a little ridiculous. It worked perfectly in LA though.The traffic made his temper grow, so having Smee drive helped him to focus on what he needed to do. 

Things had changed a lot the past year. Before the majors, he went out every other night. He spent time with his friends, he was constantly going out. However, since the majors, since Milah, he stopped going out, stopped focusing on anything but baseball. It hadn’t been that way since high school. 

A lot had changed since high school. In fact, everything had changed. He had been through hell since he left home, but he finally had his dream of playing in the majors and he seemed happy. However, now that they were flying down the 110, thankfully with no traffic impeding them, Killian’s mind was slowly realizing he hadn’t really been happy in a long time.

For a while, he had Milah, and she had made him happy. Looking back though, he hadn’t really been happy with her in a while. He was comfortable. He enjoyed playing ball, but just that alone didn’t make him truly happy. He had friends, and they were supportive, but they couldn’t make him happy, not truly. 

When was the last time he was really happy?

He hated that he had to miss Christmas with his family. Sure, he knew his dad would question him non stop about his training and how his team was doing, but he would still miss it. He would miss the way his house smelled; his mother always made mulled cider that filled the house with a scent that was just intoxicating. Most houses would smell like peppermint during the holidays, but his mom always made it smell like spices instead, making everything cozy and warm. He would miss the fighting with Liam, even though they were both grown. They would probably always bicker, being brothers, but Killian really did look up to Liam. Liam was a family man, and it was something Killian always admired Liam for.

When they moved to the DC area from Ireland when Killian was 12 and Liam was 16, they both had been playing ball since they were younger. It was rare to play baseball in Ireland and not football, but it was what they were into. However, Liam wasn’t good enough to make the school team, so his father stopped focusing on the oldest Jones and started focusing on the younger. The family moving changed everything for Killian. 

Their neighbors were wonderful people; their daughter was a few years younger than Killian, but this didn’t bother him. He enjoyed Emma’s company and didn’t find her annoying despite the age gap. However, once he moved from middle school to high school, their friendship fell to the wayside. Yet every Christmas, they always gathered together for a neighbors dinner. Killian was always seated next to Emma, and their friendship always picked up where it left off. 

The last time he saw her, she was a junior in high school and he was a junior in college. He had been working so hard the past three years with his team to get to where they were now. They were the top seeded team in the NCAA and were projected to take the league that year. He had never been so happy to be home. His father was supportive for once, telling everyone how well Killian had been doing. He also noticed that Emma had grown up since the last time he was home. He felt that there was something different between them now, not just their friendship and easy dinner conversation.

Yet here he was, stuck in Florida for the break. Killian had started to date Milah a few months before and she invited him to join her for Christmas break in the Sunshine state with her family. He refused at first, saying he needed to go home since he wouldn’t be seeing them over Spring Break because of the season, but she persisted. Milah was amazing, beautiful and brilliantly smart - but in the past month, she had started to become a bit needy. Maybe it was because she knew the season was starting soon which meant they wouldn’t be spending too much time together. Maybe she was worried with graduation a few months off, or maybe she was just insecure. All Killian knew was he would rather spend the holidays with her than upset her. He would see his family at graduation. 

A few days after Christmas though, Killian was feeling like shit. He felt bad for missing the traditional meal the families had set up for years, all because his girlfriend was pissed. A friend of his asked him before the break why Killian didn’t just invite Milah home. He didn’t really have a good reason at the time, but now that Christmas was over, and he had missed those traditions, he realized he didn’t see Milah ever being a part of those traditions, no matter how much he loved her. 

While Milah went shopping with her mother, something inside of him said he should check in on Emma. He couldn’t say what it was, all he knew was that he needed to message her and talk to her. He was looking forward to seeing her at Christmas and knew things wouldn’t be the same without him there. He had a good holiday, but he knew it would never compare to their dinners, sitting next to Emma, playing games with her younger brother and exchanging funny white elephant gifts.

He simply started by apologizing to her, saying he missed coming home and missed the best thing about coming home. She responded quickly and before he knew it, he was talking to her almost as much as he talked to his friends and girlfriend. Emma quickly became a confidant for him. He wasn’t sure how much she had grown up since last year, but something about her was different. The way she spoke to him was different, their conversations were deeper than those he had with Milah; there was more depth between them now, they were more genuine with each other. 

The season went well and they were back in the World Series that year, slated to get the title for the third year in a row. However, his schedule actually worked out that he could go home for Emma’s graduation. He missed his own because of the games, but he would be at Emma’s. She deserved to have someone there who supported her 100%. 

She had told him about her dreams for after high school and how her mother wasn’t so supportive. He helped her with college applications, so she could chase her dream and get a degree at the same time. In those weeks, Killian had begun to feel something for Emma. He couldn’t really describe it, but his connection with her was more than his connection with Milah.

When he got that special call right before graduation, he knew he needed to make changes in his life. He had been called up to the minors. He was to report in September to the training fields in Arizona to train for a year, before beginning his rounds in the Triple A leagues. In that moment, when he accepted the offer, he knew things with Milah needed to end. However, he knew he wouldn’t see her till after graduation, which was probably for the best. He also decided that he was going to tell Emma that he was feeling something for her, but only after he had taken care of Milah. He couldn’t string either woman along any longer, and he couldn’t help the pull that Emma had on him. 

He told Emma that he would be there around noon and that he was excited to see her. He knew she felt the same, but the only thing he hadn’t done was talk to Milah. She had disappeared off the face of the Earth right after graduation. He hadn’t seen her in about a month; whenever he called her, she never answered. He didn’t quite understand why she was nowhere to be found, but he did know that he had to end things. 

Finally, Milah called him the day before Emma’s graduation. She wanted to meet up with him and talk. He didn’t know how it happened, but Milah said she would be in DC the next day and could meet up with him. Killian should have known better; there was no reason for Milah to be in the area, but there she was, waiting for him at Starbucks the next morning. He had only a half an hour before the ceremony, and he hoped to get this over with quickly, but Milah had other plans. 

What started off civil, quickly escalated to something different. Milah had found his messages to Emma and had turned her insecurity into full blown jealousy. He could understand her anger. He did do something wrong, he wouldn’t deny that, but at the same time, he was pissed Milah would just go through his shit. He never actually cheated on her, but he did allow himself to get invested mentally and emotionally with someone who wasn’t his girlfriend. For an hour, they yelled and screamed at each other, causing quite a scene in that coffee place. 

Eventually, after their argument began to go in circles, he got up and left. He stormed out of that cafe with a gusto he didn’t realize he had. He had a temper, he knew that, but he was never as livid as he was in those moments. Milah was furious with him, and she had a right to be, but to confront him on this day just pissed him off. She said she found this out before graduation, so why didn’t she confront him then? Why did she have to wait until now? 

He drove around for a bit, needing to calm down before he saw his family and Emma’s. Thankfully, he knew the graduation ceremony would last another two hours because of how large their high school was. He ended up at the ballpark in DC. He had been picked up by the National’s Triple A league, so it almost felt like home. Who knew where he would end up, but one day, he would love to play at this field, for this team. They had a game going, so he sat down in the open beer garden near the park and watched the game. He kept an eye on the time so he would make it back to the Nolan’s in time for Emma’s party at noon. 

He arrived at Emma’s a little after noon. Unfortunately traffic wasn’t on his side, but he wasn’t too late. His heart started to beat heavy in his chest. It had been over a year since he had seen everyone, and now he was about to tell his parents about his contract and tell Emma that he wanted more. Excitement was spilling over in his system. But as he walked towards the entrance to the Nolan’s rather large house, a figure emerged from their large oak tree that sat in the front yard. 

Milah was back and she looked angrier than before. He knew that she would ruin everything if he allowed her to get inside or follow him. He stormed over to where she stood and almost began to yell at her when she held her hands up to stop him. She said she didn’t want to fight anymore, but there was something he didn’t let her tell him before. Once she told him her secret, his entire world changed.

He texted his dad and told him he was sorry, but something came up and he couldn’t make it. He led Milah to his car and they drove off, Killian needing a private spot to discuss the bomb she just dropped on him. 

Even with no traffic and driving an expensive car, Smee still drove like a grandmother. They barely made it to the airport on time. The plane was scheduled to leave at 11 and thankfully, Smee had already checked him in, so all he had to do was drop off his luggage and make it through the TSA line. Luck must have been on his side, because as they pulled up the curb at 10:15, there was no line for curbside check in. 

Still, he was rushing through TSA at 10:40, hoping that the line wouldn’t take twenty minutes to get through. Yes, he didn’t want to go home, but at the same time, he knew he would need to get on this flight and get through the next three weeks in order to play again. 

Luck smiled down on him again, because even though it took forever, he was able to make it to the gate with mere seconds to spare. At least Smee was able to get him in first class. He normally traveled on the team’s plane, not having to deal with the hassles of normal air travel. He didn’t think that he would have been able to deal with the prospect of going home, on top of having to sit in coach dealing with screaming children and sick people. 

It looked like there was only one other person sitting in first class. He barely took a look at the other passenger, wanting to just get to his seat and maybe take a nap before his impending doom. At least he had a window seat, something he always enjoyed. He enjoyed watching the world pass him by as he flew to new destinations. It was one of the things he loved besides the game, being on a major league team meant traveling almost every week, and he loved the travel. Sure, it was tiring, but he really did enjoy the sights. 

“Mr. Jones, is there anything I could get you?” the stewardess asked. Killian turned to look at the stewardess, removing his hat and sunglasses that he tended to keep on, especially since his escapades at the game the other day. 

“No thank you,” he answered. 

As the stewardess moved away, he finally got a real good look at the person he would be sharing first class with. The stewardess had already sat back down and the plane was beginning to jet up the runway. He could only see the woman’s head. She had long, gorgeous blonde hair. It was wavy, but not overly curly. He could tell she was obsessed with the view out the window, and he couldn’t blame her; watching LA disappear beneath you was something Killian would never get tired of looking at. This time though, he was looking at the woman across from him. 

Something in her called to him, screamed for him to look at her. Of course, he was worried she would catch him staring, but something made him keep looking. She was thin, but muscular. She was wearing a thin white tank top that showed off her wonderful arms. 

“Ladies and Gentleman, this is your Captain speaking. We are now at cruising altitude. Our flight attendants will begin their service in a few moments. The flight to Reagan International Airport will take roughly four and a half hours and skies are clear the whole way. Enjoy your flight,” the captain announced from his cabin, prompting Killian to look away from the woman across from him. 

He needed to rest, needed to make sure he was mentally prepared for what he was about to deal with when he got home. Maybe a drink wouldn’t hurt. He knew he wouldn’t be able to drink a lot, knowing his father would be waiting for him at home, ready to tear into his son. 

Killian couldn’t help but take another peek at the woman when the stewardess went to her. As her head turned, Killian was struck by her beauty. She looked like an angel. She had bright green eyes and a brilliant smile. However, something told him he had seen those eyes before, but he couldn’t place them. 

“Ms. Nolan, may I get you another drink?” the stewardess asked, prompting Killian’s jaw to drop.

He knew he knew those eyes. He knew something was familiar about the woman sitting across from him. It was a woman he hadn’t seen in over seven years. It was a woman who once held such a spell over him, the woman he almost changed everything in his life for. He never thought he would see her again. In fact, he was almost certain he would never see her again. He had made sure of that. He hadn’t thought about her in a while, yet here she was, looking like an angel, with the sunlight streaking through her hair as she told the stewardess that another mimosa would be lovely. 

“Emma?” Killian almost yelled, pulling the green eyes shockingly towards him.


	3. Chapter 3

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck she thought. Why did it have to be Killian Jones on this plane and why did he have to recognize her? Why, after everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, did he have to show up and throw her for another spin? The second her name left his lips, she knew everything was going to change. She didn’t know how things would change, but she knew it would. 

Maybe she could just ignore him. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to get to know him again - she actually did want that. She was just still angry over everything that had happened. The last time she talked to him, things were so different. She didn’t quite know how it would play out now. Her thoughts were random and contradictory. On one hand, she wanted to talk to him, to see how he was doing because she still had that pull towards him. On the other hand, she was pissed that he left her all those years ago, that he just dropped what they had. 

“Emma Nolan?” she heard again from the seats across from her, and she knew she could no longer ignore him. 

Turning slowly, or at least it seemed like everything was in slow motion, she took him in again. He had a light scruff on his jaw, which accented every chiseled feature on his face. He looked like he did back in the day, but at the same time, he looked different. It was something in his eyes, the once bright irises were darker somehow, worn by the years. They still held that brilliant blue though. His arms, she noticed when he took of his jacket, were still pronounced and she stared at them a bit longer than she should have. 

“Killian Jones,” she breathed out, a small smile crossing her face. She didn’t mean for it to appear, but she couldn’t help it. Now that she was looking at him, some of that anger from years ago slipped away. 

“I thought that was you love,” he replied, with a bit of a laugh in his voice. His smile was wide and it was contagious. Emma didn’t reply to his response, instead her smile just grew to match his as her eyes cast down onto the empty seat next to her. She wasn’t really inviting him to join her, but at the same time she wished he would move over. The sight of his smile had more of her anger towards him vanishing. 

He must have gotten her hidden message as he asked her almost immediately if he could move to sit next to her. She nodded her head at him, gesturing for him to take the empty seat. 

“Excuse me, would you mind getting us a few more drinks? Mimosas for both of us please,” he said as he moved to the seat next to her. The attendant nodded as she moved back to the galley. 

“So, Emma Nolan, I never thought I would see you again, let alone on a plane home. How have you been?” he asked as he sat down. She could smell him as he took his seat. It was the biggest change in him since their departure. She never noticed his scent before now, but for some reason she knew high school Killian didn’t smell like rum and wood. It was intoxicating. 

“I can’t lie, I hoped I wouldn’t see you again,” she said, “but I’ve been OK. And technically speaking, it’s Emma Swan now.” 

It was like he could tell something was wrong with her. She hoped to play off her emotions of the past day, but she couldn’t hide them from him. 

“I don’t think you’ve been OK love, but I’ll let that slide. How about you explain the name change,” he winked, as he took the drinks back from the attendant who had suddenly reappeared. 

“Thank you,” she responded, to both of them. She didn’t want to talk about what happened with Neal to him, especially since she wouldn’t consider him her friend anymore and it had been over six years since they last spoke. Yet, something told her that she could have talked to him anyway. Some people have that type of friendship that you could pick up after years of being apart and the friendship they had once shared was one of those. However, Emma’s anger at how their friendship fell apart, while disappearing, was still present. 

“You have got to have mimosas on a late morning flight,” he smiled as he handed her the drink. She fought back every thought that told her to down the drink and demand another one. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each of them sipping their drinks, letting the champange do its job. 

Emma got lost in her thoughts again. Yes, there was still a part of her that was pissed at how everything went down and would probably always be there; but there was another part of her that knew there was still a pull towards him. A spark still shone between them. She could feel the electricity coming off his forearm that sat close to hers. She was still attracted to him, and she was sure that he was attracted to her. She wasn’t cocky, but being a model, you knew most people found you attractive. 

“Love?” he questioned, using the term of endearment that he used for most women he came in contact with. She remembered when he first used it when talking to her, when she was eight. She was smitten right away, the pre-teen hormones making her swoon at his words. Too soon, she learned that he used it for everyone, but it still made her swoon when he said it to her.

“I’m sorry, what?” she apologized. 

“I was asking what you were doing on the plane. If you lived in LA or were just visiting?” he asked again. A smile crossing his face again and she couldn’t help but smile back.

“I live in LA actually,” she answered. 

“So you actually did it then?” he smiled as he asked his question. He must have remembered that he helped her make it here. 

“I guess you could say that. I can’t believe you remember,” she answered. 

“Of course I remember. We spent so many nights working on applications so you could get to LA and live your dream!” he responded. “So tell me all about it.” 

Emma relaxed a bit, thankful that they weren’t going to bring up what happened in the past too quickly. Hopefully, this would just be a quick exchange of pleasantries and then they would go their separate ways again. She really didn’t want to relive the past. 

“Well, I went to UCLA and then started modeling two months after I got here. I graduated and started to focus solely on modeling. I changed my working name to Emma Swan, as there was already an Emily Nolan around when I was starting out and I didn’t want any confusion,” she explained. 

“That’s amazing Emma! You actually did it! And Swan fits you really well actually.” She could hear the excitement in his voice. He was actually proud of her. 

“Yeah, I guess I did. What about you?” she questioned. 

It was in that moment that she saw his demeanor change. He looked broken for a moment, but then regained his composure and turned to face her. 

“I was drafted right out of college. I headed out west and played in the minors for a while. Last year was my first year with the majors,” he said, with a timid smile. She could tell he was happy doing what he did, but he wasn’t fully proud of himself. 

“You did it too!” she exclaimed. 

She pointed to his hat as she said the words. He must play for the Dodgers, which meant he lives in LA. For at least a year, they’ve lived in the same city, within 30 miles of each other, and never ran into each other. It made Emma laugh actually. To spend six years apart, not talking to each other after falling hard for the man, to end up in the same city and never seeing each other, was just crazy. To many, LA wasn’t a large city, it was actually quite small. You ran into people you knew all the time. Hell, Emma had met so many celebrities just from walking into a grocery store, but not once did she run into Killian Jones. 

“I guess,” he replied, pain lacing his voice. She didn’t quite understand it. She didn’t particularly keep up with baseball - why should she? It was just one more thing that reminded her of him. However, she did know they won the World Series the year before. Everyone in the area knew it, there were giant parades when the team came back, parties for weeks over the win. 

“Killian, you won the World Series last year, clearly you are living your dream!” she exclaimed, hoping to make him feel a bit better. 

He just smiled at her response. In that moment, something inside of her told her she needed to fix his lousy attitude, which also meant changing the subject. She knew there wasn’t much they would be able to talk about, it had been years. So she did the only thing she could think of.

“Let’s play a game!” she proposed.

“A game Swan?” he questioned, with a bit of apprehension on his face. He used her new name. It bothered her at times when she couldn’t use her actual last name, but hearing the name from him seemed right. Sure, she originally just changed the name to distance herself from the other model, and Swan was something Ruby called her at times when she was drunk because she was anything but graceful. However, now hearing it in an accent and with his voice, it made the name change feel right. 

“Yes, a game. Let’s play Truth or Dare,” she suggested.

“And why should we play that childish game?” he responded with a sip of his drink, calling the attendant over to refill it. 

“It may sound stupid, but I met my best friends through this game, and I think it will help take our minds off of the things we really don’t want to talk about,” she explained. 

It was true, Ruby and Lacey had become her best friends over a game of truth or dare soon after she arrived. Ruby, of course lived for the dares, but Lacey and Emma loved the truth part. Whenever someone new came into the group, the girls had their mandatory Truth or Dare night. You couldn’t be part of the squad if you didn’t participate and, according to Ruby, complete one of her racy dares. 

She could remember Elsa having to streak down Sunset naked at two in the morning because Ruby dared her too. Elsa wasn’t too embarrassed by that, and seemed to enjoy the freedom it provided. However, when Ruby dared her to make out with a random stranger at Mixology one night, Elsa drew the line. 

They had a refill of their drinks, and Emma hoped that Killian would be willing to play. 

“Alright love, let’s play.”

Emma was the master at Truth or Dare. OK, maybe that was Ruby, but Emma was pretty good at asking questions that were embarrassing, but funny at the same time. 

Emma started it off by asking what was one thing Killian regretted most about living in LA. To her surprise, he said it was having someone drive him around. She laughed loudly when she found out he had a driver. Emma had only ever used one once, when she was doing a shoot for a wedding gown and they needed to have her shoot in four locations. She didn’t mind the driver, but would always prefer to drive herself around, blasting music and singing along in her off key voice. 

Killian went with a dare first, which didn’t surprise her at all. He dared her to send the last picture she took on her phone to him, no matter what it was. The joke was on him though, as the photo wasn’t racy or scandalous, but just an amusing photo of an avocado wearing sunglasses. She had found it on a website and thought it was funny. He got a chuckle out of it though and he was amused by why Emma thought to save it. 

Things progressed from there. The truth questions they asked each other were pretty tame, and if they did dare each other, they were pretty lame. She learned that he was going home for three weeks but not really sure why as he skirted around the reasoning. She had told him that she was going home for Henry’s party and she was excited to see her brother but she kept Neal and her past hidden. It seemed both of them had secrets they wanted to keep. 

She was sure Ruby would have quit the game a while ago if she had joined in. Emma could picture it: Ruby standing up, her hands on her hips, all pissed off calling them pussies, before walking out complaining that no one really understood how to play Truth or Dare. 

Something that was different though was the flirtation that was now happening between the two. Emma wasn’t too sure at first what was happening, it had been a while since anyone really flirted with her to just flirt. Neal would flirt when he felt jealous, other men would flirt on set when they wanted something, but no one ever flirted with her just because they wanted her. It started off innocent enough, slight glances that were held a bit longer than normal, the brush of his fingers on her hand as she took her replenishments from him. They were well into their fifth round of drinks when their questions became less lighthearted and more brazen. 

He had moved closer to her as their conversation moved more personal. Her truths had begun to dig into the man he was today. She had asked him about his most recent sexual escapade, to which he just blushed and said he would take a dare instead. Emma chose some stupid random dare to bypass the embarrassment, hoping that she didn’t ruin their fun. She really was having fun; the guy she once knew was still there, but there was more to him that intrigued her. 

When he came back from the dare, he didn’t create any distance between them, he moved closer. He rarely took his eyes off of her. He was constantly scratching behind his ear and when his eyes did move from hers, they only left to look at what she was wearing. She knew he lingered a bit at her chest. She would be lying if she said she hadn’t done the same thing to him a few times. 

“Alright Swan, my turn. Truth - why haven’t you been back to Virginia since moving?” he asked, a question she was hoping he wouldn’t. 

“I couldn’t be there anymore. There was nothing left for me. My future was here,” she explained, keeping it simple. She really didn’t want to tell him that he was part of that reason. She didn’t want him to know that she couldn’t be around her house when everything reminded her of him, of what he did to her. LA provided her with a fresh start. Sure, Killian had helped her get there, but once she landed in LA, everything that happened was because of her hard work. 

“There is more to it, I know there is,” he tested her, leaning in a bit more.

“How do you know?” she wondered. 

“You are something of an open book to me love, always have been. You can’t hide that there is another reason you don’t go home,” he said with a twinkle in his eyes. He was right though. He always knew when something was going on with her, even from a young age. 

“It’s a bit embarrassing,” she whispered. 

“Tell me anyway. Isn't that the point of Truth or Dare?” he countered, nodding his head to keep her going. His hand had moved closer to hers and the hairs on the back of her arm were standing at attention. Goosebumps were peppering her skin. 

“Alright,” she began, “I never went back home because the last memory I have of the place was my graduation party. You know, the one you didn’t show up at, even though you had promised me you would.” 

She hadn’t meant for the confession to come out harshly but she sounded like a bitch and she knew she came off that way. She could see his mood deflate. He was still close to her, but the sparkle had left his eyes and he had sagged a bit in his seat. 

“Truth - why didn’t you show up? Why did you hurt me like that? Why did you just leave? What you did really hurt Killian, I was in…” she started, but quickly changed her direction, unwilling to say she used to love him. “I needed you, and you just threw me to the side. Why?”

He looked up and his blue eyes tore into her. She could see the pain in his eyes and it was worse than she had seen it all day. Yes, there was pain when she discussed baseball, and there was some pain when discussing past experiences, but there was more now in those eyes. 

“I’m sorry for how it happened Emma, I didn’t want to let you down, but I had to. The shit that happened is in the past. I don’t really want to relive it and I don’t think you want to either. Can’t we just leave it there? Can’t I just say that I’m sorry, what I did to you was shitty, and start over again?” he pleaded, looking into her eyes. 

She wasn’t quite sure what to say at first, but he was right. It was in the past. Six years had passed and something bad had happened in those times, something he wasn’t quite ready to discuss with her. In the back of her mind, she did think she could move on. He did apologize; sure it wasn’t the best apology or anything but he had sounded sincere. 

“Alright, I’ll let it go, for now,” she warned him. They were going to be around each other for a while and maybe she would get something out of him later. 

They sat in silence a few more minutes, Emma drinking her next mimosa. Killian had switched to rum about an hour ago, but Emma couldn’t stop drinking the sweet drink in front of her. 

“My turn, I think Swan,” he started, making her stop looking out of the window at the fields passing below. “Who was your highschool crush? You never really talked about anyone special, but there had to have been someone.” 

Shit she swore to herself. She knew she wouldn’t be able to lie to him. Her palms began to sweat a bit; she was nervous about finally spilling her guts to him. She wasn’t this nervous when she thought he liked her back her senior year. Yet here she was, nervous about telling the man she hadn’t seen in years that she used to like him, so much in fact, that she was in love with him before he shattered her heart. 

“Ummm….” she tried to start, even though the words were getting caught in her throat. She reached for her drink and downed it in one straight gulp. 

“Spill it love,” he prompted her, his past sadness wiped away. 

“You,” was all she said, her voice barely audible. She was worried about his reaction but she still looked up and met his eyes. To her surprise, he wore a smile on his face and his eyes were shining again. 

“Are you serious?” he finally said, after what seemed like hours later but was really only seconds. 

“Well yeah. I mean, we talked so much the last few months of school, I couldn’t help but fall for you a bit,” she confessed. 

He chuckled at her confession. It wasn’t a laugh that was making fun of her, it was more a laugh of disbelief. Like he couldn’t believe that she would actually like him. 

“Don’t worry though Jones, that crush ended pretty quickly,” she jested, hoping to move on. She was embarrassed and his reaction to her confession was worrying her a bit. He was looking at her differently now. 

“Oh really?” he questioned, moving a bit closer to her. They were inches apart now. She could smell the rum on his lips, could feel his breath hitch when she looked at his lips. 

“Yeah, it’s old news. It’s in the past,” she said, trying to make sure she believed it as well as him. 

“If you say so,” he winked and Emma knew he had something up his sleeve. 

“I do,” she replied, a bit more forcefully this time. 

“Alright, my turn,” he started, “I’m choosing dare this time. I dare you to kiss me. Prove to me you no longer have any feelings for me.”

She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, he wasn’t giving anything away. Why would he dare her to kiss him?


	4. Chapter 4

He really didn’t know what he was thinking. Their flight had been going pretty well and he was enjoying his time reconnecting with the girl he almost gave up his future for. She was the same girl he once fell for, but so much more now. However, when he finally questioned her about her high school love life, everything changed. He knew she once had a crush on someone, but she never told him who. To say that he was floored by her confession of her once liking him was a bit of an understatement. 

He knew there was an attraction between them, even if they weren’t in the same state and couldn’t actually see each other. He knew there had been a connection that was nothing like he had ever felt before. He knew he once liked her, as more than just a friend. However, he never would have guessed that she reciprocated those feelings, or at least feel them as deeply as he did. 

In the back of his mind, he knew there was a possibility of her having the same feelings as him - hell, it was the reason he was going to show up at her graduation and put everything on the line. 

His heart deflated a bit when she confessed to letting those feelings pass. Sure, he had to push those feelings to the back of his consciousness when Milah showed up, but they were always there, even if he didn’t want to admit it. There would always be a pull towards Emma, always be a connection that would never be made with another person. So it hurt him that she had pushed him away in the way she did. 

He called bullshit on her not feeling anything towards him anymore though; he could feel that there was something still there. It was as simple as that. If he could feel the electricity and heat spark between them each time one of them came close to the other, then she definitely could. He watched her breath hitch as he moved closer to her. He felt her body stiffen as there was contact between their hands. He saw her staring at his face as he moved closer to her. He noticed her drinking in his features, something he thought would have been a sight she had dreamt about before. He certainly knew he had dreamt about her lips on his before. 

He knew he had to do something, anything to show her that he knew she was lying. He was always able to read her like an open book. He knew she still had feelings for him, even if she didn’t quite know what those feelings were. He knew there was attraction there. In that moment, as he stared at her lips, he knew what he was going to do. 

“I do,” she replied to his previous question.

“Alright, my turn,” he started, “I’m choosing dare this time. I dare you to kiss me. Prove to me you no longer have any feelings for me.”

He watched the emotions run over her face. It seemed as if twenty emotions waved over her features in a matter of seconds. He knew she was confused about his dare, he was sure she was wondering what on Earth could have prompted him to dare her to kiss him. 

As he watched her, he began to doubt himself. What was he thinking? He could potentially ruin everything that they were now working towards, if it was anything at all. He was enjoying being around her again and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t hoping they could pick up where they left off. Whether or not it became a friendship or relationship, he didn’t care, he just knew he wanted to be back in her life and wanted her in his. 

Now, all of that could be ruined, simply because he allowed his old attraction get the best of him. 

All of a sudden, he felt hands on his shirt pulling him forward. Before he could put together a coherent thought, Emma’s lips were on his. It startled him for a moment. He couldn’t move, couldn’t think, hell, he wasn’t even sure he breathed for a moment. Her lips on his overtook all of his senses. 

It was if the moments in time had slowed down, but sped up all at the same time. Thankfully, he was pulled out of his frozen state and pulled Emma closer to him. The kiss had sparked something inside of him that he didn’t realize he had. He had never felt this kind of electricity in a kiss before. When he kissed Milah in the past, there was passion, but never anything like kissing Emma. It was if he needed her to breathe. 

He normally wasn’t the aggressive type of man when he kissed a woman. However, with his arms wrapped around Emma’s slight frame, his personality changed. He couldn’t get enough of her. Her lips were already becoming an addiction to him, better than any rum he could ever taste. He parted her lips and deepened their kiss. He noted that their lips molded perfectly together. 

Their bodies were separated by the armrest between them and in that moment he hated that stupid mechanism. He wanted to be closer to her and every moment that passed, every moment their lips were fused together, every little moan that escaped her throat was torture to him. Torture yes, but it was the best torture a man could endure. 

His hands moved over her body with a purpose. One hand clutched at her hair and the feeling of each strand of hair that moved through his fingertips was magic. It reminded him of the feeling he got when he held a ball in his hands. Something was always special about holding a baseball to him and he never felt that way about anything else. Sand between his toes was never something he wanted, the feeling of silk underneath his skin wasn’t something he looked forward to, but the touch of a baseball was comforting and exhilarating all at the same time. He never knew he could feel that way about another touch. 

Her skin was soft in the places his other hand could touch. Her tank top allowed him unabided sources of skin. Emma was never really tan, but the soft glow of her skin accented her well. He hadn’t noticed during his brief touches how warm she was, but now that his hands were roaming over her arms, he could feel the heat radiating from his touch. Her hands moved over his shirt, over his chest and down his arms. The way her fingers played with his arm hair was almost too much to handle. If he couldn’t get enough of her, he knew she couldn’t get enough of him. 

She was pulling towards him in the same desperate manner than he was pulling towards her. Her frantic state was all he needed to keep him going. He wasn’t quite sure how long the kiss, or was it kisses, lasted. He hadn’t made out this way since he was a teenager and the passion that was flowing wasn’t something he was ready to let go of. 

Thankfully, she must have felt the same way. She broke the kiss, if only for a moment, for her to move the blasted armrest out of the way before she was back on him. Fuck, she was amazing. Her hips were now pressed against his in a odd way since they were still sitting on an airplane on their way home for the summer. 

However, the removal of the device allowed him more free range of her body and his hands couldn’t help but move farther down. The skin right above her pants was bare, thanks to the work of his hands on her tank top earlier. Never before had an area of a body been so important to him, but his hands didn’t want to leave her lower back. 

Emma had other ideas though. She moved quickly, placing herself higher than him, making his hands slip to her ass. Yes, he was aggressive with their kiss, but she was taking things to the next level. He never thought in a million years that he would be making out with Emma Nolan, on an airplane, with her practically sitting on his lap and his hands caressing her ass. Emma had always had a great body and he was perfectly content to continue to feel her up like a horny teenager on a second date. 

A loud cough came from next to them right as Emma began to sink down onto his lap. They both moved back from each other quickly, Emma’s face showing a bit of embarrassment. Her lips were swollen and her cheeks pink from excitement. Her hair was a bit disheveled from their session and he was sure he looked the same. They looked at each other for half a second before turning their attention to the cough that came from in front of them. 

The stewardess stood a few paces from them with a look of displeasure but behind her stoic features, the woman actually seemed to smile at them. He was sure this wasn’t the worst thing the stewardess had had to break up on a flight, but he was embarrassed by the situation. He would never regret kissing Emma. No, he would never regret anything that happened with Emma but he did feel bad for those who had to witness what had passed between them. 

“I’m sorry for interrupting, but we are preparing for landing so if you would please take your seat,” the stewardess said passively before moving towards the coach section. 

Killian tried to make eye contact with Emma again as she slipped off his lap and back into her seat. However, she immediately looked out the window. He was staring at the back of her head, taking in her blonde hair while praying that she would turn and just look at him. He didn’t want her to regret what they just did and he certainly didn’t want to ruin what they may have been building. 

He didn’t regret what they did, but he couldn’t help but feel bad about the circumstances in which it happened. They were both drunk and he knew that people make bad decisions while drunk. He didn’t think this was a bad decision, but he couldn’t help but feel that Emma was thinking that. It hurt him that she could think he would use her, or that he would regret the whole thing. 

“Emma,” he said in a whisper, trying to get her to turn around. He saw the deep breath she brought in as her name left his lips. She didn’t move though. She kept her interest on the window. He didn’t really know what to do, but he couldn’t move back to his original seat. He didn’t really want to though, he wanted to stay next to her no matter how awkward everything was. He wanted her to notice that he was there, that things weren’t like years ago. 

“Emma, please look at me,” he begged, reaching to grasp one of her hands that sat on her knee. His plea didn’t do anything though; she kept her face towards the ascending ground but she didn’t move her hand away. Maybe she was just embarrassed by being caught up in the moment. Maybe she didn’t regret the kiss. It wasn’t like they were actually friends again, it wasn’t like she would be able to just tell him that.

They had opened up a bit to each other during their game and even though it felt like their friendship was one that could pick up years after not speaking, he didn’t think they were at the point yet where Emma would feel comfortable telling Killian what she was feeling. 

Killian tried to stay calm during the plane’s descent. He just wanted to talk to her, to let her know what he was feeling, to clear the air. If he was going to be staying next door to her house, they needed to get past whatever was between them. He knew they would be seeing each other often, his mother and hers were close friends and he knew there would be countless dinners they would have to attend. 

The plane landed on the ground of Reagan National Airport, landing with a lot of bumps, causing Emma to squeeze Killian’s hand a bit. That gave him a bit of a boost. Sure, she may have just been using him in a moment of weakness, but he knew in his heart it wasn’t just that. Maybe it was a small sign that she wasn’t upset or disgusted. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Washington DC…” the Captain came over the intercom but Killian wasn’t paying too much attention to what he was saying. He was too busy waiting to see what Emma was going to do. He knew he had to get up and get his stuff, but he really didn’t want to leave her side. 

“Well, welcome home Swan,” he said as he stood. She finally took his prompt and looked at him. Her face was blank, emotions wiped away. For the first time in his entire life, he was unable to read his neighbor. He couldn’t place where her mind was. Her book was closed, hidden away behind it’s simple, yet beautiful cover. 

“Walk with me to baggage claim?” she asked in a meek voice. He could hear the nervousness behind the question. He knew she wasn’t looking forward to seeing her mother. She was always daddy’s little girl; her father understood her in a way her mother couldn’t. Her father was always 100% supportive of her, where her mother wasn’t always the most understanding. It wasn’t that Mary Margaret didn’t love her daughter, it was just they had different ideas for what Emma needed out of life. He understood her trepidation; he had the same feeling about his father. 

“As you wish,” he said, before he walked to the stewardess to get his coat and items that he left in his previous seat. 

He watched in awe as Emma was given her jacket, a bright red leather one that fit her like a glove. She looked like a vision standing in front of him and it shocked him how in tune with her he was. He had only reconnected with her a few hours ago yet here he was, completely captivated by her. It wasn’t something he was thinking was going to happen when he came home for the summer but it was going to be something that would change his entire outlook of this suspension. 

He was relieved when baggage claim finally came into view. The long walk from the farthest gate in the airport, through security and finally down to the area was difficult to say the least. They walked together but they couldn’t have been farther apart. There wasn’t much physical space between them, there really couldn’t be in a crowded airport, but the emotional space was palpable. He knew they had to talk about what happened and he knew it needed to happen sooner rather than later. 

“Emma, can we talk?” he asked, placing his hand on her lower back and leading her to the side of the walkway, out of sight from the waiting throngs of people at baggage claim. 

“We don’t have time for this,” was all she replied with, back to refusing to make eye contact with him. 

“I just want to let you know, I don’t regret anything. I don’t want things to be weird between us. I’ve missed you,” he explained, pulling her chin so she would actually look him in the eyes. Hopefully she would see his sincerity, his desire and his need for their relationship to continue. 

“OK,” she whispered, keeping eye contact. There was a slight apology in her eyes and he knew he was right in his thoughts about hers. 

“Alright then, let’s go meet our parents,” he finished, but before he moved away, she grabbed his arm, bringing his attention back to her. 

“I don’t regret it either,” she said with a smile, before walking off towards baggage claim. 

He followed her like a lost puppy. He relaxed as he followed her towards the carousel with their luggage. She wasn’t remorseful about their interaction and from the twinkle in her eye, he knew for a fact that she felt something towards him. He could only hope it was what he was beginning to feel. 

Sure, things would be messy from here on out, but maybe Emma coming back into his life was just what he needed to get his life and his career back on track. Emma revived something in him that had been missing since Milah, since his life went to shit. He smiled as he watched Emma pause and look around the area for anyone she knew. 

“Darling, there you are!” A familiar voice came from in front of them, both of their heads snapping to the area. 

Adelaide Jones was pushing her way through the crowd towards the pair. Her bright smile instantly made Killian feel a million times better. His mother always held herself with a certain confidence and she hadn’t changed since the last time he saw her. That was over two years ago. He always found some excuse not to come home or not to see his family when he was in the area playing ball; but two years ago, his mother surprised him in Baltimore when they were playing. Thankfully, she had come alone. She still had shoulder length auburn hair that was straightened perfectly and he knew that would never change. She was dressed to the nines, like always. She never left the house looking anything less than professional and he actually loved that about her. She was always the picture of perfection yet was approachable and loving. 

His mother’s comforting smile grew ten sizes when she saw Emma standing close to her son. Killian knew she loved Emma, calling her a daughter on more occasions than he could count. It was the way their families always were, treating each other like family rather than neighbors. Adelaide was there when Emma got ready for prom her junior and senior year, she was in attendance opening night of every single play Emma was in, she was at Emma’s graduation and she was someone who would pick Emma up from school if she was sick and her mother couldn’t leave work. He was touched to see Emma’s smile grow upon seeing his mother as well. 

He was surprised though, when his mother bypassed him to embrace Emma first. 

“Emma dear, it’s been too long! I am so happy you are home, I’ve missed you!” she cried, pulling Emma into a tight embrace. 

“Mrs. Jones, it’s so good to see you!” Emma replied with nothing but admiration in her voice.

“Darling, you look tired, have you been sleeping? Your eyes are a bit puffy, I hope you aren't getting sick. You let me know if you need anything OK?” Her mothering tendencies were coming out, making him chuckle beside her. He hadn’t really noticed what his mother was pointing out. He knew she wasn’t criticizing Emma, more just being concerned but he didn’t see it. Emma looked lovely. 

“I’m fine, I’ve just been busy. It will be good to be home,” she answered, Killian’s internal lie detector going off, but he wasn’t going to bring it up now. He made himself a promise though, to get to the bottom of Emma’s sadness.

“Well, we are glad you’re here. Killian, how are you dear?” his mother asked, finally paying attention to her actual child, pulling him into an embrace similar to the one she gave Emma. 

“I’m fine mom, just a bit tired. The flight was long,” he added, hoping to distract his mother from questioning Emma more. 

“I’m sure it was,” she said in response, her eyes darting quickly between the two. 

“I’m sorry Mrs. Jones, but do you know where my mother is?” Emma interjected, looking around the area with a small frown on her face. 

“Oh yes, we had breakfast this morning. She is so very excited to have both of her children back in the house,” his mother began, and Killian knew he was in for a story. His mother never explained something quickly. “She was telling me about your flight when I got a call from Killian telling me he was coming home. Of course, I was so excited to hear my son would be back under our roof. We then found out that you two were on the same plane, so I offered to pick the both of you up. Your mother jumped at the opportunity, she has just so much on her plate with Henry’s party, with your homecoming, with the event next week for the DAR, plus your father’s retirement party coming up. So, she is at home getting dinner ready and I am here.”

Killian started to feel angry towards the story. Of course, he would never be upset with his mother. The woman was always willing to go above and beyond for anyone, anytime. His mother always put her family first, always dropped everything to do something for her kids. Emma’s mother however, always seemed preoccupied with other things. Parties were Emma’s mother’s thing. In fact, Killian could remember Emma telling him stories of her mother passing on important life milestones of Emma’s because of a party. He looked at her and saw her face fall as his mother finished her story. While Emma didn’t get along well with her mother, he knew she must have been looking forward to someone from her actual family picking her up. 

His mother must have felt her disappointment, because she reached over to grab Emma’s hand and give it a squeeze.

“She really did want to be here sweetie, but she wants to make sure everything at home is perfect for you. Come, let’s get your bags and get you home. Besides, Evie is waiting in the car,” his mother said, coaxing a slight smile out of Emma. 

Standing next to his mother’s BMW was his sister. Aibhilin Jones was a force to be reckoned with, just like his mother. While not technically his sister, his parents adopted her fifteen years ago when she was four. She was really his cousin, her mother being his father’s sister. Both of her parents passed away in a car accident in Ireland, leaving Evie an orphan. Thankfully, his parents stepped in and took the young girl in. Her traditional Irish name was difficult for most Americans to say properly but Emma corrected it quickly, giving her the nickname everyone called her to this day. 

His sister was one year older than Emma’s brother and looked up to Emma. When she saw Emma walking towards the car, his sister let out a shriek that could probably break glass, flinging herself into Emma’s arms. 

“Evie, I’ve missed you!” Emma exclaimed, pulling the girl into her arms. 

“Thank God you’re home Emma, this place is utterly boring without you. Why did you have to leave me for so long?” she whined as Killian loaded their luggage into the trunk of the vehicle, inwardly cursing that his mom couldn’t have borrowed the Nolan’s large SUV. 

As the girls caught up, Killian was having a hard time not thinking about what happened on the plane. Every time Emma moved, his mind turned perverted, especially remembering the way she felt under his hands. How was he supposed to sit in the back seat with her for the ride home? Sitting in the front was out of the question, as his sister always sat in the front seat, having horrible motion sickness if she sat in the back. He knew his mother would never let him drive, which was probably a good thing. However, he really didn’t want to be confined with Emma in the tight back seat. Well, he did, but not in this situation. Not with his mother and sister in the front seat. 

“Hey brother,” his sister finally said to him.

“Hey squirt.” He knew she hated the American term that big brothers sometimes lovingly used towards little sisters, but it was their little joke. She quickly hugged him, placing a quick kiss to his cheek. They weren’t as close as Evie had been with Emma, but he loved his little sister dearly. 

The back of the car became increasingly muggy as they drove the short five miles to the Nolan residence. Even though their parents lived five miles from the airport, the traffic in Northern Virginia was almost as bad as LA and took 30 minutes to get there. 

He could smell her perfume as they sat there. She had freshened up as they left the plane and he hadn’t noticed the scent before. Now though, the smell of strawberries accosted his senses. There was something else in her perfume, or wipes, whatever she used, but it was almost as intoxicating as the kiss they shared. 

His mind couldn’t help but wander back to their kiss on the plane. He couldn’t help but reminisce about her lips on his, the slight moan that escaped when he became aggressive. He was having the hardest time forgetting the feel of her skin under his touch. He was craving the touch of hers too. He wanted to pull her close, to wrap his arms around her, to make everything better. If that meant kissing the pain away, then he would do it. Yet while he knew it would be unwelcome in that moment, he couldn’t help but daydream about it. 

There was construction on the one, so every time a bump in the road was hit, they touched and it set him on fire. He was having a hard time not leaving his hand on her leg, as he kept having to put it there to steady himself every time his mother hit an unfriendly pothole. The electricity buzzed in the air every time his mom hit a corner and their legs would brush against each other. 

These next three weeks would surely be the death of him, but in that moment, while he sat next to her, smelling her sweet scent and admiring her fine features, he didn’t mind. He would never mind, as long as it meant Emma was near him and he could get his fix.


	5. Chapter 5

Emma had never been an emotional person, not really. Yes, she cried when she was upset, and yes, she got angry pretty easily. She would never have classified herself as a tearful goodbye type of person though. As Mrs. Jones drove through her old neighborhood and past their old school, Emma couldn’t help but be caught up in the memories that flooded her system. She never really missed home, but as the car turned down the street, bringing into view her house, a tear swelled in her eye and for the first time in almost seven years, she felt homesick. 

She missed her father, brother, and yes, her mother, but she never really thought she could miss a home. It was just a house, built with wood and concrete. Yet as the large colonial crept closer, Emma couldn’t help but feel a familiar pull, similar to what she felt earlier in the day when she saw Killian. It was like she had been missing something for years and never knew she had a gaping hole in her heart because of it. 

As Adelaide parked the car in the Jones’ driveway, Emma found her eyes looking over at her home. She pictured her parents standing at the doorway waving to the school bus as she rode off to her first day of school. It was one of the only times she could remember her mother actually being around for an important day. She remembered her father teaching her to catch a ball in the front yard, something some mean girls in school made fun of her for that year. They stopped that suddenly when she hit one of them right in the stomach, with perfect accuracy, just like her dad had taught her. She remembered waiting in the yard, under the big oak tree, for her parents to bring Henry home from the hospital. 

She pictured her bedroom, where so much had happened in her life, so much that shaped who she was. She was almost positive that it would look exactly as she left it. The one thing she could count on her mother for was that she would never touch the kid’s rooms. Her mother redecorated the first floor of the house at least once every five years, but she never let Emma touch her own room. Emma was sure that her poster of the Backstreet Boys was still hanging above her bed with a heart drawn around Nick’s head. (Yes, she still blushed about that poster to this day, considering she did it when she was twelve, but it was something her mother wouldn’t let her take down.)

“Welcome home love,” Killian whispered to her as the doors to the car opened and everyone got out. She’d forgotten she was still next to him once they turned into their neighborhood, too overwhelmed by what was going on outside of the vehicle. 

She was actually thankful for the break. The car ride with Killian had been awkward, to say the least. After their very high school, love struck teens make out session on the airplane, which Emma was still a bit flustered about, sitting in a car with him and his family for the thirty minute drive home wasn’t something she had been looking forward to. The electricity still sizzled between them and she was secretly overjoyed each time his skin touched hers when the car would jolt. 

She wasn’t regretting what she had done on the plane. She couldn’t regret it, but she was a bit embarrassed about it. Mostly, she was petrified that she allowed herself to get caught up in the moment and allowed herself to get into a situation where a stewardess caught her sitting on an old friend’s lap, with her tongue in his mouth. Never in her life had she done something like that before. Sure, there were other models who were caught having sex on set, getting caught with drugs on planes, but she would never get caught doing those things herself. She wasn’t like most models, she had a good head on her shoulders. 

Yes, she was embarrassed. She was also severely turned on. She had dreamt of the way he would kiss. She used to daydream of what it would be like to kiss him. Her wildest dreams weren’t even close to hitting the mark. He was skilled to say the least. His hands felt like both fire and ice against her skin. It was a feeling she never wanted to forget. No one had ever touched her in the way he touched her. She never felt that way before with anyone, not even Neal. No one had ever held her the way Killian had, and all they had done was kiss. She wanted to do it again but there was a voice in the back of her head that told her she couldn’t allow it to happen again. 

As Emma climbed out from the back of the car and retrieved her luggage, her parents appeared at the doorway of her home. Her father hadn’t changed at all. He was still the rugged man she grew up with. He had come from humble beginnings and worked on the farm that her mother’s family owned. He had always been handsome and age had only accented the features of her father’s face. Her mother liked to say he was like fine wine, he only got better with age. Since marrying her mother, he had quit working on the farm in order to help her manage the family’s business, but he was still a shepard at heart. 

Her mother, while changed, still held herself with the same grace and confidence she always had. When Emma was younger, Mary Margaret Blanchard Nolan had gorgeous long brunette hair that Emma was always envious of. Now, her mother sported a pixie cut, which surprisingly made her mother more beautiful and graceful. She was the princess of the Blanchard corporation. While Emma’s father had moved into the family business, her mother followed in the footsteps of the other women in the family; running charities and spending the family fortune. However, she had to give her mother a lot of credit as she wasn’t anything like most of the women in the family. Yes, her mother planned parties and dressed in fancy clothing, but her mother was at least compassionate. The charities she ran she truly cared about and she did really love Emma, even if she did like to give Emma a hard time. 

Emma quickly glanced back at the Jones’ family, all of whom were greeting Killian. It looked like Liam was home and had added quite a few new members to the family. Even though she knew the neighbors were more like family, no one paid attention to her. Sucking in a deep breath, Emma walked towards her parents. 

“Welcome home Emma!” Her father got to her first, pulling her into a bear hug. She breathed in deeply. She hadn’t realized how much she needed a hug from her father after the past few days. Suddenly, it didn’t matter that she knew a lecture from her mother was coming, it didn’t matter that Neal had screwed her over and it didn’t matter what had happened with Killian. All that mattered was she was home, and it felt good. 

“Thanks Dad, it’s good to be here,” she sighed, pulling back to get a better look at him. He was tanned, and she could tell that he had been spending quite a lot of time outside, which was good for him. Emma always thought he spent too much time inside a stuffy office. 

“Honey, I’m really sorry, but I actually have to run,” he said, sadness peaking through his eyes. “I got a call a few moments ago from the office and I have to go in, but I promise to be home as quick as I can be.” 

Emma’s smile faltered a bit, some worry popping back up at the thought of being left alone with her mother, but she couldn’t be upset with him. He rarely would take meetings on important days or skip out on time with her, so she knew his absence must be something he couldn’t get out of. 

As her father moved towards his pickup truck that sat in the driveway, her mother moved to take his place. Emma was actually really surprised when her mother pulled her in for a hug instead of her more traditional kiss on the cheek. 

“I’m so glad you’re home Emma. Come inside, I’ve made lunch.” Mary Margaret’s voice held no lie. Emma’s smile returned when it seemed that her mother really was happy to have her home. At least there wasn’t any passive tones to her statement and her mother didn’t say anything condescending to her right away. 

“Thanks mom, I’m starving,” Emma’s mouth already salivating at the thought of her mother’s cooking. Yes, her mother could throw a party, but she could cook up a storm as well. 

“I didn’t make much, but there is a grilled cheese waiting for you. Sorry it’s not more, but I am trying to get everything ready for dinner tonight, plus with all the work that goes into Henry’s party..” she trailed off.

“It’s OK mom, grilled cheese sounds amazing,” Emma offered, trying to get her mother away from what Emma assumed would be a long conversation about parties she couldn’t care less about. She couldn’t pass up her mom’s famous grilled cheese though, so she really didn’t care if her mom did go on a 30 minute tirade about the DAR or Henry’s party, as long as she got that grilled cheese. 

On their way inside, her mother informed her that the Jones’ clan would be joining them for a large dinner celebrating that everyone was together once again. She said that Henry was over at his girlfriend’s house and that she would be joining them for dinner. Her mother gave her a slight glance as she mentioned Henry’s new love interest, silently telling Emma not to give the girl a hard time. 

Emma had always been overprotective of her younger brother. Ever since she held him for the first time in the hospital when her mother gave birth, Emma felt a deep need to protect him from anything. He was their miracle baby. Her mother had experienced medical issues when Emma was born and doctors told them they would have issues having any other children. Seven years, a shit ton of money, and a lot of prayers later, Henry was born and Emma couldn’t have been happier. She had begged her parents for a sibling for years. 

Leaving Henry was the worst thing about her move to LA. She never wanted to leave Henry behind. Other than her monthly phone calls to her mother, Henry was the only person she kept in constant contact with while she was away. Sure, her father joined in on the phone calls, but she didn’t talk to them as much as she did her little brother. Most of her conversations with him weren’t about anything; they would send each other funny articles they found, keep each other updated on their own personal ongoings (Henry’s days at school and Emma’s escapades around LA, usually watered down for her brother’s sake). 

Thankfully, her brother never blamed for her leaving. He understood her better than anyone could ever dream of. He got her need to live her dream, he got that she didn’t want to fit into a box that was already made for her. Henry always supported her, and she would always support him. She would however, be very hard on his new girlfriend. Henry deserved the best and Emma was going to make sure whoever he decided to date would be the best. 

The kitchen, where Emma had eaten breakfast each morning before school, surprisingly hadn’t changed. She had expected her mother to renovate the area, since the last time it was updated was a year or so after Henry was born. Yet as she stood next to the island, the same familiar smells wafted through the area and the same country blue paint of the backgrounds surrounded her. 

Her mother walked around the area gathering all the food she had prepared for her daughter. Emma took her seat at the island, watching the trees sway in the breeze outside of their large kitchen window. The treehouse was still up and there was still a tire swing attached to another large oak. She had been preparing herself for changes yet she saw almost none. She wasn’t quite sure what to think about the lack of changes. 

“So, your flight was good? You had a chance to catch up with Killian?” her mother asked as she sat everything down in front of Emma. The woman took a seat next to her daughter and turned her whole body to actually pay attention to the conversation. Emma wasn’t really sure what to think about it. She was taken aback by her mother’s character change, so much so that she didn’t answer at first. It took her a minute to answer.

“Ummmm…. It was good. Nothing special really, which is good for a flight. And yeah, I was able to catch up with Killian.” Emma only gave her mother the quick run down, unwilling to go any further into what had happened on the flight. 

“It’s good you had a chance to catch up with him. Both of you have been gone for such a long time. I’m sure Addie is happy to have him back, I know your father and I are overjoyed that you are finally home,” her mother beamed. 

“Alright mom cut the shit, what the hell is going on? You aren’t acting normal,” Emma asked, not wanting this weird conversation where her mother wasn’t the center of attention to continue. It wasn’t what Emma was used to and it made her uneasy. 

“Nothing is wrong Emma,” her mother began before Emma interrupted.

“Nothing is wrong? You seriously expect me to believe that? You have never had a conversation with me that hasn’t started wtih you berating my choice in career, telling me about some stupid party, or some other bullshit. So what the hell is going on?” Emma almost yelled, tired of the run around.

“Emma, your leaving was tough, on all of us,” her mother began, causing Emma to roll her eyes. “Now stop that, I am trying to explain and you pulling your attitude will not help.”

Emma sighed and turned to face her mother. She seemed different. Her posture, while still confident, seemed off. She didn’t seem as happy as she once was. 

“Thank you. Like I was saying, your leaving was hard on all of us. Especially me,” her mother looked right into her daughter’s eyes, with tears brimming, “Emma, I am so sorry for how I acted when you were younger. Growing up, I was always expected to behave a certain way, to become exactly what my mother was. I wanted different for you. That is why I pushed you to go to college, why I wanted you to have something to live for. I know it isn’t an excuse for what I did, but it is the reason.”

Emma couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Just a month ago, her mother sounded completely different. She belittled Emma’s new gig and couldn’t seem to understand why Emma didn’t want to get a normal job. What had happened that made her all of a sudden decide to change?

“Just last month though, you were on a tirade about how my job wasn’t worth my time!” Emma stated, with a bit of anger in her voice. 

“It’s because you are doing something you wanted to do, and truthfully honey, I was… am… a bit jealous. I never got that opportunity. I never got to do what I wanted to. Yes, I married your father, and I had you and Henry, but I never got to do what I wanted. Did you know I wanted to teach?” The question surprised Emma. She knew her mother had a passion for education, sitting on the board of three different education charities, but she never knew her mother had other dreams. 

“No,” Emma whispered. 

“I did. When I was younger, I wanted to teach. Kindergarten actually. Your grandmother never let me follow through on those dreams. She told me that college was a waste of time, that my life was with the business and running charities. I was to do what all Blanchard women had done for years. Since you have left, I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I did. I pushed you to college because I never got that opportunity. I did to you exactly what my mother did to me, just different. I always wanted more for you, for you to grow and to become a strong leader. It just look me awhile to see that this, you modeling, is your passion,” her mother cried, tears now streaming down her face. Her mother’s hands were resting near Emma’s plate, palms up, waiting for Emma to take them. Waiting for Emma to tell her that everything she had done was OK. 

“Emma, I am sorry that I was so hard on you. I am sorry that I never supported you the way you deserved. You were always so head strong, so independent, just like your father. I didn’t quite know how to raise you. I struggled. You were your father’s daughter. You were always closer to him than you were to me. I was jealous about that as well. That is why I pushed myself further into my charities, why I missed so much. It hurt me to see you so happy with your father, but so unhappy with me. I am so sorry that I let you down Emma. I am so sorry that I was the reason you felt the need to leave. I am sorry that I made you feel that you were better off far away from home.” 

Emma couldn’t take it anymore, so she placed her hands on her mother’s and gave them a gentle squeeze. Yes, her mother wasn’t the best when she was younger, but Emma always knew her mother loved her. She never thought any differently. She knew her mother had been upset about something for years, but this was the first time her mother ever opened up to her daughter. She knew it was hard for her. 

“Oh mom,” Emma began, scooting her chair closer to her mother, “Please don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry Emma. Really, I am. You have no idea how happy I am that you came home. My only wish for this trip is that you see just how loved you are here and don’t stay away for this long again.” Mary Margaret had never been more sincere in her life. 

“It’s OK mom. I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I stayed away for so long, but I can promise you, this isn’t just because of you.” Emma knew that now was the time to revitalize and start to mend her relationship with her mother. She had always wished she was closer with her mother and now was the chance to actually do that. 

Clearly, they had both grown in the time Emma had been away. Her mother seemed to no longer be the woman she once was, who spent too much time focusing on projects instead of her daughter. Emma was no longer the scared girl who was annoyed with her mother’s behaviour and couldn't wrap her head around why her attitude was so poor towards her. 

It made sense to her that her mother acted the way she did. She remembered her grandmother, Ava, wasn’t a horrible person. She was just someone who was raised very differently and in a different time, when women weren’t in charge and who didn’t really do much if they had money. Ava always instilled the importance of charity work in her daughter and wanted her daughter to take over for her when she passed. Now that Emma thought about it, she did remember her mother and grandmother having a rather loud discussion about Mary Margaret’s involvement in something. In fact, now that Emma really thought about it, their conversations sounded a lot like the conversations she used to have with her mother. 

It was time now to change things. That is what this trip was all about anyway. She came home to get away from Neal, to make that change, to make sure she never went back to him. She wanted to make sure that she would never be hurt like that again. So why not fix her relationship with her mother as well? Why not return to LA knowing she had someone, somewhere to turn to if things got bad again? 

Emma knew deep down that part of the reason she didn’t handle the situation with Neal well was because she didn’t have someone, more specifically a mother, to talk to about things like this. Emma had never talked to her mother about relationships. Maybe if she had thought she could talk to her mother when she was struggling, she would have handled Killian’s abrupt withdrawal differently and she knew for a fact she would have been able to handle Neal’s betrayal better.

“Mom, I’m sorry too,” she began, handing her mother a tissue to dry her tears, “I never really understood where you were coming from. I didn’t try to understand. But, I didn’t leave because of you, or at least it wasn’t just because of our strained relationship. Sure, it helped me make the decision, but I didn’t come home just because we didn’t have the best relationship.” 

“Why then? Why didn’t you come home? Sweetie, you could have told us anything, you know that. What happened?” It was like a huge change in her mother when she was asking Emma these questions. The woman in front of her was so different. Emma could see she truly cared about what caused Emma to stay away. She truly wanted to be there for Emma, she wanted to mend their relationship, just like Emma did.

“It’s a long story mom and you still have dinner to get ready,” Emma said, hoping to put off the heart to heart for a few minutes at least. 

Yes, she wanted to better their relationship but at the same time, she didn’t want to air all of her dirty laundry to her mom. She didn’t know if she could handle telling her everything, mostly because she didn’t want to relive it herself. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to share it, she just didn’t want to have to say it. 

“How about we kill two birds with one stone? I need some help finishing up dinner and I’ve always found it easier to talk about hard things when you are elbow deep in rolling dough,” her mother smiled, giving her a wink. 

Maybe this relationship with her mother will be easier to repair than she thought.

Before they actually dove into finishing dinner, Emma scarfed down her grilled cheese and took a quick shower, feeling gross from the flight. Airplane rides always did that to her, so it wasn’t just because she could still feel Killian’s hands on her. 

During the baking of the peach pie (apple pie was forbidden in the Nolan household, thanks to her mother’s horrible allergy), Emma told her mother about her senior year in school. She spilled the beans on everything. She explained how her mother’s disapproval of things did help to drive her away, but she understood now why she did it and didn’t blame her. 

Her mother was nothing but supportive during the discussion. She laughed at appropriate times, including the fact that Emma got drunk that night, and was sympathetic to what Emma had felt at Killian’s sudden disappearance. She understood why Emma felt the need to get away and even told her she would have done the same thing if her father had pulled the same stunt when they were young. 

“So, this morning was the first time you’ve seen Killian since that Christmas?” her mother asked, making sure she got the story straight. Emma was sure that eventually Mrs. Jones would be hearing this but it didn’t really bother her. And who knows, maybe having his mother yell at him would help him tell her why he just left with no explanation. 

“Yeah, he promised to show up at my party but he didn’t. You would have thought with both of us being in LA, we would have ran into each other, or at least seen each other’s name in the papers but somehow we were able to stay invisible,” Emma explained, a sad look coming over her face. They were almost done with dinner, which was good, considering it was supposed to start in thirty minutes. 

Her father had gotten home a few minutes ago and Emma had never seen him as happy as he was when he saw his wife and daughter actually working together, with no bickering, and talking about Emma’s past. He quickly kissed each of them hello and left them to their own accords. 

“How did that go? This morning I mean?” her mother asked.

“Differently than I expected,” Emma said, a blush forming on her cheeks. Her mother didn’t miss the subtle change in Emma’s appearance either. 

“You still like him, don’t you?” her mother asked with a smile.

“No, that ship has sailed,” Emma lied, trying to cover up her new feelings that were building towards her neighbor. 

“OK…” her mother said with a drawn out voice, “that’s probably good anyways”

Emma turned to her mother, who was now wiping down the counter. The patio was made for dinner, tables surrounding it and citronella candles already lit in the center. The food was already prepared on platters and was waiting patiently for the Jones family and Henry to arrive. 

“Why would you say that?” she asked.

“Well, as you probably saw earlier, Liam is also back in town, unable to pass up the opportunity to see his brother. He's brought his entire clan with him. He got married you know? Oh, to a lovely woman, and they have four kids. Well, that meant that the Jones’ don’t have enough room for everyone, so I offered them for us to house Killian here for his stay. He is staying in the guest room,” her mother said blatantly, walking towards the door that just rang, leaving Emma stunned. 

The oncoming storm that was the Jones clan coming into the Nolan’s home kept Emma’s worry from overwhelming her. Before she knew it, she had been given too many hugs to count, too many kisses on cheeks and been through a whirlwind introduction of Liam’s family. 

It wasn’t until everyone was seated outside, waiting for Henry to show up with his girlfriend, that Emma’s thoughts had the opportunity to take over. 

Killian was going to be staying with them, in the guest room. The guest room that shared a bathroom with hers. How did her mother even allow this to happen? Why couldn’t she invite Evie over to stay instead? 

She was already having a hard time thinking through her feelings about what happened on the flight. She had really enjoyed those moments, but she wasn’t 100% sure she wanted to repeat them. Actually, she knew she did, especially if he kissed her the way he did earlier, but she wasn’t sure if it was the right thing. They had been drinking when they kissed, had been wrapped up in the past. He said he didn’t regret it earlier, but what about now, what about after the buzz of the rum wore off? 

He hadn’t regretted what they had done. She hadn’t either. However, she didn’t want to have to face him every morning, noon, and night. She wanted to be able to think through things without him being right there. She wanted to be able to decide if things between them would go anywhere, without a joined bathroom between them. How would she ever be able to determine what is between them if they were constantly forced together? She needed to be sure about her feelings and with their first encounter in almost seven years happening because of a drunken game of truth or dare, she had to be sure that nothing was impeding her feelings. 

Thankfully, the arrival of Henry and his girlfriend Violet, pulled Emma from her thoughts. Violet seemed like a nice girl. A bit shy, especially around the large group, but all things aside, she was a sweet girl. She looked at Henry the way her mother looked at her father. It was sweet actually. They had a relationship that most adults would kill for. Emma could only hope that it would last. She knew that young love, that first high school, puppy love, didn’t really last. Or if it did, it was as rare as soul mates and true love. 

Dinner went well, or as well as a group of sixteen people could make dinner go. The place was a mess by the time dessert and the real conversation rolled around. Dinner had started with simple small talk; discussion of the weather, Henry’s hopes for graduation, as well as Violets, discussion of how stupid politics were, and Emma’s least favorite pastime, stories of the kids when they were younger. Her father loved spilling stories of her when she was little, before she went off to conquer the world. Mr. Jones was the same way, but his stories tended to focus on Liam and not Killian. She could see his face fall with each passing story. 

She wasn’t quite sure if her mother had planned it, but Killian was sitting right across from her. So throughout the whole meal, after he took his luggage up to the guest room when he arrived, she had to make quick glances at him. She couldn’t help it, her eyes were drawn to him. He started off the meal looking happy and content, shooting off jokes with his brother and little sister. Yet, as his father told story after story of Liam’s childhood, his face continued to fall. She silently prayed that someone would change the subject to lighten the torture on him.

She wasn’t thankful for the change of subject when it did eventually come around. 

“So Emma, why don’t you tell us all about your little adventures in modeling?” Mary Margaret said. She didn’t mind being asked about her time modeling or telling them that she had done some pretty big jobs in the past year, enough so that she could quit her waitressing job, but she wasn’t too happy about the way her mother worded the question. They were still learning each other, and she knew it would take some time for their relationship to be where it should be, but the way her mother worded the question made Emma stew. 

“Well mom,” she said, with annoyance in her voice, hoping her mother took note of the situation, “things have been going pretty well. I actually booked a few shoots earlier in the year that have given me enough in savings that I was able to quit my job waitressing, so now I can focus on my shoots instead.”

She saw the look of pride on her father’s face. Her mother however, looked a bit disappointed. Everyone else at the table didn’t look any different, with smiles still plastered on their faces. 

“Emma, that’s wonderful!” her father said, beaming. 

“Sweetie, are you sure you can afford to actually quit a paying job? I only ask because I don’t want you to worry about money or anything. Maybe you should use that degree you got, put some of the hard work to good use,” her mother questioned. After their previous conversation, Emma knew she didn’t mean to sound condescending, but it still hurt to hear the disbelief in her mother’s voice. 

“Yes mom, I am sure I can afford it,” she replied, with nothing but irritation seeping through her tone. “And I don’t need to do anything with my degree. I’m happy doing what I’m doing right now.”

“Emma, what else have you been doing out there? Go to any parties? Have any boyfriends?” Adelaide asked, with more love in her voice than in her mother’s last two questions combined. She smiled at the woman who always supported her. She knew she was being harsh on her mother, but she had hoped for at least a few hours of normalcy before her mother’s old colors showed through the new paint. 

“Well, I’m currently helping my two best friends get engaged. They’ve been together since right after I moved to LA. Ruby and Lacey are perfect together. And no, I don’t really go to any parties, it isn’t really my scene. My ex did though. I’d say that was part of what led to our break up,” Emma confessed. 

She hadn’t told anyone at home about Neal. No one seated at the table knew she even had a boyfriend in LA. She hadn’t meant to talk about it either, but Adelaide’s calming voice and question tore down her walls quick and had Emma spilling some of her guts. 

“You had a boyfriend?” Evie squealed, looking nothing but excited about the development. She lived for “love stories” even if they ended badly. She was a junkie for anything remotely romantic. 

“I did, but we just broke up actually. It wasn’t going to work out,” she explained, willing them all to leave it at that. She knew most of the table would, but she was worried about her mother as she looked down to the head of the table. 

“What does he do? Is he a model too?” Brennan asked.

“No. Well yes and no. He is a model, but he is also a business owner, or something like a business owner. His father owns a couple of businesses and he helps out,” Emma explained, with detest in her voice. Now that she was describing Neal, how could she even date a male model?

“You never know Emma, maybe you two will make up when you get back. Sometimes love needs some time apart. You never know,” her mother started.

“Actually, I’m pretty sure Neal and I will not work out,” Emma tried to tell her.

“Believe me sweetie, sometimes it just takes some distance. Just wait and see,” her mother said one last time. 

“No mom it won’t!” Emma finally let her anger out. 

The table went quiet immediately. No one lifted a drink or a fork, some of the plates of pies sitting untouched for what seemed like an eternity. 

“Well let’s move on, it doesn’t seem like we are going to be agreeing on Emma’s love life anytime soon,” Adelaide said, trying to lighten the situation. 

“Killian, when do you start training? By the way, the league made such a stupid decision to bench you!” her father said from the other end of the table. 

So that was something new. She didn’t know he was suspended. She knew something was up when he said he was coming home for three weeks, especially since the season was in mid swing and everyone was gearing up for the series. She had just assumed it was an injury or a needed vacation, but suspended? 

“Well, the league was just doing what it had to. I don’t blame them, it could have been a lot worse. But I start in a few days. I can’t train with the Nationals, sorry David, but I am training with one of the minor leagues, so hopefully I can keep up with everything. I’m trying to look at this in a positive light, maybe take the time to do some thinking,” he explained, sadness lacing his voice. She could tell he was missing his time on the field. What had happened to him, what was so bad that it got him benched?

“Thank God they sent him here to do it too, I couldn’t stomach him staying in LA training while that woman waltzed around, continuing to ruin his career,” Brennan cursed from near Killian. She could see the anger in the elder Jones’ eyes. Liam was trying to calm his father down, placing a hand up to tell him to drop it. 

“Dad…” Liam began, but was quickly interrupted.

“No Liam! Killian is throwing everything away over some whore who has controlled him for way too long. If anything good came of this shit show, it was this woman being removed from his life forever. At least that is what we can hope, right Killian?” Brennan's words hurt even Emma. The tone of his voice was vicious and harsh. Emma could see Killian breaking and all she wanted to do in that moment was console him. She wanted to tell him no matter what she would support him, unlike his father. 

“Brennan…” Adelaide tried to calm her husband down, but to no avail.

“All of you, stop. Killian knows he screwed up. He has made it too far to just throw away his career over some woman. His career hangs in a balance and all because he allowed this woman to control everything he did. Killian, you need to work hard while you are here. This isn’t a vacation or a chance to, what is it you said, do some thinking. This is your livelihood, you can’t be a pansy ass about it!” Brennan’s voice was getting louder after each and every word. 

Emma could tell Brennan was riling himself up to say something else, but before anyone was able to get out another word out, Killian stood up, his chair flying as he stormed into the house that he was now staying in. He was muttering some curse words that were brilliantly strung together about his father. 

No one else stood up from the table. Liam and his family turned back to their pies. Violet and Henry were like deers in headlights, unsure what to actually do in that moment. Emma felt bad for the girl. For the first time meeting the “extended family”, she was getting an eye and earful. Everyone sat in silence and ate for the next ten minutes. 

Brennan was the first one to get up and make his way to leave. He thanked the Nolan’s for dinner, saying that he would see David tomorrow to discuss something and headed out. Thankfully, he didn’t go through the house, since their backyards were only separated by a wooden fence that shared a gate. 

“I’m so sorry Mary, he’s been so upset since this whole suspension went down. I begged him not to bring it up. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Adelaide said as she stood up to make her leave, kissing her mother on the cheek. Her mother just waved her off, a knowing look in her eyes. This actually was pretty normal; Brennan losing his temper wasn’t anything new. 

Emma was actually kind of pissed no one from Killian’s family got up to check on him when he stormed out. She would have gone after him, but it didn’t really seem like her place. She had only reconnected with him again a few hours earlier. She didn’t know what he was going through. Well she kind of did, but she knew nothing about the background. 

Thankfully the rule in Emma’s family was whoever made the meal didn’t have to clean up, so she decided to turn in, claiming tiredness from the trip. She was, but she was also just ready to get away from all of the drama of the day. After seeing how Brennan treated Killian, Emma couldn’t be upset with her mother’s insistent questioning or belittling comments. Compared to Brennan, Mary Margaret wasn’t rude, it was just who she was. It was a bit annoying but at least she did it out of love. 

Emma was right about her room not changing; even the stupid poster was still there. As she looked at it though, she realized she would have been upset if it had been taken down. It was part of her past, part of who she was, and she could never get rid of it. She laid on her bed for a couple of minutes, staring up at Nick’s face, but she couldn’t get Killian off her mind. He was only a few feet away and she could practically feel him stewing. She felt bad for him. It wasn’t pity, but she felt his pain. 

It was another few minutes of her pacing the floor of her bedroom and their shared bathroom before she knocked on the door of the guest room. She noticed that there were no lights on from the sliver below the door. She hoped she wasn’t waking him. 

She heard some movement from the room, but no answer. Something in her though told her to just go in, so she did. 

What she saw utterly wrecked her. Killian was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking towards the bathroom door. His hair disheveled and eyes puffy. In his hand he held a tumbler, which was half full of amber liquid. A bottle sat at his feet, also half empty. Something told her the bottle had been full only twenty minutes ago. Killian was a broken man and Emma made up her mind in that moment that she was going to fix him.


	6. Chapter 6

He knew when he arrived home that his father would be waiting to tear into him. It was the only thing he had truly been dreading since the whole ordeal happened. His damn father was never going to let him hear the end of it, would never let him live it down. His father had been riding him non-stop since he was a boy; he would say Killian had too much talent to waste and that if he only worked just a bit harder, he would achieve his dreams. It didn’t matter that his teams had won multiple high school, college and actual world series championships, Killian was still not good enough for his father. 

Thankfully, his mother didn’t allow his father to tear into him too much. They watched Emma interact with her family before they went inside. He felt a twinge of jealously at the reunion. Her parents, no matter how much her mother acted as if she didn’t care, really did love their daughter. Deep down, he knew the Nolan’s understood Emma’s needs and wants. She had two parents who were always loving and caring. Sure, her mother had a weird way of showing it, but at least her mother wouldn’t dig into her the way his father was going to do to him. 

Liam and his family were waiting outside to greet him, where he was met with hugs and lots of questions from his nephews and nieces. He hadn’t been around much for them, but he tried to be a good uncle and send them large gifts on their birthdays and Christmas to make up for his absence. Thankfully, the kids were still young enough that they didn’t mind. It still hurt him though, as he hugged the smallest Jones child, that he had missed so much of their lives, had been absent from them and for something he wasn’t even sure he loved anymore. Wasn’t family supposed to be the most important thing? Wasn’t his career supposed to take a backseat to his family? He kept those thoughts to himself though, knowing if he said something it would be more ammunition for his father. 

Once inside, Killian was finally confronted with his father’s presence. Brennan Jones was a beast of a man. He stood a bit taller than Emma’s father and was more built. His hair was shaggy and his eyes a darker blue than Killian’s. Thankfully, at least in his mind, Killian took after his mother and not his father, in both looks and temperament. Well, most of the time. Liam looked more like their father. Killian braced himself for the onslaught of anger that he could feel radiating off his father. They were all situated in the family room, the kids already giving their attention to the games they brought rather than the adults. 

But nothing came. His father looked at him, for a good ten minutes, with silence just passing between all in the room. It was a cold silence, one that would send a normal person’s senses awry. A chill crept up his back as the moments ticked by, waiting for the bellow to spill from his father’s throat. His father’s stare never faltered though. He stared daggers into his son and Killian knew exactly what his father was thinking. Look at my disappointing son, he can never do anything right. He let some woman come between him and greatness. He was meant for better and he knows it. He could do so much better, if he just stopped thinking about everything else and just focused on the game. His swings are becoming too slow and his pick up isn’t where it used to be. He isn’t worried about what this means though. Killian had a full conversation with his father in his mind, as they just stared at each other with distaste. 

Brennan was definitely not happy about having to see his son but that didn’t bother Killian at all; the feeling was definitely mutual. If his father had only supported him in a different way, maybe things would have never gotten this far. Maybe if his father had just told Killian months ago that he understood his grief and anger, Killian would have never thrown that swing at Gold. No one really understood exactly what was happening between Killian, Milah and Gold - except for his father. Liam didn’t even know the full story, so Killian had been hoping that his father would at least give him some good fatherly advice. He should have known that would never happen. If he had, he might not have been so disappointed when he was let down by his father, again. 

After what seemed like an eternity, Brennan stormed out of the room, refusing to even acknowledge Killian’s homecoming. Killian’s shoulders fell, and he was actually disappointed that his father didn’t tear him a new one. He had never seen his father act this way, had never seen him shy away from an opportunity to tell Killian just how much of a fuck up he was. 

“Hey, don’t worry darling, he’ll come around. He just wants what’s best for you,” his mother said, trying to help the situation. She rested her hand on her son’s shoulder, trying to soothe him after the tense stare off.

“No ma, he wants what is best for his image,” Killian whispered his reply. It had been the same thing he kept telling his mother every time something like this happened. 

“Well, I for one am glad that you are home little brother. You haven’t seen Charlie since he was born and you have only just met Emily. Come on, spend some time with your nieces and nephews before dad decides he wants to yell or gets too pissed to care,” Liam offered. Killian decided to let the little brother comment slide, just thankful at the moment that Liam had Killian’s back. 

“Oh Killian, before you run off, we need to talk about the next few weeks,” his mother said, motioning for everyone to sit down at the table. 

Amelia, Liam’s wife, took a seat next to her husband, lacing their hands together above the table. Killian felt a pang of jealously run through him again. He never used to be this jealous of others. Sure, he wanted what Liam had. When he was with Milah they used to talk about starting a family once Killian made the majors and spending time with Liam’s brood whenever they could. Amy was one of the only people in the family Milah could stand. He now realized it was because Amy wasn’t the type to inject herself into a conversation or fight, only ever speaking if she needed to calm Liam down or something needed to be said. He admired her in a way. Milah was the opposite, always putting herself into the middle of any drama that came her way. Half the time, Milah took Brennan’s side when he found himself arguing with his father.

Now, seeing Liam and Amy in a new light, he longed to have someone that just understood him and exactly what he needed in any given moment. He wished he had someone who supported him through everything and always had his back. He wanted someone loving and caring, like Amy, who went out of her way to help others around her. 

“Alright so Killian, as you know, Liam is here. We didn’t expect him to come down with the family for the length of your stay, but we are so happy they are here. I am so happy the whole family is back together again,” his mother said, with tears in her eyes. She was always emotional, and it touched Killian just how much she missed him. 

It was true though, no one thought Liam was going to come down with his whole family. This was all so very last minute, especially since Killian didn’t know he would be coming home till that morning. 

“Aye, how did that play out by the way? I didn’t even know I would be coming home,” he questioned his thoughts. 

“Well, your mother called us when the incident happened,” Amy whispered, trying to not really acknowledge the matter that brought Killian home, “ and Liam thought that the league would suspend you. He had a feeling that you would come home. So, he took his vacation days and we drove down the next day. We decided that even if you weren’t suspended, even if you didn’t come home, at least the kids could visit with their grandparents and maybe them being here would calm your father down a bit. He does seem to cool off when they are around.”

His sister-in-law was right about that. His father rarely yelled in front of the grandkids. Killian could remember about a year back when he didn’t hit a single ball during a game, his father was surprisingly calm about the whole situation. He later found out that Liam and Brennan watched the game together and Charlie was there. 

“I wanted to be here for you if you did come home,” Liam added. 

“Thanks brother,” Killian said, sporting a slight smile that he had lost since seeing his father. 

“So, like I was saying, Liam and the kids are here for your entire stay, but that means we are a bit short on rooms,” his mother began, and the lightbulb in Killian’s mind went off, finally understanding what she was trying to hint at. They had given his room to Liam and Amy. Liam’s old room went to Charles and his younger brother, while his two nieces would be sleeping in the guest room. This meant that Killian was going to be forced to either sleep on the couch, on the air mattress, or get a hotel. 

“It’s fine ma, I can drive up to the Inn and get a room, it’s no problem,” Killian said quickly, not wanting to miss the chance to get away from his father. Well actually, his family too. While they loved him, he had gotten used to being alone. He enjoyed the moments of solitude it provided to him. He had originally bought his house to fill with a family, but in these past few months, the house allowed him a space to heal privately. Sure, the rooms still held some hopes and dreams of his, like ones that were supposed to be nurseries and playrooms, but he knew that maybe one day, with some other family, the rooms would be used. 

“Actually Killian, you can’t,” his mother said before Killian had a chance to whip out his phone and make a reservation. 

“What do you mean?” he questioned.

“Well, I spoke with your manager, and according to him, you have to be with us. It’s part of his deal. He wants someone to make sure you are doing what you need to, that you are taking care of yourself,” she explained, reaching across to take his hand. 

He wasn’t sure if he was going to call Graham and yell at him or thank him. While he didn’t need someone to make sure he was following directions, he knew Graham wasn’t coming at it from that angle. He just wanted to make sure Killian was focusing on not just his baseball career, but his attitude as well. While Killian enjoyed space, he knew deep down that if he had to deal with his father on a more personal level, being alone wouldn’t help his attitude. 

“So what do you recommend? I don’t really think I should have to sleep on the couch or on the floor of the office,” Killian countered. 

“Well thankfully, I was talking with Mary Margaret this morning when Mr. Humbert called. I was explaining to him the situation, when Mary offered to let you have the guest room in their home. Emma is going to be back in her old room and they aren’t having any guests stay with them for Henry’s graduation, so I thought it would be perfect!” his mother said, sounding very excited. 

Killian on the other hand, wasn’t. Well, maybe he was, since it would mean seeing more of Emma, but it would also mean seeing more of Emma. He wasn’t one hundred percent sure he would be able to contain himself around her. He was already thinking too much of what they could do together and what they could be. How was he supposed to work through all of his feelings towards seeing her again, if he was sleeping a mere 200 feet from her. Being across the yard, in a different home, would allow him to really decide what he was feeling, to determine if they had more than just a sexual attraction. He was also pretty sure she wouldn’t be too happy about the sleeping arrangements either. 

“Ma, I really don’t…” he began, before he was cut off by his father, who happened to reappear.

“You will do this Killian. I don’t care what you want, you will do this. You will stay at the Nolan's and you will attend every single practice your coach and manager want you to. You will train every day, running and working out, making sure you don’t let YOUR fuck up destroy everything we’ve worked so hard for,” his father bellowed, making heads whip around. 

He knew better than to fight with his dad, knew better than to bring more attention to the situation. So he took the hit. He would stay at the Nolan’s and do everything his father said. Who knows, maybe the three weeks would fly by and before he knew it, he would be back in LA, far from the grip of his father. So Killian just nodded, acknowledging what his father said, hoping the man would return to where he was hiding out. 

“Perfect! We’ll take your things over when we go to dinner. Liam, why don’t you get the kids cleaned up, Killian you can freshen up in the master and we’ll head over in about an hour!” his mother’s excitement uncontainable. 

Killian’s excitement was nowhere to be found. 

He knew it was only a matter of time until his father let into him. He was just hoping it wouldn’t have been during the dinner. He didn’t want to deal with that in front of the Nolan’s. He had always respected David and Mary Margaret and it felt like he was disappointing them, as well as his family, over something he knew was stupid and regretted. 

He was already pissed at how Mary Margaret was talking to Emma. He could see it in her eyes just how upset she was getting. No one else seemed to notice her discomfort at the discussion of her love life. He wasn’t too comfortable with it either. They hadn’t really shared what had happened with each other back in LA; he had suspected something had happened with someone, but he never really thought it would be a boyfriend. It was kind of hard to swallow, Emma having a serious boyfriend. Another round of jealously washed over him and he was getting a bit annoyed. 

All too soon the conversation moved to him and he knew he was in for it. He answered David quite diplomatically if you asked him. He knew why the league did what they did. He understood. He really did want to get back to enjoying the game, something that he used to feel. He really was going to try and look at this with a positive light, but once his father opened his mouth, Killian knew that it would be almost impossible. To his father, this wasn’t something that could help his son in the long run, it was something embarrassing and stupid.

Killian decided not to respond to anything his father said. He sat there and he took it, as he knew if he argued or talked back to his father, Brennan would continue to berate him in front of people he cared about. He was pissed his father didn’t understand what had happened. He was pissed his father let his dirty laundry air in front of Emma. His father just had to bring up Milah, just had to say that this was all her fault. So now, Killian was sure Emma would think he was caught up in some raunchy lifestyle. His father had just ruined any chance he had with Emma, he just knew it. 

He had quickly retreated into the guest room. He had forgotten it shared a bathroom with Emma’s and it was the only thing that picked up his spirits. Maybe, just maybe, if she didn’t think he was such a horrible person because of what his father said, and had probably continued to say after he left, they could utilize those shared doors. However, his spirits soon dropped again when he realized it was just never going to happen. 

Thankfully, he had stopped at David’s bar before walking up to the room and the bottle of rum that he held in his hand was his favorite. He took a few swigs as his mind raced to all the bad things that had happened in just the past few months. He spent some time thinking about Milah, and by the time she left his mind, half of his bottle was empty. 

As he took another swig from his tumbler that he had filled with ice, he thought he heard a knock from the bathroom door. The light was on now, but he didn’t think anything of it. He was content to just sit in the darkness of the guest room, wallowing in his own self pity. He would wake up in the morning and do what he came here to do. He took another swig, moving himself to sit on the edge of the bed. 

He was surprised when the handle on the door turned and Emma walked into his room. He was ashamed that she would see him like this, drunk and broken. He had actually shed a few tears as well, thinking about what could have been with and without Milah, if only he had changed one thing all those years ago. 

However, as his eyes met hers, he was surprised that he didn’t see disgust there. Instead, he was met with understanding and compassion. She didn’t seem to care about what his father had said or what he had done in the past. She walked slowly over to him, taking the glass from his hand. She placed it on the night stand next to his bed, then moved the bottle to the dresser near the door. 

She came to sit down next to him, their shoulders touching. She was intoxicating; her hair smelled even more delectable than earlier. She was warm too, probably from the setting sun that had shone in the backyard earlier. He had spent the first part of dinner stealing glances towards the blonde. He tried to play it off by joking with Liam and Evie, but he couldn’t help but look at her every few seconds. The large smile on her face and the way her eyes sparkled in the candlelight sent him into a trance. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to just kiss her senseless again. He wanted to feel her skin beneath his, to feel what her breasts would feel like in the palm of his hand. He wanted to hear her moans as he sucked her neck and felt her squirm to get closer to him. He wanted to bring every fantasy he once had of her to life. 

“What’s going on Killian?” she asked, spurring him from his thoughts. 

“I’m fine love, everything is fine,” he replied, trying to not let on how upset he had just been. 

“Killian, talk to me. We used to talk about so many things. Remember? We used to stay up late at night, well late for me, and just talk about nothing and everything. You were always there for me, and now I want to be there for you,” she said, reaching across his body to take his entwined hands in hers. 

“Aye, I remember,” he said in a whisper.

“It was one of the things I really lo… liked about you. You always listened, no matter what I was talking about. I just want to help. Something has happened to you that has changed that part of you. When you didn’t show up to graduation, it shattered me, but there was always something in the back of my mind that told me you wouldn’t have done it, not unless you had to. What happened to you that made you this different person? What happened to the Killian I used to know?” she pleaded, with sadness to her voice. 

He looked up again, meeting her eyes. There were tears in the gorgeous green orbs, and all over again, his heart was breaking because of what he did to her. Everything that had happened in the past few years all came back to one person, and maybe now was the time Killian could finally tell Emma what really happened. He could really apologize to her for the past. Maybe it was the only way they could look forward. 

“Are you sure you want to hear it love?” he asked, opting to give her one final pass.

“Yes, please. I just want to help, and I can’t do that unless I know what has happened,” she said, squeezing his hands. 

Milah had dropped the bomb on him. She was pregnant. About a two and a half months along. It must have happened the last time the two were together, which didn’t surprise him considering how drunk he was that night. She had disappeared because she wasn’t sure what she was going to do with it. He was glad he took her away from the Nolan’s as it wasn’t the place he wanted to be discovered having this conversation. He was furious she hadn’t told him sooner. This was his child, just as much as it was hers. He deserved to have a say in the matter. Of course, he would support whatever decision she made, but he deserved to have his voice heard. 

He had dreamt of a family, one day in the far future with someone else, but he wouldn’t take that out on his child. And besides, he had once loved Milah. Maybe this was just a sign that he hadn’t worked hard enough at their relationship. Maybe it was a sign that what he was doing with Emma was wrong and that he needed to fix things with Milah. 

He was shocked, that much was true. But he was also happy and that surprised him. He didn’t think that he would be happy having a child with Milah. Hell, just having a child at all, but he found himself smiling each time he looked at her. 

They spent the rest of the day talking. Killian apologized for his behavior and explained to Milah just what he had been feeling in the past few months. He was more honest with her than he had ever been. If he was going to try and fix things with her, he was going to lay it all on the table, so they could start from a place of honesty and trust. She told him about her feelings as well, how she knew he had been acting strange. She apologized for not believing in him and for looking through his computer. Turns out, she wasn’t the only one who had neglected their relationship. 

Milah explained that she had another doctor’s appointment in Vegas the following week and Killian promised her he would be there. The following day, they traveled back home together, hand in hand, with a new found hope for their relationship and child. Killian swore he was going to be a better father than his own was, and that he would support and love Milah to the best of his ability. He was going to be a changed man and prove to her his commitment and devotion. 

Things did change, but not for the better. At her next appointment, Milah and Killian were given bad news. Milah had miscarried. The doctor explained there was nothing either one of them did or could have done to stop it from happening. He said that Milah’s family history did contribute a bit, but it would be possible for them to try again soon and that as long as Milah kept eating right and took things easy, another pregnancy could be in their near future. 

As the doctor left the room, Killian held Milah in his arms and sobbed with her. They were shattered by the news, but something stirred inside of him. The horrible news awoke something in him. Yes, he had said he would change and he had said he would do what was best for him and Milah, but he hadn’t proved it to himself. In that moment, he decided that Milah was who he wanted to share his life and a family with.

The few weeks following were difficult for the both of them, but they found themselves revitalized in their relationship. Things were getting better daily. Each day, Killian found a new reason to love and support Milah. He went above and beyond to lavish her and show her just how much she meant to him. He received an email from Emma on the night of her graduation, and he didn’t respond back, but he kept the message and all the past ones from her. He knew it was the last piece of the puzzle. If he kept it, if he allowed the communication channels to stay open, one day he may do something he regretted. So, he deleted the message and all of the old ones and closed down that email account. He told Milah about it later that night. She cried and thanked him for finally and fully committing to their relationship. 

Thankfully, right after Milah’s miscarriage, Killian found out he was actually transferred from the Triple A league in DC to one out west, allowing him to keep the distance between the couple and Emma. Milah was happy about that as well. She loved the west coast and Killian could tell she was happier there. 

Three years passed as Killian worked his way up through the minors. Milah was ever supportive by his side, cheering him on at every game. She helped him during the off seasons, helping him stretch and run his sprints. Not only had he changed his status in their relationship, it seemed Milah had as well. They spent many nights together, wrapped up in each other. After everything had happened, they decided they would wait to start a family, wanting to make sure the timing was right and they were both in a place of happiness in their relationship. So even though they were waiting to start that family, it didn’t mean they couldn’t practice until then. 

On the night before the majors draft three years after everything had happened, Killian proposed to Milah. It didn’t matter that his future in baseball hung in the hands of others and it didn’t matter that his father wouldn’t stop the pressure. It didn’t matter that everything was so uncertain. All that mattered was Milah and their life together. He was ready to start trying for a family. She was over the moon and accepted immediately. 

The next day, Killian was signed to the Dodgers. He was present at the draft, Milah unable to come due to a work commitment. She was a communications director for one of the triple A teams, so they had to cover their own press that night. He was sad she wouldn’t be there, but knew her job was important to her and gave her a way of expressing who she was. He was so proud of her and with his new job, she would be able to get a job within the organization. Besides, they promised to celebrate when he returned home the next day. 

He decided that he was going to surprise Milah. Normally, there was a big party for all those who were signed and drafted. Milah told him to stay and network, get to know people, but all he wanted to do was go home to her arms. So, he booked the last flight out and made it back to her in record time. It had only been 4 hours since he was signed, and he was still high on excitement when he pulled into their house. He would hate to leave this place but he had another surprise for Milah, other than his early return. He had bought a house in LA near the park for them to start their family in. His contract was substantial and he could afford the 2 million dollar home easily now. Smee, his manager he hired a year before, helped him do everything. He was going to make all of Milah’s dreams come true. 

Killian was so wrapped up in his excitement that he didn’t notice all the signs that were right in front of him as he climbed the steps to their bedroom. If he had been paying attention, he would have seen the drinks sitting out on the living room table; two tumblers filled with vodka. He would have seen a man’s coat hanging from the chair that sat in the hallway, along with a duffel bag. He would have heard the music coming from their bedroom. However, he didn’t notice any of that, his mind solely focused on finding his fiancé. 

It was only after he entered the room that he saw what the signs were pointing to. Milah was in bed, riding another man. Her head was thrown back in passion, a moan escaping her lips. The man beneath her was someone Killian knew and hated even before this moment. Robert Gold was holding Milah’s hips, begging her to ride him harder. The man was on a rival team and Killian had played him a few times. The man wasn’t that good of a player, and he was a bit older than the rest of them. He was known for his tricks during games and many people didn’t trust him on or off the field. 

Neither one of them noticed Killian’s arrival into the bedroom. He was unable to move, horrified and frozen by the scene that played out before him. He watched as his future wife climaxed at the will of another man and it made him so sick he almost threw up. As he watched her come down from her high, his resolve kicked in and he made his move. 

“What the fuck is this?” he screamed as he moved with a vengeance towards the bed. 

“Killian? It’s not what you think!” he heard Milah say as she moved off the man beneath her to hide near the closet. She picked up some article of clothing and tried to make herself look decent. 

Killian didn’t care that the other man was naked. He hurled himself at Gold, grabbing the man by the neck and forcing him to stand up and face him. 

“Oh really? You mean I didn’t just walk in on you fucking another man, a low man for that matter, in my bed, in the house I bought you, a day after you accepted my proposal? You mean I didn’t just see you come because of this disgusting excuse for a man?” he questioned, never turning to look at Milah, instead pushing Gold back so he was pinned against the wall. The man was furiously trying to break free of Killian’s grasp. 

“Killian, stop, you’re hurting him!” Milah cried, throwing herself at the duo. 

Killian’s grasp slipped and Gold stumbled away. He quickly picked up his clothing from the heap on the floor and ran for the door. Killian began screaming after him, following the man down the hallway and towards the front door. 

“That’s right, run! Run coward. You come into another man’s house and fuck his fiancee? You’d better run you low life, dirty asshole!” he screamed as he went, but before he could make his way out the front door to follow, Milah stepped in his way. 

“Killian, stop,” she pleaded, her hands coming up in surrender just like they did years ago when she confronted him at the Nolan’s. 

“Why? Why should I stop?” he bellowed.

“Because it isn’t his fault,” she cried, tears streaming down her face. The t-shirt she had picked up off the floor now covering her naked body. 

“What?” he barked, anger pulsing through him. 

Milah didn’t respond, instead she moved to sit down on the couch. Killian stood for a moment in his foyer, taking in everything around him. If only he had just been a bit more observant, he would have seen Gold’s car sitting at the bottom of the driveway. He would have seen all the other signs in his house that would lead him to know Milah had been unfaithful. It was in that moment he realized that this wasn’t something that just happened. Milah was just as much to blame as Gold. And what did she mean it wasn’t Gold’s fault?

“What the fuck is going on Milah?” he questioned, refusing to move into the living room. 

She didn’t answer.

“How long?” he didn’t want to hear the answer, but at least it would cover the what is going on question. 

“Two years,” she said in a whisper. His heart fell. For two years, two fucking years, Milah had been sleeping with another man. For two years, while he had been nothing but faithful to her, she had been doing exactly what she blamed him for doing years ago, while taking it to a whole new level.

“Why?” was all he responded.

“Two years ago, when they sent you to Seattle, I met Robert. I was worried about you being so far away, and how you didn’t try to stop the training from happening. I was worried that it was all a cover to see Emma. I kept tabs on her and knew she was in Seattle that weekend for some stupid photo shoot and I thought you were going to cheat on me. So I thought, why not? If you can do it, I can too,” she explained, and it was all a load of bullshit. If Milah kept tabs on Emma, than she knew Killian didn’t ever contact her. She was just using that as a excuse and he wasn’t going to put up with it. 

“Bullshit Milah! Why are you really screwing around, after everything we’ve been through? After everything we’ve done! Why even accept my proposal?” he questioned.

“Come on Killian, we’ve never really been happy. We both put on a mask. I’ve never really been happy. Sure, the first few months back together were nice, but you have to know we just aren’t meant for each other, one way or another. We would have never made it down the aisle,” she confessed. 

He didn’t think his heart could shatter any further, yet it was breaking again. For moments, they just sat there, neither of them talking. Finally, after an eternity, he told her he was going to stay at a hotel. She had till morning to get her shit out and find somewhere else to go. He was putting the house on the market first thing. He told her he never wanted to see or hear from her again. 

The next day, as Smee worked through all the paperwork, Killian reported for training with the Dodgers. He spent the next year working on his game, improving each day, hoping to put the image of Gold and Milah behind him. The best thing about the draft was he would never have to see them again. 

Robin had told him that Gold and Milah were living together a few months later and that they were engaged and expecting a baby. That night, Killian played the worst game of his life; he didn’t hit a single ball and he had to deal with his father’s complaints. 

It was that night he also told his father about Milah and what happened. His father didn’t act surprised, he told Killian she had been holding him back all along. He also said that now she was out of his life he could finally focus on what really mattered. 

Winning the World Series that year was the only thing that was happy about his first year in the league. 

The next time he saw Robert Gold was when he was hitting him on the mound in San Diego. 

“So there you have it love. I threw my career away over a woman who I believed to love me. I never thought I would see either of their faces again. Or at least not in the way I did, so when he finally hit me with that ball, I snapped. The bastard had it coming. I never once hit him when I found him fucking my fiancee,” he explained, ending his story. 

Emma had sat patiently during his tale. She never once let go of his hand. He saw her face fall when he said he had lost his child. He felt her slight strokes as tears slid down his face as he told her of finding Milah in bed with another man. She had been understanding and comforting towards him, and he had done nothing to deserve it. He didn’t deserve to have her comfort him. She shouldn’t have to hear what terrors had happened to him since their last encounter. 

Yet there she sat, her eyes wide but filled with compassion. Her hands held his as their thighs brushed together. 

“Well, if you ask me, he deserved it,” she said with a laugh, dissolving some of the tension in the room. 

It was dark, but he saw how her eyes shined. Here she was, trying to console him, trying to make him see the light at the end of the tunnel. He was sure that one day he would say that this was the moment he fell in love with Emma Swan all over again. 

“Aye lass maybe he did, but what my father said is still true. I was throwing it all away for Milah. If years ago, she had asked me to leave baseball to raise a family, I would have done so in an instant. I would have traded everything I had, everything I would have been, just to make her happy. And to find out she never really did love me, it makes me angry. I haven’t done anything my father didn’t warn me about,” he whispered, moving away from her touch and walking towards his tumbler she removed earlier. There was still a part of him, quite a large part, that felt ashamed of what had happened. 

He allowed himself to be played. He allowed himself to lose focus of what was important. He allowed himself to not see himself without a woman, that woman. His father had warned him early on, after Milah’s surprise visit, that she would one day be his downfall if he didn’t make sure to protect himself and his heart. Back then, he used to think that maybe, just maybe, his father actually cared about Killian as a person and not as a ball player, but after his show tonight, he realized that his father would probably never truly care about his well being. Yet, those words still haunted him. 

“Killian, you fell in love. You did nothing wrong,” she said, standing up and coming to his side and he couldn’t help but scoff at her words.

“Emma, I allowed myself to get into this mess. Ever since Milah arrived at your door step, I allowed her to rule everything I did,” he tried to explain. 

“No, you didn’t. Killian I understand, believe me, I understand way more than you think,” she said with a sadness in her voice. She had returned to the bed, looking downtrodden. 

“What do you mean?” he questioned.

“I met Neal so quickly after I moved to LA and we had a whirlwind romance at first. Things were good, but we began to drift apart early in our relationship. I could feel him slipping away. At the time, I thought I loved him. And like your father, my mother had very strong opinions of what my life should be like. Every time we talked, she asked if I was dating anyone. I never told her about Neal; she would have never approved, but she thought that my time in college should have been spent trying to find a husband. So, when I saw Neal slipping away and when I had to deal with my mother’s insistence that I try and think about settling down, I came up with a stupid idea. I thought that maybe if I was pregnant, maybe if we had a child, that I could keep Neal and satisfy my mom. I had a scare a few months later. I thought I was pregnant and so did Neal. Like I thought, he became devoted to me and seemed to care more about our relationship. Thankfully, it was just that, a scare. Because in the end, nothing could have saved Neal and I. Sure, we had good times, and yes, maybe I loved him once, but we weren’t good together. So I understand just what you feel about Milah,” she confessed. 

Killian moved to kneel at her feet. She was crying and he wanted nothing more in that moment than to comfort her the way she did him. Her story wrecked him. They had lived through so much drama and heartache since they last met and neither one of them deserved it. She deserved to have someone committed and devoted to her. She deserved to be loved, truly and fully. 

“Emma love, I am so sorry that happened,” he said, unsure of what to say. 

“There is more,” she whispered, finally looking up at him. 

He cocked his head in a silent plea for her to tell him. 

“Neal cheated on me. Two days ago,” she began, pausing to allow him to swear against the man. She really did understand what he was going through. She really did get him in a way that most people never would. She had gone through a tough love, one that she had once believed in, only to have it ripped from right out beneath her. 

“I found him in my bed with another model. In that moment, I wanted to kill him. I wanted to throw every piece of furniture I could find. I wanted to break everything within my reach. Unfortunately, much like you, I didn’t really do anything. I left in a wrath, but looking back, if I saw him again, I would certainly not hesitate to punch the bastard in his pretty face. So I understand exactly what you were thinking, what you were feeling. I understand you, Killian,” she said, looking him dead in the eyes. They bore into his soul. She really did get it. Just like their conversations years ago, they were connecting on a level no one else would ever be able to compete with. 

Without thinking, without any hesitation, he pounced. His lips crashed to hers in a rage. She had been hurt too much, and he wanted nothing more than to take that pain away. He wanted nothing more than to soothe her soul and rid her of the feelings that he knew all too well. 

Her lips on his were like medicine. They washed away the pain that Milah had left behind. He hoped that his lips were as healing as hers were. 

Thankfully, he received his answer quickly. She pulled him closer, her hands running down his back and anchoring him to her. Her moans were deepening and her eagerness was clearly seen. He needed her in a way he never needed anyone else before. It was a mixture of the truth he just learned and the feelings he once had for her. Whichever it was, he needed to be as close to her as she allowed. He needed to be with her. He wanted to do everything to prove to her just how much she was worth, to him and to the world. 

He moved with a force. He lifted her up and placed her down on the bed, hovering above her. His lips met hers again as she pulled him down on top of her, her back arching to meet him. Her legs were spread wide, accepting his weight between them. He couldn’t help the reaction his cock was having and when he felt her move against him, he thought he would never be able to last long enough to truly be with her. 

And just like on the plane, they made out like horny teenagers on a first date. His hands slid to cup her breasts hidden beneath her shirt. He felt her shiver when his hand connected with the lacy material of her bra. 

Screw waiting to find out where their relationship was going, screw going slow. He needed to feel her, needed to chase that high with her. 

Even though he needed to do all those things and even though his hand was firmly cemented on her chest and he was being driven wild by Emma’s gyrating hips beneath him, he knew that they had to stop. If they continued where this was going, if he continued to kiss her senseless, they would both regret it in the morning. Sure, Killian knew he would never regret anything with Emma, but he would regret how it happened. 

When Killian won her over, it wouldn’t be because of just the raw attraction between them and it wouldn’t be because of the sob story they both just told each other. It wouldn't be because they were both hurting. No, it would be because it was something they both wanted and needed. He was going to do this the right way, even if it killed him. 

“Emma, love, we should stop,” he said, pulling away from the siren beneath him. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips swollen. 

She didn’t look too disappointed, but there was a twinge of something sad underneath her eyes. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I love where this is going. But I’m drunk and we’ve just told each other some pretty deep shit. I think it would be best if we just slowed down a bit and saw where this was going,” he explained, moving his hand to her chin to lift it to meet his gaze. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” she sighed. 

He moved to allow her to sit up. Her shirt was all wrinkled thanks to their little romp, her hair tousled in a way that made him immediately regret stopping what had happened. These next few weeks were going to be torture if he had to see her every day looking like that. She moved quickly away from him, her shoulders sagging in rejection. He was sure her thoughts were swirling, he could see her processing everything that had just happened. 

“Don’t go,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed. He didn’t want her to leave, he wanted to hold her, to feel something. He didn’t want to be alone. He needed someone. He realized he had been alone for far too long. Earlier in the day, he spent some time thinking that being alone would be a good thing for him, but now that Emma was here, now that he felt what it was like to have him in his arms, he knew that being alone was the opposite of what he wanted or needed. 

“I don’t know Killian,” she murmured. She didn’t turn to look back at him as she moved towards their shared door. 

“Please, stay,” he begged, noting a desperation in his voice. 

He could see the outline of her body in the moonlight that streamed through his window. He saw her take a deep breath and turn back towards him. She stalked slowly towards the bed and caressed his cheek when she was close enough. Her touch set him on fire. 

“Fine, but nothing is happening,” she breathed.

“Aye, just as long as you stay,” he agreed, reaching up to touch her hand. 

“OK, just let me go change and I’ll be right back. No more rum,” she scolded him, as she walked back to her room. 

He tried to calm his mind as he waited for her to return. He changed into his sleep bottoms, never able to sleep with a shirt on and hoped Emma would be OK with it. He moved into the bed, pulling down the blankets to allow her to slide in next to him. He didn’t want to think too much about what had just happened, or what may have happened. He didn’t want to rile himself up again, but his mind couldn’t help but go there. He knew it was best to let things build between them, to allow their relationship, if that is what this was, to flourish naturally. It needed to develop the way it once had. Yet, in the back of his mind, he wished that he hadn’t been such a gentleman. 

His thoughts stopped as Emma came back into his room in a tank top and short shorts. She smiled at him from the doorway to the bathroom as she turned off the lights. He watched her saunter over to the bed and climb in. Without hesitation, she curled up next to him, placing her head right onto his chest, her hand snaking across his skin and onto his stomach. Instinct drew his arms around her, pulling her closer than before. He placed a kiss to the crown of her head. He knew without a doubt that he would be getting a good sleep that night.


	7. Chapter 7

Morning always came too early for Emma. Sometimes she was a morning person but it was rare. Most of the time, Emma prefered to sleep in, relaxing in bed while she listened to the birds chirping outside of her window. Since she quit working at the diner, she slept in till ten most days. It was nice. Today though, she knew that wouldn't be an option.

Stretching slightly, she tried to familiarize herself with where she was. The sun wasn’t streaming through the bedroom windows in its traditional way. It was with the movement from the other side of the bed that she remembered where she was. 

She had fallen asleep snuggled close to Killian Jones, someone she used to dream about. She’d had fantasies of lying next to him, feeling his heartbeat beneath his chest and last night that fantasy came true. It wasn’t in any way she thought it would happen. She definitely never fantasized about hearing about Killian’s past fiancé cheating on him or him losing a baby. She also never imagined telling him what happened with Neal all those years ago. Yet, she smiled to herself at the thought of him fully accepting her, no matter what happened in their pasts. 

Turning over, she took him in. The early morning sun wasn’t too bright yet, casting a soft glow across his sleeping face. He looked peaceful, the first time she had actually seen him truly untroubled since they found each other on the plane. There had always been something behind his eyes, always some hard pain he was trying to hide. However when he slept, it was like all his troubles melted away. 

If she was being truthful, she had never had a more restful night’s sleep herself. She was used to tossing and turning for a while before falling asleep. Some nights, it would take her hours before her brain would shut off in order for her to sleep. Until last night, she had never been able to fall asleep so quickly and feel so tranquil. 

Wrapped in Killian’s arms, her head resting against his chest, his heartbeat lulled her to sleep almost instantly. She didn’t dream; she felt rested, like how one can only feel after a deep sleep. She didn’t feel the weight of the drama of the previous day, she didn’t feel the dread of what the new day was going to bring. Instead, she just felt content. She wasn’t concerned about anything really; sleeping with Kilian the night before was just what she needed.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, thoughts stirred about what had transpired the night before. She was thankful they had stopped their tryst but she was also a little put out by it. The physical attraction between the two was hard to deny and she did want to know exactly how he would feel with her. She wanted to experience what they would be like molded together. She knew that eventually they would find out just how explosive their chemistry could be, but she was still a little put out that it couldn’t have been last night. 

She knew though, it would have changed things; it would have made them finding their way back to each other different. They had just confessed some of their deepest secrets to each other. If they had given into their primal thoughts, they both would have regretted it this morning. Emma knew that it was a good thing Killian broke apart their kiss, that he had stopped them from going any further. Now they could really move forward, they could really see just what was between them. Was their attraction really just physical, based on the emotional damage they shared, or did they have a connection that was special?

Emma couldn’t sit around any longer though, the clock on the bedside table was showing six thirty and her mother was a stickler for being on time. They were headed down to the family farm to meet her grandfather and step-grandmother. They would be seeing them tomorrow at Henry’s graduation and party afterwards, but her grandfather insisted on them driving down to spend a day “getting back to their roots” as he put it. Emma really didn’t understand it; she had never really spent much time at the farm. 

Ever since her grandfather had retired from running the actual company, he had moved back to the farm and pretty much refused to leave the solitude of the isolated area near the base of the mountains. Her father took over the day to day operations of the business side of the corporation, while her grandfather sat on his porch and plowed the fields. 

The family business was in cattle and it allowed them a quite luxurious life. When her mother was young, her father grew her grandfather's small business from being only based on the East Coast, to a much larger country wide corporation that continued to grow even today. When Mary Margaret married David, her mother’s father retired and had David take over the business. He then decided to move the headquarters to DC so that her father could go back to what he really enjoyed, getting his hands dirty. Emma knew her father missed working in the fields, missed the daily duties of working on a cattle farm, but she also knew her father took pride in running the business and providing a future for his family. 

Emma was a bit thankful that the women in the family weren’t expected to take over the business. Instead, that fell on Henry. Her brother was slated to take over the business when he finished college. She didn’t want to know what kind of pressure that was being put on her brother; yet at the same time she knew he could handle it. He had a flare for taking a situation and making it into something special. She knew her brother really loved to write, but also knew that he wanted to work for the family and help continue on their legacy. Emma hoped that he could find time to do both. 

Prying herself from the bed, she took one last look at Killian’s sleeping form. Through the night, they had worked themselves apart but now that she was standing, she could see that he didn’t really move too far from her. His body never really left her side and somehow she knew they stayed connected even while they slept. She hated to leave him this early, hated to get out of the bed but she had to get ready and hopefully she would be able to see him again before she left for the day. She knew they would need to talk about what happened, knew they would eventually have to figure out what the hell was going on between them. She just hoped that it was sooner rather than later. 

As she entered the bathroom, closing the door and turning on the shower, she couldn’t help the fear that crept into her mind. She was worried again, about what everything meant. She hated the unknown. She hated that she didn’t quite know where they stood with each other. She knew Killian didn’t regret anything they did and she knew deep down that he did care about her. Yet she couldn’t stop thinking about what exactly they were to each other and what everything meant. 

She tried her damndest to forget about those negative thoughts, blaming Neal for dredging up all the fears that she was having. She was also blaming Killian because of his past behavior. If both of them had just been truthful with her from the start, if Killian had just told her about Milah, if Neal had just told her he was unhappy, then she wouldn’t be so scared of relationships. She wouldn’t be seeing all the negativity in what should have been a happy reunion. 

The shower helped a bit, the hot water washing away all the horrible things she was worried about. She let the water soothe her. She was strong, always had been. So what if Neal had fucked her over? So what if Killian had hurt her in the past? She wasn’t the same person as before and neither were they. She was brave enough to walk away from Neal and out of his life. She was confident enough to admit to Killian she had feelings for him and allowed herself to act on the chemistry that was obviously still very present. She wasn’t going to let her fears stop her. She hadn’t done so before and she wasn’t going to start now. 

No matter what happened in her past, no matter how many times she ran from her problems, she wasn’t going to let them stop her from living. When Killian broke her heart all those years ago, she continued on and made something of herself and her life. She didn’t allow the pain to get in the way or the fear of additional heartbreak stop her from living her life. When Neal cheated she ran, but it was so she could move on, so she could regain her focus on life. 

Her past didn’t define her and neither did her fears. 

She waited in her room for as long as she could, hoping that Killian would come to her after he woke. She got ready in the meantime, keeping her mind and hands occupied. She heard the shower come on soon after she got out. She knew he had to report to training today and she knew he would need her in some way. She had been up almost an hour now and her mother wanted them to be on the road before eight.

A soft knock came, with only minutes to spare before she knew her mother would come looking for her. Killian was standing in the doorway of their shared bathroom, with nothing but a towel wrapped low around his waist. Emma’s thoughts drifted into a place she knew it shouldn’t go, not when there was nothing she could do about it. 

Even though she saw him shirtless last night, seeing him in the morning light was something completely different. The previous night, Emma silently cursed baseball for all of Killian’s troubles. Even if he was a good player, even if he loved the game, it caused him so much pain and she blamed it. If he didn’t have baseball in his life, maybe his emotions wouldn’t have been so conflicted. Now though, she could say that baseball did some good. He was built but in a slight way that accented every muscle he had. He was really good looking! His face wasn’t clean shaven, which she didn’t expect. She thought he would have shaved it off for the first day back. 

“Hey,” he said, breaking the silence.

“Morning,” her response was almost a whisper as she turned a bit to focus back on doing her hair. She had spent some of the time quickly blow drying part of her hair, just enough to give it perfect waves. 

“How did you sleep?” she heard the question asked. He was still in the doorway, almost like he was worried about talking to her. 

“Like a baby actually,” she smiled, turning to motion him in with her head.

He stood there for a while, not moving. She hadn’t seen him so unsure of himself before, except for some slight behaviors last night. Right then, he didn’t seem so confident.

“It’s OK Killian, you can come in,” she added, hoping to get him to lighten up.

“Swan, I wanted to apologize for last night,” he started, moving to sit down on her still made bed. His hair was still wet even though Emma heard the shower turn off at least fifteen minutes earlier. He must have been pacing around his room before coming to talk to her. 

“Killian,” she began, before she was cut off.

“No, please love. I allowed myself to let my past rule my life again. I allowed her to still get to me. I tried to be a gentleman to you, I didn’t want you to feel pressured at all,” he tried to explain. 

Emma actually chuckled a bit. He had stopped them before anything went too far, he had promised not to do anything she didn’t want to. He was never anything but a gentleman, yet there he was, worried about his actions. 

“You were a gentleman. Killian, I’ve said it before, I don’t regret anything we’ve done. I especially don’t regret last night. It actually felt good to get everything off my chest. No one really knows about Neal,” she offered.

“I never really told anyone the full story about Milah either,” he added quietly.

“I know what you went through Killian, you know I understand exactly how you are feeling. I just want to be there for you,” she said, moving from her vanity to his side. 

“Thanks love. I am sorry though,” he persisted.

“Thank you, but there really isn’t anything to apologize for. So, you ready for the day?” she asked. 

“Surprisingly, no. I am not really sure what to expect. I loved the game, yet after last night, after everything, I just don’t know if I am ready to get back out there. Does that make sense?” he pondered. 

“Yes,” she began, “You’re nervous, which is understandable, but you did love the game once, you just need to learn to love it again. You deserve the chance to start over, to start fresh. Use this time to rebuild Killian. Use these three weeks to not only build up your game, but to build up yourself too.”

He leaned over a placed a kiss on her lips, a chaste but sweet kiss. 

“Thank you,” he said, his lips hovering above hers. 

“I meant that for the both of us actually. We both should use these weeks to start over. We deserve it, don’t you think?” she wondered, with a smile on her face. 

Before anything else could be said, her mother’s voice came from downstairs, telling her that she had three minutes to get herself downstairs. 

Emma stood up and walked back over to her vanity to get her purse that thankfully had all the items in it she would need to survive the long day ahead of her. 

“Good luck at practice. Just let it all go, don’t think about anything, just let your instinct take over,” she told him, flashing him a smile as she moved towards the door. 

In an instant though, she was whipped around by a strong set of arms, pulling her close. His lips were on her once again. The towel across his hips left nothing to the imagination. The moan escaped her lips without warning. Her hands snaking around his body, pulling her closer to him. If the next three weeks were anything like this, she was glad to be home. 

“Have a good time,” he whispered to her as he pulled away, leaving her breathless against the door as he moved back into his room. 

She barely had any time to compose herself before she had to rush down to her waiting family. 

The drive down to Blanchard Farms was a long one, filled with her mother and father singing along to musicals in the front seat, while Henry and Emma groaned in the back. It was a rule that headphones were not allowed in the car, allowing them for “family time” as her mother once said. Thinking back, Emma laughed because it seemed car rides were the only time her mother ever really wanted to talk to or be around her children. 

Her father had a wonderful voice. Her mother could carry a tune, to a point, but probably shouldn’t make it her day job. 

Blanchard Farms was located in rural central Virginia, about two and a half hours from their home in Alexandria. It had at one time been a small ten acre farm that Emma’s great great grandfather owned. Over the years it had grown into what seemed like a small town. The farm itself was over a thousand acres. Their main business was cattle but there was also a small vineyard on the property. It was shared with the neighboring property, owned by Emma’s uncle, who himself had another thousand acres. There were also old ruins on the property that house a summer Shakespeare program and many summer events. Her father was the CEO of the company, with other family members running the day to day operations of the actual farm. Her grandfather’s house was located in a remote area of the farm, away from the daily activity where he had his own little garden that he took care of. 

Emma didn’t really spend time there as a kid, but did enjoy the farm. She enjoyed the flowers that grew on the fields and the cows that roamed freely. She loved her grandfather as well. 

Leonardo Blanchard, who only wanted anyone to call him Leo, was a kind soul. He reminded her a lot of her father. He really enjoyed the hard work that the farm allowed him. He hated the business side of the company, even though he did it for almost thirty years. Every weekend, without fail, Leo would return to the farm from the city, spending the whole weekend in the dirt doing what he really loved. Emma remembered her father doing something similar. When she was younger, they would travel down to the farm so her father could get an understanding of the state of the business, her mother would do some events with the local DAR or other organizations and Emma would play in the pond and explore the farm. 

They stopped coming down around the time Leo remarried. He was once married to her grandmother, Ava. She wasn’t a mean person and Emma did love her, but she was similar to her mother. Ava was involved in so much in the area. Emma could see where her mother got her determination and devotion to charities. Ava was well known, especially within the church and Mary Margaret was following in those footsteps well. 

However, a few years after Henry was born, Ava died suddenly. Within months, her grandfather remarried to a much younger woman who Emma could remember seeing around the farm a lot. Regina and her mother, Cora, knew Ava through the charities they both worked on. Cora was a bitch of a woman. She was an old school debutante; she came from money that was running dry and on her fourth husband. She believed money was power and she craved power. Turns out, Emma’s family wasn’t that different from other families. As Mary Margaret followed in Ava’s footsteps, Regina followed in her mother’s. Emma couldn’t fully blame Regina for her behavior as she got to know her; it was easy for anyone to see the influence Cora had over her daughter. 

Still, Regina tried too hard, did too many sketchy things and tried to force herself into the family business a little too much for Mary Margaret’s taste. Emma never saw her as a member of the family, just someone who was invading, like a weed. 

Emma can still remember how she got her nickname, the Evil Queen. Emma was telling Ruby about the first time Emma and her family met Regina. Her grandfather had married her without anyone knowing, so one weekend when they showed up for one of their getaway weekends, everyone was shocked to meet their new grandmother, as Regina called herself. Later that night, Regina cooked everyone a special meal, including a crisp apple pie as the crowning dessert. Either she didn’t know about her mother’s deathly allergy or she didn’t care. Ruby interrupted the story, coming up with this long conspiracy theory that Regina and her mother were after Leo’s money and that, just like in Snow White, Regina was jealous of Mary Margaret so she tried to poison her. It wasn’t that far of a stretch for Emma to think parts of the story could be true. Her step-grandmother and mother were very close in age and everyone always commented on how beautiful Mary Margaret was. 

The nickname stuck. 

Since that first night, Regina continued doing more and more annoying things that just added to Emma’s extreme dislike of the woman. It didn’t help that as Emma got older, she heard her mother speaking to a family friend about Regina’s alleged affair with Leo before Ava died, which was supposedly at Cora’s suggestion. Emma stopped coming down to the farm about a year before graduation, simply because she couldn’t stand being around Regina. 

Still, her grandfather loved Emma, even if she hadn’t seen him in years. He kept up with Emma in LA. Every month, there was a wired check to her bank account of about two thousand dollars from him. It helped her at times, but mostly she put it away in a savings account. She didn’t like to use the money, as she didn’t want to give her mother any reason to think her following her dreams of modeling meant she couldn’t support herself. Her mother already had a strong enough opinion on the topic. For the longest time, Emma thought they were just sending her money because her mother didn’t believe in her. One day though, Emma got a call from her grandfather, explaining that he was sending her the money so she didn’t have to worry and could focus on modeling in her free time during college. He was always supportive of her. 

She knew Regina didn’t appreciate her inheritance slowly leaking away to Emma and Henry so knowing this only furthered Emma into accepting the money.

“Welcome back darling,” her grandfather called to her as they exited the car and walked up towards the house. 

“Thanks pop,” she replied, folding herself into her grandfather’s hug. He still smelled the same all these years later. 

“It’s lovely to see you all,” Regina sneered from behind them. Not a single one of the Nolan clan acknowledged her presence at first. Regina’s resting bitch face was on full display.

Emma just smiled instead of actually replying to Regina. Henry was the only one to actually turn and say hello. For some reason, Regina always had a liking for Henry, so having him gravitate towards her and placate her mood was perfect. 

Thankfully, Emma’s phone rang in her purse, giving her a reprieve from the tense situation. 

“Hey Red!” she called into her phone 

“My God Emma! I’ve been trying to reach you for hours!” her friend exclaimed on the other end of the phone. 

“Sorry Ruby, we were headed down to the farm this morning. I think grandpa Leo wanted more individual time with us before tomorrow,” she explained.

“So that means the Evil Queen is there. How is she?” The sarcasm in Ruby’s voice wasn’t hard to miss. 

“Evil as always. I don’t know why, but she has always liked Henry. When he is around, she isn’t as bad. Let’s hope her attitude softens as the day goes on,” Emma retorted. 

“How is everything else though? How is your mother? How was the flight?” Ruby’s questions were coming at her in rapid fire. 

Emma turned to glance back at the house. Regina and her mother had moved inside and Henry was walking down towards the pasture where his horse was. Her father and grandfather were starting to disappear around the house, probably in search of the foreman who lived outback in the house built for him and his family a few years ago. Emma was friends with the foreman’s son, August, and he had even asked her out a few times, but Emma had always said no. 

“Pretty good actually. You know, I thought coming home would be this horrible thing and I would hate it, but turns out it’s actually been rejuvenating. Mom and I had a bit of a heart to heart and I think I understand her better. Things are still a bit rocky between us, people can’t change overnight, but I can see her trying to understand me better. She seems to want to support me and my dreams, so we will see. The flight was…. Good,” she finished, hoping to come up with a word that described the flight but didn’t give much away to Ruby. She loved her friend, but she did tend to meddle and overreact to things. 

“Good….” Ruby started, Emma knowing it was leading to a question. 

“Yes, it was fine. Pretty empty actually,” trying to deter her friend from her hidden message. She still wasn’t sure what was happening between her and Killian, so she didn’t really want her friend knowing what happened. 

“Emma, I’ve known you for over five years. Something happened on the flight, something you aren’t telling me. Spill!” Ruby prodded. 

“Remember how I told you about Killian?” Emma began. She had talked to Ruby one drunken night soon after they first met. She told him how Killian had broken her heart and how even though she was heartbroken and sometimes hated him, she did wish him the best. She was more upset that she thought she wasn’t good enough for him. 

“Yeah, what about him?” Ruby asked. Emma loved that even when Emma was telling her all about Killian, Ruby never called him a bastard. She never seemed angry with him, but only seemed to support Emma’s emotions and told her she understood. Ruby got that Emma could never really hate Killian, that even if Emma was pissed, she couldn’t deep down hate him. She was just hurt. Ruby told her it was all justified. The only other people Emma had ever talked to about Killian only ever had bad things to say about him. That always frustrated her as it wasn’t what she wanted. 

“Well, he was on the flight, the only other person in first class actually,” she began, then recanted the tale. 

Emma never hid anything from Ruby, even though she wanted to. However, once the tale started to spill out, she couldn’t stop. She felt better as she told the story, from the second she sat down on the flight to the kiss he gave her this morning. 

Ruby must have been listening intently because she never said a word the whole time Emma spoke. 

“I don’t know Ruby, my thoughts are everywhere. I know there is still attraction there, it’s undeniable. But what about everything that has happened? I came out here to clear my head and it's more foggy than ever,” she finished.

“Emma, I’m gonna tell you something that you already know. Forget everything that happened in the past. You left LA to get away from Neal, not to clear your head. You left so you wouldn’t be tested by him. You’ve gone back to him before, all because he was relentless. You left LA because of Neal, that’s the only reason. So screw Neal, screw the past. You have this attraction to Killian, so what? Act on it if you want, or don’t. But don’t let your past screw with you. Don’t let your history with him screw with it either. You said you want to clear your mind, so do that. Don’t worry so much and enjoy the next three weeks.” Ruby always provided sound advice. 

She was right. Emma kept saying she was out here to clear her head after Neal, but she really was just out here to stay away from temptation. She was just using Henry’s graduation as an excuse to get away from it all. 

Ruby told her to screw the past, and that was exactly what she was going to do.

“Thanks Ruby! How is it you always know exactly what to say?” Emma responded. 

“I know you, that’s how. You are always over thinking everything, even when you don’t know it. But I’m serious. Enjoy the next three weeks. Forget your past and just live,” Ruby responded.

“I’ll try. I’ll check in with you in a few days. Love you Rubes,” Emma said, knowing that it was getting close to lunch.

“Love you too Emma. Have a good time,” Ruby said, ending the call. 

“Emma! It’s time for lunch, come inside!” she heard Regina yell from the front porch. Perfect timing Emma thought to herself. If she could take a gamble, she would say that Regina had sat her mother and her directly in sight of Emma, so Regina could keep an eye on her. Regina always had to have control and there was no way she would allow Emma any more moments alone. 

Lunch was a long, drawn out affair. Regina commanded the attention for most of the meal, retelling stories of her childhood whenever Emma’s grandfather asked Emma or Henry a question. It didn’t matter that the questions were for his granddaughter and grandson, Regina had a story to tell. 

When Leo asked Emma if she had gotten the chance to hit up Disneyland, before Emma had a chance to tell him she went every year with her friends, like a tradition, Regina piped in with a story of her own. She recounted how every year her friends would always drive down to the local amusement park. Emma rolled her eyes, which thankfully Regina didn’t see. 

This was how meals in the Blanchard household always went. 

“So Emma, did you meet anyone special out in LA?” Regina questioned. 

It took Emma by surprise actually, that Regina would be willing to ask her anything. However, while looking at Regina’s gaze, Emma understood that the woman really didn’t care. Either Regina knew something about Emma’s past and wanted to embarrass her, or she wanted another way to keep the focus and attention on her. If Emma said yes, she would be required to tell a story, probably ending with Regina recanting a tale of what she would have done. Or, if Emma said no, Regina would still go into a tale of her past love life, again shifting focus back to her. 

“I thought I had, but turns out it wasn’t right,” Emma answered, praying that Regina’s response would be a short one. 

However, something answered her silent prayer, and Regina’s voice wasn’t what she heard answering her. 

“You know, that reminds me a bit of your father and I actually,” her mother provided. 

Emma had heard stories when she was younger about her father and mother’s destined True Love, but she had forgotten some of the story over the years. 

“What do you mean?” Henry pondered. 

“Well, when I was a bit younger than Emma, I thought I had found the love of my life, and it wasn’t your dad,” her mother began. “I thought I was destined to be with this one boy. However, for whatever reason, it just didn’t work out. At first I was heartbroken. Do you remember daddy?”

“Of course I do darling,” her grandfather answered his daughter, “you cried for days. No matter what your mother and I told you, it didn’t matter. But in the end, I was right.”

Her grandfather laughed at his response. It was just like him.

“You told me that if it was meant to be, it would be, and if not, that just meant something more special would come along. A week later, they hired David to start helping out with some of the cattle,” her mother turned, beaming at her husband.

“I remember that day like it was yesterday. I came into work and there she was, sitting down by the pond, butterflies flying around her and two deer walking close by. It was very early in the morning and I thought I was dreaming,” her father added, smiling.

Emma used to hate hearing this story, time after time, but today it helped some how. She had been worried about all the mistakes in the past that she had made, worried about the mistakes Killian had made. But in the end, none of that really mattered. What mattered was the here and now.

“Love comes along when you don’t expect it, sometimes when you don’t even want it or need it. I wasn’t too keen on your father at first. I had told myself if I couldn’t have my old beau, then I didn’t want love at all. Still, he persisted, he stuck around and here we are.” The love in her mother’s voice was actually just what Emma needed.

Why was it that her mother was somehow always right? Emma shouldn’t be looking for love, shouldn’t even want it, yet Killian had appeared. Maybe it wasn’t love between them, but she wasn’t about to deny everything she was feeling for him simply because of the past, what people would say, or what may happen. It may end up in a shit storm, but it could also be something special that could help her get back to her true self.

Emma thought back to a time when they were younger, when her heart got truly broken. Thinking about it now, she knew what she felt with Neal and what her emotions were going through was nothing compared to what she felt when Killian walked out of her life. She was hurt back then, but maybe it wasn’t right then. Maybe, like her mother, she wasn’t quite ready for real love.

This time, things could be different. They were both unattached, they were both adults who had experienced the world. They were both mature and responsible. Maybe this time, she was ready.

It was in that moment, with Emma seated at her grandfather’s dinner table, that she decided the moment they got home that night she was going to ask Killian Jones out on a date. She wasn’t going to let fear dictate her life. She wasn’t going to question anything. She was just going to let things happen as they were destined to be. She was going to let fate take over.


	8. Chapter 8

He used to never dream, not really. At least not in the past year. When he was with Milah, he had dreams, wonderful, amazing dreams that always made him feel like his life was going somewhere, that it was worth something. However, after Milah, he stopped dreaming. He wasn’t sure if it was his mind’s way of making sure he couldn’t be hurt anymore, or if he just willed away the dreams of his former lover. All he knew was that for the past year, dreams were a rare occurrence. 

Sleeping with Emma in his arms changed that. He had an amazing dream that night. He couldn’t remember most of it but he knew Emma was involved. He woke rested and feeling a way he hadn’t felt for years. Even when he dreamed in the past, he never felt this way waking up before. While he knew it was because of the dream he didn’t want to wake from, he also knew the blonde beauty who fell asleep next to him was also to blame. 

He woke before her, for a little while at least. He didn’t need to report to the training center until nine, so sleeping in seemed like a wonderful idea, especially with Emma’s body pressed up against his. The sun wasn’t even up when he woke that first time, but the early morning light was already making its presence known. 

She was peaceful in her sleep. Her lips slightly pursed, soft sounds escaping her lips. It wasn’t a snore, but a soft, lulling sound that was absolutely perfect. Her hair fanned away from her, allowing him a wonderful view of her face. The freckles that kissed her skin were just dark enough to see in the small amount of light coming through the window. He didn’t dare move, unwilling to wake her. He knew she would be waking soon as she was going down to the farm and he wanted to give her as much time to relax as possible. 

Last night when they went to bed, he had been feeling pretty shitty about himself. On one hand, he hated that he allowed Emma to see his vulnerable side. He was so pissed that he allowed himself to spill all of his secrets to her. She didn’t need to hear about his troubled past. Yet he couldn’t help but be happy she came to him and tried to make things better. She was nothing short of compassionate. He hated to compare Emma to Milah, but in that moment he couldn’t help it. Milah would have never talked to him the way Emma did. She would have never held his hand with determination, never told him his feelings mattered. 

Killian could tell his feelings towards Emma Swan were changing. There was always an attraction between them, he couldn’t deny that. But after last night, he was starting to feel things again he never thought he would be able to. She was his anchor last night. When everything went wrong, she was there, constant and calming. She supported him in a way that altered his very being. The attraction was still there, ever present in the looks they gave each other, but there was more to it now. 

It was similar to what he felt for her all those years ago, but stronger and deeper. He knew people talked about puppy love and he had always hated the term, but he understood what they meant now. The feelings he once had for her weren’t necessarily fleeting, but were always meant to change and evolve. What he was feeling now was more, so much more. He didn’t want to give those feelings a name, because he knew it was way too soon to really be feeling those feelings for Emma. Yet Killian knew, eventually he would have to tell her those words. Those words that would describe exactly what he was feeling for her. 

Sighing a bit, he turned his head and closed his eyes. They would need to discuss everything soon, especially his behavior last night. While he was feeling good about waking up next to her, he had always prided himself on being a gentleman. He knew a gentleman would have never requested a lady to share his bed with him, especially while he was drunk and there was such intense chemistry between them. He knew it probably wasn’t a good idea, even when he asked, but he was so glad he did. 

Sure, it probably fucked things up; they would have to work through their feelings and decide what to do, especially since they would be spending the next three weeks in such close quarters. It made things better too. He knew he could rely on her during this time. He could actually talk to her, in a way he had never been able to talk to anyone before. He had loved Milah, but he knew better than to talk to her about baseball and how he was feeling. It wasn’t that she didn’t care, but that she wasn’t really invested in it. She saw it as a way to make money, not really as something Killian had once loved. 

Emma was different. She understood him. She truly got him. Thinking back, she had always understood him. Even when they first met, when he moved to the neighborhood, Emma was always calling him on his shit. She really knew him. She related to him in a way no one else really had. During those months where they talked for hours at a time, she never got bored with their conversation and he never felt like he was pressuring her to talk. Instead, their conversations always flowed naturally, with both parties invested fully in the relationship. 

As he started to fall back asleep, with Emma shifting slightly away from him, he couldn’t help but think that maybe all of those dreams he once had about his life with Milah could still come true. Only this time, they would come true with Emma by his side. Someone who never made him feel more alive, who supported him no matter what and who truly understood him. 

A while later, maybe an hour if he was guessing, he could hear the shower running. The bed was empty and a bit cold. Emma had been up for a while, leaving the comfort of the bed in order to get ready for her day. 

His mind began stirring, trying to talk him into joining her in the shower. He could just imagine exactly how she looked, water streaming through her golden locks, the scent of her shampoo filling the air. His cock twitched under the covers and he silently cursed himself for even letting his mind wander that far. He wasn’t going to take advantage of the situation they were in and he certainly wasn’t going to rush whatever was happening between them. 

He definitely wanted to know exactly what she felt like, wanted to know if their chemistry would grow hotter as each layer of clothes was tossed aside in the heat of the moment, but he also knew that he needed to take his time with her. He refused to let a good thing slide through his hands. He had hurt her once before and he wasn’t about do so again. She deserved more than just a quick fuck over a vacation. She deserved devotion. They were going to discuss their feelings and what it all meant before he would allow things to go any further, even if his body was hating his decision. 

He did hope that she would come back into his room after her shower, but it was wishful thinking. There was nothing of hers in his room so there was no need for her to reappear. 

The shower switched off and he heard Emma rustling inside of the bathroom. 

Once the movements had stopped and he heard the door to her bedroom close, he thought it was safe enough to venture in and take his own shower - a very cold shower. He didn’t want to scare her by just waltzing in. He also didn’t want to give himself any leeway in seeing her, knowing he may not be able to control his thirst if he saw her wrapped in a towel, droplets of water sticking to her perfectly tanned skin. 

“Bloody Hell,” he cursed to himself as he moved into the bathroom. He couldn’t help but think of her like that, even though she was so much more than just a perfectly built body. It didn’t help his imagination that he could smell her on him. When he entered the bathroom and smelled her body wash and shampoo, he knew a cold shower wasn’t enough to get him through the day. 

Turning on the water, he climbed in, relaxing into the warm water. Screw the cold, he wanted to imagine what it would be like to be with her. 

He would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of her during those college years. She was gorgeous even then. After they had been talking for a while, when he realized he had feelings for her, he did imagine what it would have been like to make love to her. To have her writhe beneath him as his hands slid across her skin. 

Letting the water pour over him, he took himself in his hand and began to pump, dreaming up the same scenario he once had. 

He had laid Emma down on the bed, her hair fanning out around her. She was angelic to look at, but he couldn’t wait to see her squirm in delight as his fingers worked her towards her own release. It was as if he could actually feel the goosebumps on her skin as his hands traveled from the swells of her breasts, down across her stomach and finally to her waiting nub. It was like he could hear her small cries, begging him for more. He was sure that the actual sight of Emma in ecstasy would be so much better than what he was picturing. 

His imagination brought her to her peak, his fingers playing her like she was an instrument that was made just for him. Her cries of pleasure were almost too real, and without thinking, he let out a large moan, his own release close by. In the moment, he didn’t care if he heard her. 

He began to imagine himself moving down her body, his lips pressing light kisses across her skin, biting softly on her nipples as he passed over them. He conjured up the image of himself lapping at her center. The taste of her was extravagant, but like her face as she fell, he was sure the actual thing would be so much better. His tongue danced across her sensitive clit, his fingers coming down her body to play at her entrance. As the imagination of Emma begged him for more, the illusion of him inserting two fingers into her wanting core happened, his hand moved quickly down his shaft, pumping hard. 

It was barely ten seconds later that he came in his own hand, ending his dream of Emma lying on his bed with his tongue on her, seconds away from another climax. Sighing, he leaned against the shower’s wall, willing himself to calm down. 

He hadn’t done anything like that in years. It was exhilarating, thinking of her like that. 

He decided to wash his hair with her shampoo, needing something of her to be with him throughout the day. As he finished up, with only thoughts of her running through his head, he hoped that she was thinking of him too.

He wasn’t sure why he decided to walk to her room with just his towel on. He had finished his shower and promptly went to change into his practice clothes. Instead, he spent a few minutes pacing the room still in his towel. 

Before he knew it, he was knocking softly on Emma’s door from their bathroom. He pushed the door open to watch her sit at her vanity, preparing for the day. 

She was a vision. Her hair was slightly curled and pulled back. A barrette held the front of her hair back, while leaving some strays to frame her face. She wore minimal makeup, yet her cheeks were flushed and her eyes greener than he had ever seen. She smiled a bit when she noticed him. 

“Hey,” he finally broke the silence. 

“Morning,” she breathed, turning back towards the mirror to finish her hair. 

He didn’t think she needed to do anything else, she was perfect just the way she was. 

He didn’t move, mostly because of how struck he was at her. She was wearing a beautiful sundress, perfect for the day. The color of the green dress brought out the freckles that laced her shoulders and brightened her blonde hair. He always thought it was the best color on her, even if she preferred red. He was surprised he remembered what her favorite color was. 

He also stood back because he didn’t want to presume anything. Sure, they laid together last night, but who knows what she was thinking now. After the plane, she had become a bit distant and he didn’t want to hear that she regretted staying the night with him. 

“How did you sleep?” he asked, hoping to move things along. She would be leaving soon and there was so much he wanted to say to her. 

“Like a baby actually.” The smile that crossed her lips as she confessed was everything he needed to see and hear. She sounded so happy with last night. 

Her head motioned for him to enter into her room. He was still a bit wet from the shower.

“It’s OK Killian, you can come in,” she almost laughed. 

He knew he needed to apologize for last night. Even if they both were OK with the ending, he knew she deserved more.

“Swan, I wanted to apologize for last night,” he began, moving to sit on her bed. It was the same comforter that she had always had. He remembered it from the pictures she would send him and from the few times he had actually seen her room when he was younger. For something so old, it was still so soft and warm. 

“Killian,” he heard her start, but he stopped her. 

“No, please love. I allowed myself to let my past rule my life again. I allowed her to still get to me. I tried to be a gentleman to you, I didn’t want you to feel pressured at all.” His explanation of the previous night’s escapades was not coming out the way he wanted them too. He didn’t ask her to stay because of Milah; he wanted her to stay because she was a pillar of hope and support. 

He heard her stifle a laugh and he wasn’t quite sure why. 

“You were,” she began, “a gentleman I mean. Killian, I’ve said it before, I don’t regret anything that we’ve done. I especially don’t regret last night. It actually felt good to get everything off my chest. No one really knew about Neal.”

“I never really told anyone the full story about Milah either,” he agreed.

“I know what you went through Killian, you know I understand exactly how you are feeling. I just want to be there for you,” she finished. 

She got up from her spot and moved to sit with him. Her perfume filled the air around him. He was intoxicated with her. The mixture of the matching body wash, shampoo and perfume was almost enough to do him in again. 

He was pleased she wanted to be there for him, but he was still sorry for how everything went down. The story of Milah was something he wanted to tell her when the time was right, not because his father was an ass who always seemed to screw up good situations. 

“Thanks love. I am sorry though,” he continued, trying to make sure she understood that normally he wasn’t like that. 

“Thank you, but there really isn’t anything to apologize for. So, you ready for the day?” Her question threw him. 

This was the longest he had been away from the game since he was a boy. You would think 4 days would be a short time, but it had felt like an eternity. He wasn’t sure what the next few weeks would bring him. If he was being truthful, he was nervous. What if he didn’t love the game anymore? What if he wasn’t all he thought he could be? What if he would never be able to get that love and passion back? 

He wasn’t really sure what to say to her, but something inside of him said that no matter what came out of his mouth, she would get it. 

“Surprisingly, no. I am not really sure what to expect. I loved the game, yet after last night, after everything, I just don’t know if I am ready to get back out there. Does that make sense?” he told her. 

His emotions were all over the map, especially since Emma was back in the picture. It confused him even more. What he was feeling towards baseball was what he used to feel towards Emma, or at least it was similar. He used to be so involved with her, used to believe he was falling in love with her. He spent so much of his time talking with her, thinking about her. Then, for years, he forgot all about her, forgot her smile, her hair, the way she talked to him and seemed to calm him. 

When he saw her on the plane, it was like everything came flooding back. That is what he was feeling towards the game. He used to love it, used to spend every minute of every day surrounded by it. For the past few days, he had tried everything to forget it, never wanting to relive some of the moments that happened because of baseball. He wondered if he could learn to love it again, learn to have it back in his life in a wonderful way. He wanted it to be like the way Emma seemed to come back into his life and make everything better. 

“Yes,” she smiled as she looked at him. Nothing in her eyes told him that she was lying. In fact, her stare told him that she really did get it, that without saying anything, she understood. 

“You’re nervous, which is understandable, but you did love the game once, you just need to learn to love it again. You deserve the chance to start over, to start fresh. Use this time to rebuild Killian. Use these three weeks to not only build up your game, but to build up yourself too.” 

Killian wondered if there was something else that Emma was trying to tell him. It seemed like she was trying to tell him there was a chance for them as well. That if they took their time, built up their relationship, maybe, just like with the game, he could learn to love again. 

Without thinking, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her lips. He could taste the toothpaste she had used that morning. The mint swirled in his mind. He kept it short and sweet, putting thanks and appreciation into the kiss. 

“Thank you,” he whispered as he pulled back, staying close to her. He didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to move away from her. She gave him the strength he needed. 

“I meant that for the both of us actually. We both should use these weeks to start over. We deserve it, don’t you think?” She asked it out loud but he knew her question was rhetorical. 

They did both deserve it. They had been through so much shit in their short lives. They both deserved to have true love in their lives or at the very least, true happiness. These three weeks would determine whether they could really get it or not. 

He heard Emma’s mom yell out from beneath them. They were going to be leaving soon. Killian cursed inwardly, wishing he had some more time with her. He wished he could stay in her arms all day, or that she could join him at practice, sitting on the sideline silently supporting him. 

Emma stood up, leaving the air beside him empty. He stared at her as she walked to her vanity to get her purse. 

“Good luck at practice. Just let it all go, don’t think about anything, let your instinct take over,” her tone was hopeful, as was her smile. 

Before she had the chance to fully leave him, he moved quickly to intercept her. 

His arms wrapped around her and pulled her back. She twirled around to face him as his arms pulled her. He closed the distance between their bodies in a split second. His chest fusing with hers, he poured every emotion he was feeling into that searing kiss. 

He heard a sweet moan, one that was similar to the moan he had imagined during his shower, escape her throat when his cock pressed up against her through the towel. She moved closer to him as the kiss lingered. Her body molded perfectly with his. Nothing ever felt so right, but that kiss changed everything they had previously done. 

“Have a good time,” he told her as he pulled away, realizing their time was up. 

Besides, there were three weeks left for him to earn her trust and her heart. Three more weeks of kissing her. 

The drive to the practice field wasn’t a long one, but Killian wished it was. He had always enjoyed driving along the back roads of Virginia. Well, not so much back roads, but as rural as you could get outside a large city. It was one of the things he always missed in Los Angeles. He missed the trees as they surrounded the road, missed the confined space they created. It was different when traffic made him claustrophobic. The trees never felt entrapping; they felt like home. 

The trees along the route seemed to calm him. He was nervous a bit, but he wasn’t overwhelmed with the fear anymore. It also helped that he couldn’t get their last kiss out of his mind. It was such a wonderful way to begin the day. He hoped that it wouldn’t be the last time he would begin the day with kissing Emma. Next time though, he would make sure the kiss was in bed and not as she was leaving. 

The park was small compared to the areas he was used to practicing in. It reminded him of his days in college. While the majors provided him with all the necessities and then some, it was always bustling, always had something going on. He would miss the quiet that he used to know when he practiced on his college field. Sure, his university was very well known in the baseball world, but the practice area was always private. He always felt safe there. It was there he knew he could truly develop his skill. He never really felt any pressure there. He hoped it would be the same thing here. 

The coach of the local team met him at the gate and walked him to the locker room. There wasn’t much conversation that passed between them, the coach simply told him his name was Leroy and that he wasn’t going to put up with any funny business. Killian actually didn’t mind the grumble from the man, he was happy to see that he was all business and no play. Killian needed to focus while he was here and having a coach who was no nonsense was just what he needed. 

Turns out, the other players didn’t feel the same way as Killian did. When he left the locker room and joined in on the stretching, he listened in. A few of the players tried to include him in their conversations, especially a young boy named Felix. The kid didn’t look old enough to even be in college, let alone be in the minors. It was during the introduction of the boy that Killian learned the team called Leroy “Grumpy” due to his behavior. He was always trying to limit the fun the group had. Killian didn’t have the heart to tell the boys that their coach was only trying to prepare them for the future. If they were focused on the fun aspects instead of being professional, they would never succeed. 

Practice went smoothly; they started off with drills. Even though he had only been gone from the game for four days, Killian was rusty. He would have to work pretty hard the next few weeks to get back to his best. He was already sure that by the end of the six hour practice he would be sore and in need of a long hot bath, or a short iced one. 

Most practices spent an hour or two on drills at the beginning, then they would split up into small groups to work with the assistant coaches for another two hours. It was during this time that he would get some time on the field practicing his fielding and throwing. Killian was well known for his arm in the majors, right behind his at bat record. During those two hours, he would also get the chance to get a bat back in his hands. It was the thing he wasn’t really looking forward to. The last time he held a bat, he ended up with a ball to the face and his fist in Gold’s. 

When he finally got the bat, it was like everything was being righted in the world. Things made sense when he was at bat. All the ideas and images of Milah with Gold disappeared when he was waiting for the ball to come towards him. This time though, while he was standing at the plate waiting for the pitcher to make his move, his thoughts went to Emma. It was clear to him what he wanted from her, what he needed. He never felt more at peace, even compared to the feeling he gets when standing here. Emma was his new lifeline. 

After a few hits, he started to notice a crowd had formed around him. The other guys were staring at him, awestruck. He hadn’t hit anything huge, no home runs, but he always reached the outfield, always enough to drive in a few players. 

“Holy shit, he is really good,” he heard one boy say.

“Dude, did you see his swing?” another boy whispered rather loudly. 

Killian than realized something he hadn’t thought of before. Maybe these kids could use him in the same way he could use them. It reminded him of the moment when he first met his mentor in high school. He was watching his new coach practice with some of the guys. He couldn’t believe how good his coach was, how much skill and passion he had for the game. He really admired his old coach; he had to stop playing the game a few years before due to an injury, yet he still loved the game. Maybe one day, Killian would have the same love, even if the game was no longer the same for him. 

After batting for a few more minutes, they switched up the practice one last time. They would end the day with a scrimmage, to help them practice their fielding in real play. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel like it was practice. He was actually enjoying the game. Yes, the guys made mistakes that most players shouldn’t be making in the minors, but he worked with them, helping them out as the game continued. When Felix fumbled the ball, causing the other team to score two runs, instead of getting mad, which was what his father would have done, Killian went over and talked with him and helped him with better techniques. 

A few months ago, his anger would have gotten the best of him. He had done it before. When a teammate of his made a mistake, he normally got pissed at the situation, blaming them for the loss of a run or any other issue that may have arose. It was one of the reasons Graham had decided to send him away. His meeting about Gold wasn’t the first time Killian was told to watch his temper. He knew exactly where his temper came from, where he learned it. 

His father had always been the type to yell and scream at him when he did something wrong. He was always very vocal about his disappointment. His old coach was never that way. He worked with Killian to change his batting stance, making him one of the best batters in the majors. 

Killian decided that he would be more like his old coach and less like his father if it was the last thing he did. He would use these three weeks at practice to make sure that he started to enjoy the game again and let go of his anger. 

He thought it would take him some time to be able to do this, probably more than the three weeks Graham allotted, but it surprised him how quickly his anger weaned when dealing with these young guys. A few more times, problems arose and each time, Killian was able to control the anger that would sometimes bubble up, in order to help them out. 

It was extremely evident at at the end of the practice. Normally, Killian had a very specific tradition that he followed. He would always end by doing a quick lap around the field, then returning to the locker room for a shower. As he went through the majors, he would also add in a massage that was provided by the team. He was actually looking forward to just the shower then heading straight back to the Nolan’s, not wanting to wait any longer to tell Emma how extraordinary his day was. 

“Excuse me, Mr. Jones?” he heard a voice call to his as he neared the dugout. 

“Yes?” he questioned, turning around to come face to face with the lad. He didn’t look to be any older than Felix. 

“Sir? I was wondering if you would help me with something?” His voice was nervous, probably already preparing himself for a no that he was sure Killian was going to give him.

“It’s just Killian, and what can I help you with?” he responded, trying to lighten the mood a bit. 

“Well, I’ve been practicing my pitches, but I just can’t seem to get down this fastball. I was hoping that I could practice it on you and you give me some pointers?” 

While Killian wanted to get back home, he couldn’t pass up this opportunity. When he was the boy’s age, he would have given his left hand to practice with some of the major league players. He would have been thrilled. It was the least he could do to help the boy. Besides, he said he would start to appreciate the game the way his old coach did, and what better way to gain some appreciation than by helping another? 

“Of course, what’s your name?” Killian asked. 

“I’m Charles,” he said, extending a hand.

“Nice to meet you Charles. Let's see what you got,” he replied, letting go of the boy’s hand and walking up to the plate, ready to teach the boy a lesson. 

About four hours later, he finally left the ballpark. He spent three hours helping Charlie on his game. He helped the boy to realize just what major league batters were thinking while at bat, helping him throw better. He learned the young man was only 19, recruited into the minors his first year in college. He hated college, so when the call came, he quit and reported the next day, thankful to be out. 

The kid was good. Killian could see him one day being in the majors, especially in a few years after he spent a good amount of time building up his skill. 

There were some things Killian learned about himself too. He saw that there was no real need for his temper. He could see just how his temper could have actually hindered his team mates in the past, especially after Charlie accidently hit him with a ball on a bad pitch.

It had only been a couple of days and Killian would be lying if he said he wasn’t afraid of being hit again. He knew players whose careers were ended because of a hit. When he was batting earlier, he wasn’t too nervous, mostly because it was just practice in a cage. Yet as Charlie took aim, a small fear came over him. He knew the second the boy released the ball that it wasn’t going to go near his bat. He knew if he stood absolutely still, he would get hit straight in the side. 

It was now or never. He could get over this slight fear, or he could cower away. He had time to move. However, he wasn’t going to let fear drive him anymore. Somewhere in his unconscious, he knew he wasn’t just scared of the ball, but what life had in store for him, especially with Emma. So as the ball made impact with his side, he relaxed and let the pain come. 

In the past, he would have yelled at Charlie. Hell, he was sure Charlie almost shat himself when the ball hit him. He knew that the last time Killian took a hit, he ran at the mound and pummelled Gold senseless. But today, Killian just bent over and waited for the pain to pass because in the end, it would. He would have a bruise, but nothing was broken, and he would live. In the end, he would always live. 

He began to think about how this related to literally everything he was dealing with. He was worried he wouldn’t be good enough to get back into the game. In that instant though, he really didn’t care. He would find something else to do and life would still go on. He had been scared that morning of what everything with Emma could mean, how they would make everything work and where they would go from there. Getting hit made him realize that no matter what, Emma was worth the pain he would eventually take if she left him. Yes, the pain would suck, it would be terrible, but it was worth it. 

Charlie came rushing to his side, apologizing profusely. Killian just waved him off. He told the lad that the apology was unnecessary and it was. Instead of getting mad, especially at something he couldn’t control, he decided to channel the fear into teaching. So he got right back up, stood in that box and had Charlie throw again. Not only did it help the lad, but it helped Killian as well. 

By the time Killian pulled up to the Nolan household twelve hours after leaving that morning, he was beat. His back throbbed and his calves ached. How could four days of not working out, not practicing, take so much out of him? He knew the next day he would have to push himself to climb out of bed and start his conditioning. He would only have practice three days a week and have mandatory conditioning and physical training sessions for three other days. He would only get one day off a week. 

Henry’s graduation was the following day, and thankfully, he was able to pull some strings and get out of the group training. Instead, he was to do a ten mile run in the morning, if he conditioned on his day off at the team’s gym. It was a price he was willing to pay to spend the day with Emma and her family. 

He had planned on talking with her immediately when he got home, wanting to make sure she knew exactly what he saw of them. He wanted to be with her, no matter what. Unfortunately, there was something in his way first. 

He was met by his father when he pulled into the driveway. The Nolan’s car sat there right before him, Emma’s window casting a slight light out on the yard. It was early, especially for those who lived in LA, but he was hoping it was a sign that she was waiting up for him. He wanted to go right up to her, but it looked like he was going to have to have a conversation with his father instead. 

“How was practice?” his father asked as Killian got out of the car. 

“Evening dad, how are you? Oh I’m fine,” he replied sarcastically. He hated how his dad could never simply have a conversation with him. Everything always had to be about baseball. So before his dad could answer him, he turned around and began to walk towards the Nolan household. 

“Come on Killian,” his dad said, making Killian turn back around. 

“Come on what? You don’t give a shit about me dad. All you care about is that I didn’t sully your good name during practice. You are just making sure I was only focused on the game, and not on anything else,” Killian practically yelled, hoping that his bellow wasn’t too loud. No one needed to hear their conversation. 

“That’s not true,” his father tried to counter, but Kilian wasn’t buying it. 

“Oh please. You’ve never actually cared about what shit I was going through. All you cared about was how it was affecting my game or my career. You never cared about how my heart was broken when I caught Milah. You never cared about the shit I went through the last year. All you cared about was that I kept my head in the game.” 

“Killian, please, let me explain,” his father begged. 

For the first time since their conversation started, Killian actually took a good look at his father. The traditional stares that Brennan normally gave him weren't present on his face. Instead, his father looked almost broken. His eyes looked heavy and there was some slight pain there. He could see it in the dim light that was cast on him by the Nolan’s street lamp that stood next to their driveway.

“Explain what? How for years, you didn’t really care about my well-being? How you only cared about how anything affected my game? How for years, when I needed support, I only found it when I talked about the game?” he spat. 

“Yes, explain all of that,” Brennan said, with a small voice. 

Killian backed up a bit, unsure what to think about his father’s words. 

“Killian, you were always such a brilliantly talented kid,” his father began, moving to sit down on the bench that could be found along the wall of the Nolan’s house. “From the time you were small, I knew you were gifted. I had only wanted the best for you. I knew you had it in you, but sometimes, you had to be pushed to succeed. You used to be so stubborn.”

His father sighed a bit. So far, everything his father was saying was true. Killian was always the more talented brother when it came to sports. He knew deep down that his father did just want what was best for him. And Killian knew 100 percent that he was stubborn. 

“I’m sorry I disappointed you so much,” Killian said, moving to sit down next to his father, “but what is done is done. I fucked up dad. I know that. I know when I do something wrong on and off the field. I don’t need you to constantly scream and yell at me over it. I am out here working on the mistakes I have made.”

“You just have so much going for you, I don’t want you to throw it all away,” his father added. 

Killian rolled his eyes in the darkness. It seemed like his father always had the same response for everything Killian said. He didn’t want Killian to throw everything away. 

“I get that, but come on dad. You can’t keep using that excuse. This is my life. If I do something to screw my career than it’s on me, not on you. No matter how many times you yell or scream, it isn’t going to change anything. The mistakes I make are mine, and mine alone. I appreciate all the coaching you gave me when I was young, but you need to let it go now. I mean, can’t you just be proud of me?” Killian asked, with a hitch in his voice. 

“Killian, of course I am proud of you! I just worry that you don’t appreciate the life you have. I mean, how could I not be proud of you? I have seen you work hard for what you have. I have seen you practice when no one else would,” his father confessed.

“I do dad. I know just what this life means. I know that I could have lost it all over my temper and my anger. But I don’t need you to remind me every chance you get. It doesn't help. What I need is for you to just support me,” he told his dad. 

“I’m sorry Killian. I am sorry I haven’t supported you the way you needed all these years. I was just doing what I thought you needed.” The explanation from his father was normal to him, the apology was not. 

“Thank dad, I’m sorry too. I know you mean well, but it just isn’t working. You aren’t my coach anymore. You gotta drop it,” Killian explained again. He hoped his dad would actually understand what he needs. 

“Just make sure you keep your head in the game,” his father stood, patting his son on the shoulder. 

He began to walk back towards the Jones’ residence, when Killian called out. 

“Hey dad, just so you know, practice went really well. In fact, I’ve never had a better practice.” When he saw his dad’s smile after his admission, Killian knew that while they may not have mended their entire relationship, they were on their way. Maybe one day, his father would simply be his father. 

He got up and walked into the house. Most of the lights downstairs were off. It didn’t surprise him. He knew the travel from the family farm was a long one and tended to wipe everyone of their energy. Mary Margaret and David had probably gone straight to bed when they got home. Henry was probably upstairs trying to sleep, even though Killian knew that sleep was always hard the day before a big event. He wondered if Emma was still awake, waiting for him. He wanted to go straight to her again, but this time he was interrupted by his stomach. 

He needed to eat something, so he moved into the kitchen. He knew he didn’t need to ask anyone permission to get something to eat in the Nolan household. Since he was a kid, each family had an open door policy with each other. He made a simple sandwich and stuffed his face quickly. It was almost 10:30 and he knew Emma would be going to sleep soon, especially with the festivities in the morning.

He bypassed her door though, wanting more privacy to talk to her. He thought it best to try and talk to her through the bathroom. He entered his room and set his items down on the bed. He moved into the darkened bathroom, noting the light coming from her room illuminating the floor. Maybe she was still awake. His heart began to race, hope swelling in his mind. 

He knocked softly at first, not wanting to be too loud. However, she didn’t respond. He first thought that maybe she was just asleep, but he heard some movement from within. He knocked a bit louder, only to be met with silence. 

He wanted to try one more time, but something told him not to. Maybe she didn’t want to talk to him. Maybe she was regretting the previous night. Hell, maybe he was a bit too forceful that morning. He probably scared her off. He moved away from the door and back into his room. He closed the door to the bathroom and moved towards the bed. The light on the bedside table was turned on, allowing him to see the area she had slept on the previous night. 

Suddenly the fear from earlier came flooding back. Maybe he couldn’t handle the pain of her rejecting him. Maybe he couldn’t come back from this.


	9. Chapter 9

With the deep sleep she had the night before, Emma thought that it would take forever for her to fall asleep alone that night. Yet, when she woke in the morning, alone in her bed, she was surprised. The day must have taken a toll on her, enough to make her fall asleep without even getting under the covers or changing her clothes. 

They had gotten home around dinner time, exhausted after the long drive. She wanted to talk to Killian about his day, to make sure that the practice had gone well. She knew he was supposed to be home soon. So she waited patiently for a while, hoping to see him before he found his own bed. She was also hoping for an invitation to join him. While she knew, somewhere in the back of her mind she wanted to enjoy more intimate activities with Killian, she realised that want was pretty small. What she really craved right now was just his touch, his hands wrapped around her hips, drawing her in close as they fell into a deep slumber. 

She had caught herself daydreaming more and more about him as the day dragged on. After her mother’s revelation, she couldn’t help it. Almost everything made her think of him, even things that had nothing to do with him. After lunch, her grandfather suggested they head down to the main area and take a look at the new expansion. She rode in the golf cart with him, Regina and Henry. Nothing about that should have made her think of Killian, yet she couldn’t help but picture him beside her, holding her hand as they went over the rolling hills. 

She remembered glancing at the clock around nine and wondering where he was. His practice was supposed to end hours ago, yet he still wasn’t home. She was sure she heard a car pull up just a few minutes prior, but no movement had sounded in the house. Her body was starting to protest her attempts at staying awake. She knew she needed her sleep too. Tomorrow was a big day and it was going to be a long day too.

So, she let her body take over. She had said she would only take a light cat nap, so she left her lights on and her door unlocked. Hopefully, he would come to her. Hopefully, he would wake her, not wanting to wait till morning to talk to her. As she drifted off, she was thinking about how she would then beg him to stay with her. How he wouldn’t be able to say no to her soft plea and the sleepy look in her eyes. She hoped that he would then help her undress, maybe leading to something more. 

It was like she could feel his hands removing her shirt and pants. He wouldn't take it any further, as he was a gentleman and he believed in good form. Instead, he would use those fingers of his to gently massage her shoulders as she laid on his chest underneath the softness of her covers. She could almost feel his skin on hers, lulling her into the deep sleep that carried her through the night. 

She had fallen asleep with her phone and tablet on the bed with her. After all, she had planned for a cat nap. Looking around in the glow of the morning sun, she could see they had fallen to the floor in the middle of the night. She sent up a silent prayer that her phone kept its charge. She didn’t want her phone dying in the middle of Henry’s ceremony. She wanted to get as many pictures as possible, but she also knew she would need something to keep her mind busy while the school called out over 1500 names. 

She was disappointed to be alone in her bed, her door showing no signs of being opened. Thoughts began swarming in her mind. She couldn’t keep them all straight. Part of her tried to explain why he hadn’t come to her, why he didn’t wake up with her that morning. It tried to tell her that maybe he was just really tired from practice, which she could understand. It told her that he was being respectful by not coming to her so late, wanting to give her a good night sleep before today. 

The other part of her was a bit more dramatic. It told her that he regretted spending the night with her, even if he had said otherwise. It told her that he didn’t come to her simply because he knew he wouldn’t get anything from her other than a place to lay down. It told her that he was a man and needed more. She had always heard of people having an angel and devil on their shoulders, fighting to choose what is right, but she never expected it to happen to her. 

Expect they weren’t trying to stop her from doing something. They were fighting over whether she should really take this leap with Killian. One part of her was worried that he was just like every other guy out there, that he was just like Neal. The other part thought his gentlemanly ways were just too good to be true.

Emma knew she had to make a decision, and it didn’t have anything to do with Killian Jones. She had to decide then and now that no matter what happened, she wouldn’t let her fear get in the way. She wasn’t going to let her mind play games with her anymore. She had decided yesterday to take the chance with Killian and she wasn’t going let something as dumb as him not coming into her room last night scare her away. She wasn’t going to let her past, her fears, or her self-doubt take control any longer. She was going to finally get what she wanted. 

She marched downstairs with a purpose. She was going to confront him and lay it all on the line. She wasn’t going to wait any longer. When she got downstairs though, Killian was nowhere to be found. Finally taking the time to get a bearing of her surroundings, she noticed it was still quite early. Henry had to be at the venue by 10 to prepare for his commencement. Her parents were probably starting to stir, knowing that they had a lot to do that day. The caterers were arriving right after Henry was set to leave to prepare for the party that was going to begin a few hours after the ceremony. Yet, she knew her mother still had some final things to do. 

Instead of worrying, she decided she would surprise him with breakfast. The families didn’t need to leave for the venue until close to noon, so she had plenty of time to make him something special, to go with her special invitation. 

She knew he liked pancakes, or at least he used to. She had a special recipe from her father too, one that Killian had never tried, even though he grew up next door. David’s special pancakes were reserved for birthdays and holidays, but Emma decided that this occasion called for a little bit extra. Normally, she would have just used the box recipe and not done anything special.

Her father’s recipe called for nutmeg and some vanilla, along with a few other secret ingredients that Emma swore she would take to the grave. She had made them for Ruby and Lacey once before. She could remember Ruby’s face as she took the first bite. Emma never really believed in the saying that food could be better than an orgasm, but the ecstasy on Ruby’s face made her a believer. The girls begged Emma for the next couple of months to make them again, but Emma refused, saying they are only for the most special occasions. Christmas that year was at Granny’s and for all of their birthdays they were traveling, so Emma hadn’t made them again. 

She flipped the last pancake, hoping that her father would be able to use the rest of the batter when they woke up, which she was sure would be soon. No one in the Nolan household could resist the smell of those pancakes. 

She loaded up the tray that her mother kept for breakfast in bed with the pancakes, some coffee, and the special syrup that her dad kept just for these occasions. Special pancakes always called for special syrup he said. Mrs. Buttersworth wouldn’t do, so her dad had ordered special flavored syrup from somewhere in Canada just to match his recipe. She laughed at him the first time he explained that to her. Some men order special beer to go with their foods, women paired wine, but her father paired syrup to his pancakes. 

She stopped quickly in the bathroom downstairs, wanting to make sure she looked OK. Thankfully she had taken her makeup off right when she got home, feeling sticky and sweaty from the early June summer. Her hair was still braided, with some small flyaways, but overall she looked good. It was thanks to all the beauty regiments they kept her on for modeling. Her skin was her career and she couldn’t abuse it. She was letting most of that regiment go for these three weeks. 

She padded almost silently back upstairs. She didn’t want to wake anyone too soon. She didn’t want the questions from her parents or Henry. She didn’t want to explain to them why she was bringing Killian special pancakes on a morning that wasn’t so special for him. She definitely didn’t want to explain anything to them until she explained herself to Killian. That is why she chose to enter his room through their bathroom. She didn't want to wait outside in the hallway for him to answer the door, she wanted some privacy for them and she knew there was a chance that would be ruined if someone happened to walk past her.

She knocked on his door with the end of the tray. At first, she didn’t hear any movement and it somewhat disappointed her. Plus, she had her hands full, something she didn’t really think about. She couldn’t just barge into his room like this. She would need to wait for him to come to her. She was trying to knock again when she heard movement. She heard the fall of his feet on the floor and the shuffling of blankets. She waited, counting the seconds until he finally opened the bathroom door.

Five long seconds. Those five seconds felt like an eternity. Each passing beat was like a bullet being shot at her. Fear was beginning to creep back. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe she should just let things happen and not try to force them. But as she began to think those thoughts, the door to the bathroom swung open and Killian was standing in front of her. 

“Swan?” he asked, sleep still hanging on his voice. His hair was messy, more than it was the day before. Yet he was just as handsome and it made a smile creep on her face. 

“Morning, I made you breakfast, but I can come back…” she began, starting to feel bad that she woke him. 

“Don’t you dare take those pancakes away,” he smiled as he grabbed her arm. “Thank you for breakfast, would you like to come in?”

Her smile grew as she nodded and walked into his room. She wasn’t 100% sure what to do from there, not really planning anything out other than the pancakes and maybe her confession. Thankfully, he did the rest for her. He walked over to his bed and sat down in his spot, the one he occupied the first night. He kept the sheet low along his hips as he situated himself, preparing for the tray. She walked over to him, leaning over to set the tray down over his lap. He was so close it set her skin on fire. 

“Something smells good,” he whispered, his arms moving to hold her there next to him. With her still bent over, her face almost leveled with his. 

“It’s just pancakes,” she replied in almost a whisper.

“I wasn’t talking about the pancakes,” he quipped, her head turning towards him. He took the opportunity that was presented and kissed her sweetly. A simple thank you for the breakfast, but there was something behind that kiss that could lead to more. But before anything could escalate, he pulled back with a smile on his face. 

“Delicious,” he smirked. 

She rolled her eyes a bit and moved back. She wasn’t sure what to do now. Should she talk to him while he was eating, or should she wait until he was done? If she didn’t wait, she would be doing most of the talking or he would ignore his food for her. 

“Thank you for breakfast love, but there is something else going on isn’t there?” he questioned. His stare kept her in place. “Is it about last night?”

His last question made her finally move. She walked around the bed and sat down next to him, where she realised she was starting to consider was her side. She almost rolled her eyes at her own thought; she had only spent one night in this bed, how could she feel that this was her side and that his? How could she believe that it would always be that way?

Before she could answer, Killian decided to say something else. 

“Love, I am really sorry I didn’t come to you last night. Well, I tried. I didn’t get home till late, then my father wanted to talk to me. By the time I got up to the room, it was well past ten and I thought you might be asleep. I tried to knock on your door but there was no answer, so I assumed you wanted to be left alone,” he explained as he cut up his pancakes, trying to avoid eye contact with her. She wasn’t sure why, but it was probably the same reason she had tried to avoid eye contact with him. She was a bit embarrassed by it all. Not embarrassed of him, just embarrassed by her behavior. She couldn’t believe how she was acting. 

“No, don’t apologize. I tried to wait up for you, but I must have been so tired. You must have been too. I was just hoping you would come and tell me everything,” she confessed. 

“Really? That is what I wanted as well. I couldn’t wait to get back here to tell you all about it,” he added, a smile returning to his face. 

He took a bite of his breakfast and made a slight moan. It was erotic watching him eat the pancakes. The way he licked his lips after every bite, making sure to get all of the syrup that came on the fork. She almost had to shake herself out of the spell he was casting on her. 

“How was it?” she finally asked as he made his way through the stack. 

“Brilliant. It was bloody amazing, Swan!” he sounded so joyful and excited. 

“I’m glad to hear it,” she replied.

“I haven’t felt like that in a long time. It felt good being back on a field where there was little pressure on me to succeed. The guys are mostly young, and I was actually able to help them out, so it was different than what I am used to. The coach is a bit grumpy, but he means well. I really think these next three weeks are going to help me.” She could hear the hope in his voice. She was glad that he was finally getting back the love he had for the game. 

“You said your father talked to you?” she asked, wanting to put off what she had to tell him for a while longer. 

“Aye, he did, but I really don’t want to talk about that, I want to talk about you. Why did you make me breakfast?” he questioned. 

Shit, she thought, it was now or never. This was the moment where she would tell Killian that she was falling for him, that her feelings for him never once really left her. Taking a big sigh, she turned to look at him, hoping that it wouldn’t scare her away. But immediately, she turned back looking down at the comforter she had pulled into her lap. Her hands began to play with a loose part of the fabric. 

“I like you Killian, like a lot. I am not really sure what it all means, what this time home means for me, what it means for you, but I know that I want to spend as much time with you as I can. I want to find out what us being here, being with each other means. I know I could get hurt, I know that in three weeks we will both be heading back to LA to live out our lives, but I don’t care. I want to see where this all goes. I guess what I am trying to say is…. will you go on a date with me?” Her confession came out quick, but strong. She didn’t muffle any words, even if she didn’t look at him the entire time. Her hands were holding the blanket tight, unwilling to let go in fear that they might do something crazy. 

“Shouldn’t it be I doing the asking part?” his question came almost too quickly. 

She finally turned to him, and saw a smile on his face. The sleep was almost entirely gone from his eyes. He was wide awake now and there was joy to his emotions. Her jaw went slack, unsure what to think of the situation. 

“Um…..” she mumbled. 

“I would love to go on a date with you, Emma Swan. I would love nothing more, but on one condition,” he replied, moving the tray that was now empty of pancakes onto the floor before turning to pull her hands in his. 

“Let me plan the date? Say tomorrow? Pick you up at your room?” he asked playfully. 

“What, do you think I can’t plan a date?” she replied, finally finding her words. 

“Not at all, but since you made a confession, I will make one too. I’ve been thinking of asking you out since yesterday morning, so since you robbed me of that moment, allow me the honor of planning our date. I promise you won’t be disappointed,” he beamed.

“Alright,” she almost whispered. 

Before any other words could be said, he pulled her to him, his arms coming to wrap around her waist. His lips on hers were rough and fast, pouring all of his emotions into the kiss. It was similar to the kiss they shared before she left yesterday morning. A hunger grew in her belly. She needed more. Kisses wouldn't be able to hold her any longer. 

She moved quickly, positioning her body above his, only the thin sheets and their clothes between them. Her arms snaked around his neck, trying to pull her body as close to his as she could get. His arms moved from her waist up and down her back, playing with the hem of her night shirt. She could feel him grow beneath her and without thinking, she pressed herself down onto him, gyrating just a bit, just enough to have him growl at the motion. His teeth came out and took her lip between them, biting slightly. 

Her hands moved from his neck down his body, feeling every hard inch as she went. His hands mimicked hers, except they moved up and under her shirt. She wasn’t wearing a bra, so when his hands made contact with her nipples, they perked instantly under his touch. She moaned into his mouth, craving more. His touching on her skin was leaving a trail of fire in their wake. She had never had someone touch her the way Killian did. His hands were rough, but his touch was gentle. He gripped her in a way that made her need more of him. She circled back down on him, feeling his length rub against her spot. God if this was anything like real sex with him, she didn’t know how long she would be able to last. His fingers tweaked her nipples and caused her to break their kiss, throwing her head back. She tried hard to not yell out, knowing that someone in the house would hear her. 

Her hands finally made their way to their destination. As she began to slip one beneath the elastic of his pants, she felt him move beneath her. He was quick and decisive, placing her on her side so that she was facing him, leaving a small space between them. Without missing a beat, he was back kissing her, silently pleading with her to continue her assault on his body. Her hand finally weaved down his pants, and grabbed a hold of his cock. He was bigger than she imagined, even though she had felt him a few times before. She didn’t really move, just gave it a bit of a squeeze as she kissed him harder. 

His hands moved from her breasts down to her shorts. They trailed over her clit through her clothes, teasing her. If he didn’t touch her soon, she was sure she was going to explode. His hand began to trail up towards the top of her shorts when a yell came from beneath them. 

“Emma, are you up?” Shit Emma thought, her mother. 

As quickly as things had escalated between them, they dwindled. Emma pulled herself away from him, missing his touch immediately. She knew that their moment was over, but that there was a chance for more moments later. 

“Yes!” she yelled trying to keep her voice calm. Thankfully she knew her mother couldn’t tell which room the bellow came from. “Be down in a minute!” 

She turned back towards Killian who looked a bit annoyed with the situation. He was lying on his back, his skin red and lips swollen. He looked delectable, and Emma cursed her mother for having the worst timing. 

She leaned over his body, her hand sneaking across his chest. 

“I guess we’ll have to finish this later,” she said, peppering kisses along his jaw. 

“Aye love, I guess we will have to,” the annoyance that she saw was clear in his voice. 

“Gotta go, see you downstairs,” she winked as she planted one last kiss, a promise, on his lips.

———————

The next couple of hours lasted way too long. She went downstairs after her mother called for her and ate breakfast with them. Her mother asked why she had made some pancakes already. She lied and said she just couldn’t wait and knew her father would be making them anyway. They seemed to take that as a perfectly acceptable excuse and continued on with their day. Her parents were too excited to wait and gave Henry his graduation present early. He was going on a trip across the country! Henry’s dream had always been to road trip with his friends to California for Comic Con then road trip back home. Her parents are helping his dreams come true. The only stipulation was that Henry was going to visit Emma for a week in LA. She didn’t mind, not at all. She couldn’t wait to show Henry around. 

All too soon, Henry left for school. She knew Killian had already showered, as when he finally came down from his room, he looked calm and collected. She could also smell the slight scent of her shampoo. Some pretty dirty thoughts popped in her head when she saw him again for the first time and the smell of her shampoo made them so much worse. She could almost imagine showering with him, basking them both in the scent. 

She excused herself to shower while Killian tried to get out of eating even more pancakes. But just like everyone in the Nolan family, he couldn’t say no to more special pancakes. Emma laughed to herself as she climbed the stairs. She ate almost six herself, way more than she normally would, so she was sure Killian had room for more. 

She took her time in the shower, hoping to move along the morning. They had some time until they would need to leave. She didn’t think she would be able to handle just sitting around the family room with Killian, letting the attraction stir between them. The air would be too hot, too stifling. 

She washed her body more than twice, took extra care with her hair, even shaved. She didn’t need to, since she was a religious waxer thanks to her schedule with modeling, but anything to take up more time. When the shower began to run cold, she knew it was time to get out. She took her time getting ready from there. Normally, she would have just slightly blowed dried her hair, allowing it to fall more naturally. Today, she went all out. Why not, right? Your little brother only graduates from high school once. 

By the time she was done, she looked ready for a shoot. Over the years she had picked up tips and tricks from the professionals. Her makeup was artfully applied yet looked natural. Her hair fell perfectly, framing her face and body in a way that would drive Killian mad, she was sure of that. The dress she had chosen to wear just made her that much more attractive, even if she did say so herself. It was a long maxi dress, but it had a huge slit that came almost to her hip. The top portion perfectly accented her cleavage. 

She knew she shouldn’t make it harder on him, because she was already having a hard time keeping her hands off of him. Yet she couldn’t help herself. She wanted to tease him a bit, the same way he was beginning to tease her this morning. This dress would be the perfect weapon. 

By the time she was walking back down the stairs she only needed to waste 15 minutes before they would all leave to head to the venue. She could deal with 15 minutes, especially when she heard Brennan talking. She wouldn’t be stuck alone with him, with no one to stop her from taking him by the tie and pulling him off until everyone was ready. 

It wasn’t until they were splitting into cars that reality came back to bite her in the ass. Her parents were going to take their sports car to the venue, since it was such a nice day, and David said they needed something to keep her mother’s mind occupied. Mary Margaret was still concerned she forgot something for the party, even though the backyard looked amazing and the food was on schedule. Brennan and Adelaide were also opting to take their sports car. So that left Killian and Emma to take one of the family cars, joined by Evie. Awkward was the nicest word Emma could find to describe that car ride. 

She wanted to be close to him, but as he drove it was difficult. She saw him taking glances at her every chance he had. She saw the way his eyes fixed to her body when she entered the family room. She noticed the shift in his body when the slit of the dress was revealed. Her plan almost soured when he walked past her on their way to the car, when he whispered a comment about her dress. 

“You are breathtaking, Swan,” he whispered, the tone of his voice anything but innocent. She knew she would be paying for that dress later, in a way she wouldn’t mind. The wink he gave her as he walked away made her weak in the knees. 

Thankfully, they had to be seated in separate areas of the venue. The high school rented out the large college stadium near the school for the event. Families were given four special tickets that gave them lower seating, closer to the action. Anyone else who wanted to attend had to take the upper level seating. Emma was glad they wouldn’t be sitting together for hours. The ceremony was to begin at one and wasn’t supposed to end until at least 3 hours later. That is what happened when you had a large high school. Emma could remember one year where the ceremony lasted 5 hours. That year, the valedictorian ran over in their speech and since then, everything was limited and practiced multiple times, so that families didn’t have to stay at the ceremony for too long. 

The whole thing was pretty boring. If you’ve been to one high school graduation, you’ve been to them all. She was going to spend the time playing some game on her phone, but instead, she found herself daydreaming about Killian, something that had been happening way too much. 

She had gone from not thinking about him in a few years, to thinking about him constantly in the past three days. Three days had changed so much in her life. Never did she expect the last few days to go anything like how they have. It was only a few days ago that she walked into her bedroom to find her skeezy boyfriend in her bed with someone else. What followed this was Killian coming back into her life, like no time had passed between them at all. 

She thought coming home would be a challenge. She thought that she would hate the time at home, but Killian changed everything. She could already tell that she wouldn’t want to leave at the end of the three weeks. Things at home with her mom were slowly getting better, her head was clearing and things seemed to make more sense; it was becoming obvious that these changes came because of Killian.

Thoughts drifted to tomorrow. What did he have planned? And had he really been thinking the same things she had been for the past couple of hours? Would he have asked her out soon, if she didn’t jump the gun and ask him first? Normally, she wasn’t one to take those risks. In her relationship with Neal, things were traditional. Neal wore the pants, he made the decisions. The only thing that was different was she paid for their apartment. Yet when she thought of Killian, she couldn’t help but speed things up. She had said they would let fate take them where it may lead, but Emma wanted fate to move things along, not take its damn time. 

Before she realized it, Henry’s name was being called. Tears began to form in her eyes as she watched her little brother walk across the stage. His face was being projected on the screens that line the stage. His smile was contagious. She was so proud of her brother. Beside her, her father had wrapped her mother in a tight hug. Her mother had tears streaming down her face, so happy for her son to finally be graduating high school. She was sure that there were a few other things her mother was feeling, but in that moment, Emma knew that even if her mother didn’t always agree with her, she always did love her and Henry. 

Things moved quickly once Henry was across the stage. The ceremony ended sooner than anyone thought and all too soon, they were back at the Nolan residence getting ready for the party to begin. Emma knew there were other family members that sat in the upper section near the Jones’ and they would be arriving soon. Her mother made sure that there was some time between the ceremony and party, to give them plenty of time to do any finishing touches. 

Her mother put Emma to work setting out the party favors. Emma really couldn’t understand why a graduation party would have party favors but she knew better than to question anything her mother wanted for a party. Thankfully, Killian and the Jones’ were also put to work. The car ride back from the ceremony was identical to the car ride to it. Emma was thankful for the time spent in Killian’s company, but couldn’t wait to be in the open air. 

Killian was in charge of making sure the strung up lights were working and there were no burned out bulbs. It gave her ample opportunity to stare at him while he worked on the ladder. His arms were contracting in amazing ways, his back stretching underneath the tight white shirt he had worn underneath his ceremony gear. 

He did take time during the setup to sneak glances at Emma too. She could feel his eyes on her, especially as she walked back and forth from the garage to get more favors and other random decorations. The tension between them was palpable. It was a good tension though, one that kept her smiling with thoughts of what was to come between them. 

As she walked into the garage for the probably 13th time, Killian cornered her, pressing her into a darkened corner. His lips were on hers instantly. No words passed between them, instead they let the chemistry flow freely. His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her close. The kiss lasted less than a minute, but was a promise of things to come. As quickly as he jumped on her, he left. Again, no words were said, but a wink was on his face as he left the garage. She was out of breath and completely taken aback by his behavior. She realized it was his way of getting back at her for the teasing she had been giving him all day. She had to admit, she liked the punishment. 

For the next thirty minutes, things went the same way. He snuck kisses from her whenever possible. Once behind the tree house as she walked back there to get a stray decoration, once when she went into the house to take a bathroom break. More than anything else, she constantly felt his eyes on her. 

Never before had she felt good when a man looked at her the way Killian did. When Neal looked at her, there was always something behind his gaze. She never truly felt love, acceptance or understanding when he looked at her. When men in LA stared at her, it made her feel squeamish, like she was just a piece of meat. However, Killian’s gaze made her feel good. She knew he was only looking at her with longing and compassion. 

As the party began, she had hoped that she would be able to steal some time with Killian. There would be more people around, which meant less time that anyone of significance would have with him or her. She wasn’t ashamed of him or what they were doing, but since she still wasn’t 100% sure what their relationship meant, she didn’t want it under any scrutiny. 

However, more people came to the party than Emma thought. A bunch of Killian’s friends from high school heard he was in town and stopped by to see him. Emma’s old friends did the same. Thankfully, most of them were already invited and Mary Margaret didn’t seem to mind the few extra stragglers. She always ordered way more food and drinks than were needed, so maybe it just meant less food they had to store at the end of the party. 

Their friends kept them apart most of the party. She hadn’t seen Lily or their group since she left for LA. She thought that at least some of them would have tried to keep in touch, but they didn’t. Sure, she knew what some of them were up to; Facebook allowed her the option to stalk them when she got bored, but other than random Happy Birthday posts, she hadn’t heard from any of them. 

“So, Killian is here…” Lily started to ask her after they had been catching up for a couple of minutes. 

“Yeah, we actually were on the same flight out here,” Emma started, already annoyed at the tone in Lily’s voice. 

“And you are OK with him being here? After all the shit he put you through?” she questioned. 

Emma was blindsided by the question. Out of everything that had happened over the past couple of years, this is what Lily had to harp about. Their catch up had been quick; Emma telling her about living in LA, graduating college, getting modeling gigs, while Lily told Emma how she married Walsh, had two kids, got divorced, and worked in a diner. Instead of Lily asking about anything else, she had to ask about Killian. It blew Emma’s mind. 

“Yes, actually. We talked on the plane a bit and a few times since. He’s actually staying in the guest room since his brother is down as well,” Emma said, trying to sound perfectly happy. 

“I don’t know how you do it Ems, after everything he did, how much of an ass he was, how he just stopped all communication. I would have kicked his ass. I mean, doesn’t it hurt, knowing he got so much out of life, even after the shit he pulled?” Lily pondered. 

Emma was fed up. Her anger started to pool in her mind. How dare Lily even bring that up? She had no idea what any of them had been through and it wasn’t like her life had been perfect. 

“No, it doesn’t make me angry. We’ve both grown up a lot since then. He apologized for his behavior, and I apologized as well. We are friends again,” Emma said, hoping to end Lily’s inquisition. 

“Well, I just don’t want to see you get hurt again. He hurt you once before, and you never know, he could do it again. I mean, I didn’t think that Walsh could ever cheat on me but he did it twice. I just don’t want you to get too attached to him again. Besides, it isn’t like you two would be able to actually have a relationship this time. Even if he is single, you both travel so much, it would never work. I’m just looking out for you,” Lily said, with a fake concern in her voice.

Emma realized Lily had always had that tone. Even when they were younger, when Lily seemed to care, she just didn’t want anyone to be happier than her. In fact, Emma didn’t think her graduation party would have gone the same way if Lily hadn’t gotten her drunk. 

“Thanks for the concern Lil. Hey, I need to check in with my mom. Catch you later,” she said quickly, walking away before her emotions got the best of her. 

She was angry that someone who didn’t seem to care about her over the past six years, now seemed to overly care about her well being. She was pissed that she couldn’t focus on the present instead of the past. But what frustrated her the most was that the things Lily had said were some of the fears that slowly crept back into Emma’s subconscious, without her friend’s help. She had already been having some of those feelings for a while. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, Emma worried that their careers would take them from each other. She worried that he would do the same thing he did all those years ago, leave her and not give any explanation. 

She had told herself too many times over the past three days, while she fought with her own mind, that Killian was different now, she was different now. Sure, it may happen, but she would rather enjoy the time with him than worry about what would happen after him. At least that is what she kept telling herself. She knew though that the fear was still there. She had been hurt too many times before and she just wasn’t sure if she could survive it again. 

She walked quickly out of view of the party, walking into the Jones’ backyard and to the swing that sat under their large tree. She wanted to believe in her and Killian. She wanted to believe that he could never hurt her again. She wanted to experience everything with him, but now she wasn’t quite sure if it was something she could risk.

“Love, is everything OK?” she heard a small voice say from nearby.

Of course Killian had followed her. She shook her head a bit, mostly out of her own annoyance that she didn’t think that he would follow her. Of course he would; he wasn’t the same Killian. 

“I guess I just needed some time,” she explained, trying to keep her voice even. 

“I saw you talking with Lily, how was that?” he asked, but she knew he already knew it didn’t go well. It seemed that she was still an open book to him, even now in the dark. 

She didn’t reply. He walked over to her and placed his hands above her head on the swing. He towered above her from behind. It felt good having him standing next to her, almost protecting her from all the negative thoughts that were surrounding her. Those feelings seemed to melt away when he was around her. In his presence, she felt that he would truly never hurt her again, that he would try to be the man he wanted to be. 

“So I never really told you why I was coming back home for your graduation party, did I?” he asked, moving his hands from the rope of the swing down to her shoulders. 

Again, she shook her head, knowing he could see her. She was surprised he was willing to talk about it. She thought they had put their past behind them, wanting to leave what happened all those nights ago in the past. She did wonder why he was coming home that day though. In her mind, she imagined it was because he was going to confess his feelings for her, but she also thought it was simply because he missed his family and friends. 

“All those years ago, whenever we talked, I always felt complete. Like for once, someone was finally listening to me and really hearing me. You cared about what I was going through, and I cared about you and what you were going through. Over the months, I felt compelled to be near you. The messages and phone calls weren’t enough. I just knew I had to see your face, to make sure what I felt for you was real. So much was going to ride on that, so I had to make sure,” he confessed.

Emma wanted to look into his blue eyes, but her face was glued onto the grass beneath her feet. Was he admitting to feeling the same way she felt towards him all those years ago? 

“I had fallen in love with you all those years ago. I didn’t think I could actually have a life without you. That was until Milah came back and changed everything. Something inside of me made me think that you didn’t matter, that nothing but that baby mattered. I am so sorry for doing that to you. I am so sorry for making you think that you didn’t mean anything to me, when at the time, you meant almost everything,” he finished. 

Finally, Emma looked up at him, almost not believing anything he had said. Did he really just say he once loved her, that she almost meant more to him than his own child? 

She didn’t get to respond, as he continued. 

“When I finally saw you again, it was like things were finally falling back into place. All those feelings I had for you came rushing back. You listen to me in a way that no one else listens. I know you are scared of what could happen, I can see it. I understand it. But know this, I don’t want that to happen, not this time. What I am feeling for you is strong and powerful and I am not sure what it means or where it will lead, but like you, I want to see where it will take us.” His voice was strong but low as he walked around to kneel in front of her. 

His hands came up to cup her cheek, pulling her gaze from the grass to his face. 

“I’m sorry I let people put fear into me again. I keep going back and forth. One minute I trust you and I am so glad you are back in my life. I want this and I want you. But then, something happens and I get scared again. We’ve just been hurt so much in the past and I don’t know if I can survive being hurt again,” she confessed, looking into his eyes. 

“I get it, Swan, but I know no matter where life takes us, no matter what it throws at us, I would rather spend a few weeks with you, than no weeks. I also know that at least if this, whatever it is between us was to end, I would still consider you my closest friend. I just hope I can prove to you that I would never purposefully hurt you,” he said.

Instead of replying, Emma kissed him. She leaned forward and pushed her lips to his. His words were just what she needed to hear. She wanted to make sure that they were in this together, that he didn’t just want to relive the past, but change their future. 

“Come on, I think it’s time for bed,” she said as she pulled back, a small smile on her face. 

The party was still going on, but Henry had left a while earlier. Her parents and the Jones’ would be keeping the party going for a few more hours too. In her mind, the party was over and it was her time to have Killian all to herself. She had originally thought about what the night would hold for them, but as they climbed the stairs of the Nolan house, sneaking in through the front door so no one would see them hand in hand, she felt dead on her feet. 

“You looked absolutely beautiful today, Swan,” he said once they were in the privacy of his room. He was behind her, his hands snaking around her waist to pull her closer. 

“You looked rather dashing as well,” she smiled. 

He helped her undress, handing her a shirt for her to sleep in. It smelled just like him and was surprisingly the most comfortable thing she had ever worn. 

She climbed into the bed, sighing as her head hit the pillow. 

“How about I tell you a story to help you sleep love, that way you are 100% rested for our date tomorrow?” he winked again. 

“Sounds like heaven,” she replied, moving to place her head on his chest. 

As he began a story of the time most of his team in the minors went to Jamaica to celebrate the end of the year, but one of the younger kids got them into a load of trouble, she fell into another peaceful sleep, all the worries about their relationship, their past and their future fading away.


	10. Chapter 10

“Good morning sleepyhead,” his mother called to him as he entered his family’s kitchen. 

He knew she was joking as it was still pretty early in the morning. Even as a kid, Killian never had the ability to sleep in late. He was an early bird, something about the morning called to him. It was only in very recent years that he began to sleep in. It was something he changed for Milah. She was a night owl, preferring to do things late. One of them had to compromise and of course it was him who changed his ways for her. 

It felt good now, being able to wake when he wanted, to do what he wanted when he wanted. It was becoming easier and easier to see the good that was now in his life, especially without the shadow of Milah surrounding him. 

“Morning ma,” he replied, moving to sit down at the breakfast nook. It had a large window that looked out into their backyard. 

“So, what plans do you have for today?” she questioned, giving him a look that he was unable to place. 

The excitement that he felt about Emma and their date was almost overwhelming, but he didn’t want any advice or questions from his family. They always meant well, but did tend to meddle in a way that wasn’t very helpful. He knew he had to tell his mother something though. The way she stole glances at him as she made breakfast told him that she already knew something was up. He didn’t quite know how she did it, but his mother always knew when something was going on. Between his mother and Mary Margaret, they would figure out that he and Emma were going to be spending the day together. 

“Emma and I have plans,” he said, trying to sound like it was nothing special. He tried to keep the grin off his face, but knew it wasn’t good enough; the smirk on his mother’s face told him as much. 

“Oh,” she replied, a slight laugh to her voice. 

Killian was thankful the rest of his family hadn’t come down from their beds yet. He knew his mother wouldn’t tease him for trying to lie to them about his plans, but he wouldn’t put it past Liam. 

“Really ma, we are just going into the city to meet up with some old friends of hers.” His explanation sounded natural and it was true; they were just going into the city, but they wouldn’t be meeting up with any of her old friends. 

Killian didn’t hold them in very high regard. He always thought her high school friends were shitty and that most of them only really cared about themselves. He knew that some of them were only friends with her because of the money her family had. Emma’s parents always treated Emma’s friends like family; paying for their tickets to amusement parks, bringing them along to fancy parties and even paying for one or two friends to join them on their annual summer trips to somewhere in Europe. Killian really didn’t understand it, why they would bring other kids with them on a trip abroad, but he overheard Mary Margaret tell his mother once that it was so Emma and Henry didn’t feel alone during their trips, since their parents tended to still conduct business. 

Killian had a bad feeling during high school that Emma’s friend Lily was only friends with Emma for those reasons. Lily never really seemed to truly care about Emma’s well being or her happiness. He never told her, but Killian knew that Lily talked shit about Emma behind her back. Emma trusted her friend so much during high school, having no secrets, but those secrets were always leaked by Lily. He didn’t know how Emma never found out about Lily’s behavior, but he was glad she didn’t. While Lily was a shit person, he was still glad Emma had someone other than just him. He didn’t do her any good thousands of miles away. 

It was one of the things he regretted about his early life. He was so invested in getting as far away from his dad, to getting to the best school for his career, that he didn’t think of the people he was leaving behind for a while. Once he started talking to Emma again, he knew he made a mistake. He wished he had stayed closer, just to be nearer to her. Something had changed in her in his time away and he was sad to have missed it. 

However, that was all in the past now and what they had to look forward to, a potential happy future together, really excited him. They were too young back then to truly realize and appreciate the connection between them. Now though, they understood just what everything meant and how good things could be between them. 

“Well, no matter where you go, make sure to bring your sunblock,” his mother added, making sure to slip a mothering comment in. He had to laugh at her comment. No matter how old he got, or what had happened in his life, she would always mother him. 

He replied with a quick nod as she set his food down in front of him. He was reminded of how little time he has actually spent with them while being home. Sure, he had practice and then Henry’s graduation, but still, he didn’t get to spend too much time with everyone yet. He had missed his mother fiercely when he was on the road, missed her sympathy and understanding. And yes, he definitely missed her cooking. He missed her smile and advice most though. He missed Liam’s spirit and no nonsense view of things. He missed his brother’s tendency to piss just about anyone off when giving his two cents about something, even though he always gave the best advice and no one could stay mad at him long. Liam’s personality didn’t allow him to beat around the bush; he said what he felt and in the end, it was usually what was best for everyone. 

“Where are you going exactly?” she asked as she returned to the stove to finish cooking for the brood. 

“Well, I think we were just going to walk around the mall a bit and see what has changed. We’ve both been gone for quite a few years, so we thought there will be some new places to shop and things to see.” It was nothing but the truth. He really did want to see what has changed, he wanted to share that with her. To show her just how much things can stay the same even with change, and how change can bring about some amazing things. 

He knew she was worried about their past, worried about how his actions had hurt her once. He wanted to prove to her that even though they may be somewhat similar to the people the used to be, they also had changed a bit. There were familiar qualities, but so many new things to explore within each of them. 

“I think that is a wonderful idea. You know, I was thinking of doing the same thing with Liam and the kids later in the week. I can’t believe how much has changed since you two were kids…” she began, and her reminiscing continued as Killian ate his breakfast and thought about all the places he wanted to take Emma. 

One date with her, one night, would never be enough. He wanted to experience so much with her. He could already feel himself falling back in love with her. He knew it was crazy to think that love was already in his mind, but he couldn’t help it. He had never felt so good, never felt more right in anything he was doing. 

His mother was still talking to herself when he finished his breakfast and went to get ready for his day. He felt good; his morning run was perfect, as it started with him waking up next to Emma’s sleeping form. He dressed quietly while she slumbered and he left her a note explaining he would pick her up around eleven for their adventure in the city. It didn’t leave him much time to plan the day, but thankfully he already envisioned what they would be doing. It was the same thing he planned on doing with her all those years ago. 

Adelaide Jones prided herself on being a great mom; it was what she wanted to be known for. She never had the need to have a career or to volunteer. She just wanted to be home with her kids. She wanted to push them to do their best, yet support them enough in their endeavors that they felt that if they failed she would still love them. 

Liam was her easy child. He took every defeat and victory with style, never letting the loss bring him down and never letting the glory of the win make him cocky. Killian on the other hand, was her troubled child. He always carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Even when he couldn’t see it, everything affected him deeply. She saw how his father’s displeasure hurt him. She noticed how the game was slowly killing him, making him into someone who was unhappy and depressed. She missed his love for the game, one that was so prevalent when he was young. 

She had hoped that this mess with Milah would finally make him rethink everything that has happened in his life. She hoped he would take the time to look inward and decide if baseball was something he wanted to continue with. She knew deep down he loved the game, but she would support him no matter what he decided. 

She also hoped that one of her silliest dreams would come true during this trip home. 

Mary Margaret had been one of her best friends since she moved into the large colonial next to the Nolans. They instantly connected and could confide in each other in ways she never thought possible. As their children grew up together, Adelaide could see the connection between their families, especially between young Emma and Killian. They had similar souls and complemented each other well. Sure, there was an age gap, but that never stopped their friendship. She had been a bit worried about that when they moved in, worried that Killian and Liam would hate living next door to a younger (and in a young boy’s opinion) obnoxious girl. Yet the two got along famously. Sure, time pulled them apart, thanks to school schedules and new friendships. But whenever the two were together, you could see the bond they shared.

During one drunken girl’s night, Mary Margaret and Adelaide both confessed to hoping that Emma and Killian would one day get together. She was surprised that Mary Margaret saw the same things she did. They used to dream of the day their kids would get together, dream of the wedding and the grandkids, which both of them so desperately wanted even if at the time Emma was only fifteen. 

There was a short time when they thought the match would actually happen and without any of their meddling, which they worked so hard not to do. However, fate had a different plan for their children. Of course, both women were devastated but realized that their kids had to grow up first and that maybe one day, they would finally get together. 

Adelaide and Mary Margaret were used to meddling in their families affairs, and for them to sit back and do nothing when it came to Emma and Killian was pure torture. So when fate again decided to play into their lives, bringing both of them back to Virginia for the summer, they quickly went into planning mode. 

Liam wasn’t planning on coming down that summer. His family were originally planning on camping for a few weeks in Canada, but thanks to Adelaide’s quick thinking and begging (OK, mostly begging and pulling the grandma card), they were able to have an excuse for Killian to spend some time with Emma in close quarters. The rest they had to let grow naturally, but forcing the two to sit together or across from each other whenever possible couldn’t be helped. 

When the two got off the plane, Adelaide could see that something had happened and she couldn’t help but smile at the thought. As the days went on, she could see them getting closer and closer. They thought they were being sneaky, but Mary Margaret had hawk like senses for these types of things. 

They witnessed the flirting between the two. They spotted the looks of lust and even love that were shared. They even witnessed a few stolen kisses between the two. 

Now they just had to wait. 

As Killian went upstairs to shower, she took the time to call her best friend. 

“It’s finally happening,” she began, skipping the traditional introduction. 

“After all this time, I can’t believe it. Emma was so nervous this morning. She couldn’t even look me straight in the eyes. All she would tell me is that they had plans this afternoon and couldn’t make the dinner,” Mary Margaret squealed. 

Adelaide knew the woman had been up for sometime, having to organize things from the previous night’s festivities. 

“Killian was the same. He kept trying to hide that there was something more to their activities today. I think that’s a good sign. Hopefully this time, they can finally be happy,” she confessed.

In the end, that is all either parent ever wanted for their child. They wanted both of them to be happy with their lives. Sure, they knew that they would be infinitely happier with each other, but as long as their kids were happy, they would be. Adelaide knew that Killian hadn’t been truly happy in a very long time. The few times she had seen him while he was on the road over the past few years he acted happy, looked happy, but deep down she knew he wasn’t truly happy. Mary Margaret knew the same was true for Emma. She may say she was happy in LA and she may have enjoyed modeling and making new friends, but there was something missing there, something that would bring her true happiness. 

“We can only hope,” Mary Margaret agreed, before continuing their conversation about the future of their children. 

He was way too excited for this date. He had spent that morning getting everything in order. Everything was in place for their date, everything down to the last detail was planned. He didn’t know how he pulled it all off in less than twelve hours, but the fates were shining down upon him. Everything was going to be perfect and he couldn’t have been happier about that.

He was ready well before eleven o’clock struck, so he had just enough time to run up to the local strip mall and get one final detail; a bouquet of flowers that he thought matched her hair and eyes. The tulips reminded him of the way her hair flowed in the wind and the lavender that was mixed in reminded him of the way she seemed to soothe his worries. The green leaves speckled throughout reminded him of the way her eyes peaked out from behind her locks. He didn’t think that he would have had time to get the flowers, so he was glad he had the time to pick them up. 

When he knocked on the Nolan’s door at exactly eleven, his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest. He couldn’t wait to see what she looked like. If it was anything like what she looked like yesterday, it would be awe inspiring. The dress she wore yesterday was the perfect mixture of sexy and beautiful. It turned him on way more than it should have, but it also allowed him to see just how beautiful she truly was. The way she held herself as she walked, the way her soft curves filled in and moved, the way her hair hit her shoulders and highlighted her slight tan, was all too much to handle in that dress. 

When she opened the door, he was nothing short of impressed. She was a vision. It was if an angel was standing in front of him, blessing him with her presence. She had gone much more casual for their date, which was good considering Killian had decided on a nice pair of jeans and his traditional tight black shirt. 

Her hair was down in loose curls, the way he loved it. She could wear her hair however she wanted, but his favorite was when her hair fanned around her face, framing her gorgeous features. She kept her makeup simple, with slight golden eyeshadow on her eyes that made her emerald eyes pop even more. 

Her tank top almost caused him to have a heart attack. It was a deep red, with a lace trim. The rest of the red tank was see through, but not enough to make her look trashy. It was enough to drive him wild though. The perfect mix of sexy and casual. He silently thanked her profession for allowing her the clothing she had and giving her the style and senses that was being shown. Her white jeans hugged her body, accenting her curves perfectly. He could see the tone of her body through the material. He would have been lying to himself if he said he wasn’t turned on by her outfit, but he also knew that she could be wearing a potato sack and he would still be turned on. She exuded beauty and sexuality. He couldn’t help but be intrigued by her. 

“Swan…. You look,” he began, but was unable to finish his sentence. He couldn’t help but stare at her perfection. 

“I know,” she winked, and by the way she was looking at him, he couldn’t help but think she was just as turned on by his outfit, even if it was more simple. 

“So what do you have planned for us today?” she questioned as they walked to the car that he was borrowing from his mother. 

“That, love, is a surprise,” he grinned, seeing a sparkle in her eye. She didn’t mind the surprise, at least she didn’t seem to be bothered by it. 

As he opened the door for her and gave her the flowers he had purchased for her, he couldn’t help but notice the blush in her face. 

“They are beautiful, thank you Killian,” she said softly as she climbed into the car. Her tone worried him a bit. 

After he climbed into the car and started the engine, he couldn’t help but ask her what was wrong. 

“What is it, Swan?” he asked.

She turned to him and he was able to see a small tear in her eye. He reached over instinctively, grabbing her hand in his. He interlaced their fingers and brought her hand to his lap. He wanted to console her, even if he didn’t know exactly what was wrong.

“It’s just, no one has ever given me flowers before. Neal never really “wooed” me, he claimed there was no need. It’s just a very nice gesture, that’s all,” she confessed, looking a bit embarrassed. 

“Well Neal is an ass. You deserve the world, love, deserve to be doted on every minute of every day. And that is precisely what I plan on doing,” he smiled, leaning forward to capture her lips in his quickly. In the back of his mind, he knew their families were probably watching them, but he didn’t seem to care anymore. By the end of this night, he was going to make sure Emma knew just how much he felt for her. He was going to prove to her that he was in this for the long haul. 

Pulling back, he moved the car into drive and drove them closer to the city they both loved so much. 

Their first stop was Hillwood Gardens. Emma’s eyes light up as they drove down the drive of the estate. 

“You once told me that you loved these gardens. You had taken a field trip here for your biology class and mentioned that the quietness that came from the gardens calmed you. I thought it would be good to get you back to that same calm,” he explained, hoping to shed some light on his reasons for taking her here. He wanted her to see just how much thought he put into everything they were doing today on their date, wanted her to realize that things would be different this time. 

“I can’t believe you remembered,” she whispered, staring out the window. 

“Of course I would remember. You talked about this place like it was your heaven on Earth. Now, I know LA has some wonderful gardens, but I am sure that nothing compares to these, so what do you say Swan? Would you like to take a walk with me?” he pondered, cocking his head to the side to indicate the entrance. 

“I couldn’t want it more,” she smiled. 

As they walked through the large gardens, looking at the roses and ponds that peppered the area, their talks turned more serious. Earlier, they had discussed the fun parts of Henry’s party, what Henry’s plans were for the summer and what Emma’s friends were up to back home. They talked about what Killian’s teammates were probably doing, but as those conversations carried on, they began to really talk about their feelings and fears. 

“I know the guys miss me, and I miss them, but I am still not sure that I miss the game. What if I get back and I just don’t enjoy the game as much as I once did?” he confessed to her as they walked into the Japanese garden. 

“Well, the way I see it, you have a few choices. You can either quit now, which I think would be a stupid mistake, because you would never really know what you feel towards the game. You can go back and try your best and end up loving the game again. Sure, it may be a different type of love, but it’s still love. Or, you can go back and end up hating the game, at which time you quit and move on to something else that you could love. The one thing you shouldn’t do is let your fear cloud your judgement. You are really talented Killian and I know how much you used to love playing. I believe you can get that back if you just let go of everything that is holding you back,” she explained to him. 

He’d heard all of this before, some parts of it from her before too. However, now the words felt different. They carried more weight and meant more to him. She was right of course; he had to at least try to see if his love was still there, if his talent was still there. At the end of the day, he could find something else do it if it didn’t work. Why stress out about it now, especially when he has three weeks to learn to love again, and in more ways than one. 

“Thank you Swan,” he said, pulling her into a hug, pressing a kiss upon her temple. 

“I feel it too sometimes,” she whispered, pulling back a bit to look into his eyes. 

He cocked an eyebrow in question, a silent plea for her to continue. 

“Well, I love modeling, but I am always worried about what may happen with it. What if I don’t get another breakthrough? What if I go nowhere with it? What if I end up regretting everything I have done? I love it now, but I know that it could dissolve overnight. I’m scared about what may happen to me if I end up hating it,” she explained, and it was like she was looking straight into his soul and reading his mind. 

He pondered her thoughts for a while as they walked hand in hand. 

“You know, I can’t let those thoughts get to me though. I see that, especially now. I need to live in the here and now, enjoy what life has given me. I can’t worry about what may come, or what happened in the past. None of that is good, for either of us. The more we focus on the present, the more happiness we will have,” she smiled. 

Again, she was right. They needed to live in the present. They needed to focus on what was right in front of them. Emma needed to work on trusting again and Killian needed to focus on getting back into a positive mindset that wasn’t so worried about what anyone thought of his game or life. They both should be using this time to focus on the present and nothing else. 

However, there was something else that was worrying Killian, and he knew Emma was worried about it as well. After these three weeks ended, what would it all mean for them? They both traveled a lot and had very different jobs. Sure, they both lived in the same city, but that really didn’t mean anything. Many of his friends had girlfriends or wives and he saw how hard it was on their relationships. Hell, he had seen it first hand. Plus, most of the spouses he knew didn’t also travel for work. 

He knew he wanted to be with Emma, wanted to fall for her all over again, to be with her no matter what. He also knew that they would have to determine what would become of them sooner or later. He didn’t know if he could handle going back to LA without her; the potential of him running into her while she was with someone else would kill him. He knew he wouldn’t be able to find anyone else who made him feel this good, but it scared him that he could eventually lose her, simply because of their lifestyles. 

He was also worried about what their whole relationship may mean. He went from being in a serious relationship with Milah, onto nothing. Now he was about to enter into a relationship, even if it was a simple one, with Emma. He wasn’t so sure if he would be able to handle it. He didn’t want his past, those insecurities brought on by Milah, to sour anything he had with Emma. But he would need to know what they had before he could work on stopping anything from ruining his chances. 

He knew it wasn’t the best opportunity to bring up their standing, but he also knew it needed to be talked about. They needed to clear the air. It was also the first time they’ve really been alone, apart from in bed together. He didn’t want to have this conversation while laying with her. He wanted to have it in the light of day, where he could focus on what she was saying and what her eyes told him, instead of feeling her body pressed against his. 

“Swan, I hate to bring this up, but what are we?” he asked, hating himself for the way he worded the question. What was he, a teenage girl, asking someone if they liked him liked him?

Thankfully, Emma didn’t take the question so seriously and laughed at him, in a way that made him feel comfortable. 

“Aren’t I the one who is supposed to be worried about those sorts of things?” she retorted, chuckling at herself.

“I know, most men wouldn't just come out and ask, but with our limited time together I have to know. What do you see us as? Where do you see this going?” The question was something that worried him. Well, maybe more of what her answer would be, but he had to know. If he had to tell her first he would, but he also wanted to hear what she wanted because in the end, he would put aside everything, every feeling, endure every pain, just to make her happy.

“I’m not really sure, but I like where everything is going,” she replied, a slight smile crossing her face. 

Even though her answer was neutral and wasn’t exactly what he was hoping for, it did give him some hope. 

“I like where this is going too, but I am worried about what it all may mean. What will happen to us once we go back to LA? What will become of us? Emma, I know you feel this too, I know you feel this connection. I don’t think I can go back to LA and just act like none of this, being around you again, never happened. Can you?” he questioned. 

“No, I don’t think I can, but at the same time, I don’t want to worry about that. I just want to live in the here and now. I don’t want to worry too much about what may happen. I don’t want that worry hanging over us. I don’t know what will happen to us when we get back, but why worry about that now? Especially when we can enjoy the time we have now. Truthfully Killian, I am not worried at all. Not when what I am feeling now, here, walking in this garden with you, is some of the best feelings I have had in a long time,” she finished, turning to look at him. 

Her eyes sparkled in the sunshine. They showed nothing but happiness and excitement. She really wasn’t worried about what was to come and it helped him to believe he shouldn’t be either. They should just enjoy the time they have together. Who knows, they may find out that whatever was going on between them wasn’t meant to be, thus ridding them of the need to figure anything out. If it did end up being something, then they would take it slow, one day at a time, and determine what they wanted when the time came. There was no point in worrying now, it would just stop them from focusing on what could make them happy, which was the whole point of what they were doing. 

“Emma, I just want to make sure we don’t hurt ourselves in the process. I don’t want to spend the next three weeks in bliss just for everything to be ripped from me…” he began before he was cut off by Emma’s finger on his lips.

“Hey, I get it. Believe me, I do. It’s something I have been wrestling with. I worry about everything, about what this all means, about my feelings for you, about the past, about the future. I really worry about how fast I am feeling things, how fast my feelings for you came back. I worry about getting my heartbroken all over again. I worry that everything is going so fast. But at the end of the day, the worry all disappears. I’ve realized that there is no point at letting my fear overtake me. The way I feel about you calms me and the fear fades away,” she explained, and his heart almost dropped to his stomach. 

How could it be that she was feeling the exact same way he was? He was worried about all the same things she was. He didn’t think his heart could take another hard break, like it did with Milah, and Killian knew that if Emma walked away from them, if they didn’t work out, he knew his heart would break even worse. 

They continued to walk, allowing what she said process within his mind. She was right, when he held her in his arms at night, when they had some quiet moments alone, the fear disappeared. Nothing mattered as long as he was around her. The fear was worth it, the potential pain was worth it, so long as they could be together. 

“You're right love, it is something we can worry about later. But I will tell you, I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to go back to LA and not see you. I don’t want to go back and not be with you. This isn’t a fling for me, Emma. This is real, and I want it to last. I want to see where it can take us,” he confessed. 

This was the most truthful they had been with each other in a very long time and it was almost cathartic. It felt good to finally tell her that he was in this for the long run, that he wasn’t going to give up on them. Sure, they weren’t really together, they were taking things a day at a time, but he would do anything to make sure that each day lead into a new one with her. 

“I don’t want this to end either,” she smiled, “but whatever happens, just know that we have the next three weeks together. Whatever happens afterwards is something we can work through with each other. I just want to see where this goes. We can worry about LA later.”

The rest of their date was a breeze. There was no more talk about what they were, what they could be or what could happen. He had taken everything she said to heart. They should spend the next three weeks just enjoying each other. If they just focused on each other, they would be able to make it. 

He knew the trip back to LA would always be in the back of his mind, constantly worrying him when things would start to get good, but he knew if his feelings for her were real, and if hers for him were as well, they could make it work. He would do absolutely everything in his power to make sure that they would work. But that was something to worry about later. 

Instead, he focused on her walking through the gardens and the estate. He loved the way her eyes lit up as they walked among the flowers. The light summer breeze kept her hair flowing and he was mesmerized with it. Her hand felt perfect in his and he never wanted to let it go. Every chance he got, he stole some kisses from her. In the quiet corner of the rose garden they walked back through for the third time, under the gazebo where the wisteria was growing wild, there were so many places where he was able to pull her into his arms and steal a short kiss, putting all his feelings into those few little seconds. 

After spending more than three hours walking around the place, it was time for them to get some food. It was still a bit too early for dinner, but he had something else in mind. He didn’t want her to be too full for what he still had planned for the rest of the night. 

He suggested they take the train to their next destination. It was something he also knew Emma enjoyed. She mentioned once that she could ride the metro all day. She loved to people watch, loved seeing the types of people who took the trains for their daily activities or those riding for the first time. Killian used to hate taking the metro in DC. The trains were old and smelly, the people were always rude and never seemed to be happy. But he was willing to suck up his personal opinions of the train to watch Emma’s enthusiasm as they walked on. 

Her giddiness only grew as Emma slowly realized where he was taking her. The smell hit them a good block before the destination came into view, and as Emma took in a deep breath, letting the vanilla and sugar infiltrate her senses, her eyes widened and a huge grin crossed her face. 

“Georgetown Cupcakes? Really?” she questioned, as the building and long line came into view. 

“Aye, I know your sweet tooth is in desperate need of a cupcake,” he winked, pulling her forwards into the line. 

He knew they would be waiting for a while, allowing them to waste some time before the dinner he had planned and give them time to just talk about nothing of importance. 

As the car pulled into the drive, Killian couldn’t contain his excitement. They had had an amazing afternoon and an even more amazing dinner. He took her to one of her favorite restaurants in the city. It was this hole in the wall pizza place that he knew she was obsessed with. During one of their late night conversations back when she was still in high school, he remembered telling her that he hadn’t found a good pizza place near campus yet, opting to just order from Dominos every time he was hungry. It made Emma go into a long, drawn out tangent about her favorite pizza place in the area. She hated that it was so far away from her house, but whenever she got the chance to go into the city, she made sure to stop by and get some pizza. 

The drive back to the Nolan household was nice and peaceful. The sun was still pretty high in the sky, as Virginia summers lasted until nine most of the time. The haze in the air and the beginning of the sun setting was starting to cast a gorgeous glow on the area. Emma’s hair shone differently now as the sun wasn’t so high in the sky. Earlier in the day, the direct sunlight made her look exquisite, but now, with the sun shining directly behind her, she was ethereal. 

There were no other cars in the drive, which surprised him a bit. He was prepared to end their night there in the car, giving her a quick kiss to thank her for the date. He was prepared to put on an act for the rest of the night until they could go to sleep, curled up in each other’s arms. But now, he would be able to actually walk into the house with her, his hand holding hers tightly. There were also some more mature thoughts running through his mind. Maybe they could actually get a chance to act on those attractions they both had. 

“I wonder where my parents are?” she questioned as they walked to the door. Thankfully she didn’t have to wonder long; there was a note taped to the mirror that hung in the foyer. 

“What is it?” he asked, not looking over her shoulder to read, giving her privacy. 

“They just went out for a late dinner with some friends and they are staying in the city to celebrate having both children finally out of the house, as dad put it. Henry is staying with Avery for the night,” she said.

“Probably going to celebrate a bit himself,” Killian added with a laugh in his voice. 

“Probably,” she agreed, with a knowing look in her eye. Henry hadn’t been a partier, from what he was told by his parents and Emma, but this was his high school graduation. He deserved to let go a bit and just be a kid for a while longer. He knew that college could be a great time to have fun, but he also knew Henry, and knew that he wouldn’t be that type. He was going to focus on his studies, so using this time to blow off steam was just what he needed. 

“So, it looks like we have the house to ourselves,” she said, as she turned to pull herself against him. 

She was so close, so he wrapped his arms around her waist and watched as she mimicked him. He could smell the mixture of pizza and flowers from their afternoon. He wanted to attack her right there in the entrance to her house, to fuse his lips to hers and mark her in ways he had only dreamed. He stopped himself though, as he knew he had to cherish every moment with her. 

“Yes it does,” he agreed, finally moving to pin her against the door so he could capture her lips. 

The kiss started out hot and heavy, their hands moving quickly against their bodies as their tongues danced between them. His hands tangled in her hair. He broke the kiss and moved down her neck. The moans escaping her throat were driving him absolutely crazy. Her eyes were closed in ecstasy, her mouth popped open in a silent plea. 

He quickly moved around her, his hands grabbing her perfect ass and lifting her in the air. Instinctively, her legs wrapped around his waist, pulling his erection right against her. A growl escaped him as he fused their lips back together, moving them quickly from the entrance to his bedroom. 

Unlike in the movies, the walk up to the second floor was anything but smooth. He almost tripped a couple of times, causing Emma to laugh in between kisses. Normally, he would curse at the stairs for interrupting their moment together, but Emma’s laughter was perfect. It broke down the wall of seriousness that surrounded their encounter and made things a bit more normal. He loved the intensity that they had at the beginning, but also loved the comfort that he got from being around her. 

As they entered his room, he gently placed Emma on the bed. Her hair fanned out behind her, continuing to drive him crazy. He didn’t think he would be able to control himself long enough for him to take all the time he wanted with her. 

He quickly got rid of his shirt as Emma scooted up into the center of the bed, propping her head on the pillows that were placed meticulously on the bed. He knew her mother had come into the room to clean earlier in the day. But he had to wipe his mind of all that, as he had a gorgeous beauty laying right in front of him, reaching up to pull him down to her. 

As their bodies molded against each other, he allowed the moment to sweep over him. This time, he wouldn’t let anything stop them from feeling everything they wanted to feel. Her hands on his body, feeling his muscles flex beneath her touch, was something he would never be able to get over. He would never be used to the feeling of her nails scraping down his back. 

He moved down her body, peppering her with kisses as he removed the see through shirt. Her matching burgundy bra was killing him. He wanted to remove it quickly and finally begin to see her, but he also knew he needed to take his time cherishing her body the way she deserved. Something told him that Neal never took the time to appropriately appreciate what he had in front of him. 

His lips danced over her perfect skin. Goosebumps raised beneath his lips, prompting slight shivers from her as he moved down her body. As he reached those white pants that drove him crazy earlier, he took his sweet time taking them off. He could tell he was driving her out of her mind. Her head was rocking back and forth, soft moans escaping her lips each time his lips or hands caressed her skin.

“Just get them off already,” she finally cried as he slowly unzipped the zipper.

“All in good time love, good things come to those who wait,” he winked, but complied by removing her pants.

He did however take his time moving back up her body. Her legs were nothing but perfect and his hands loved the way her calves felt beneath his grasp. However, it was what rested between her legs that he couldn’t wait to get to. 

Her panties matched her bra. The deep red color bringing a huge contrast out of her skin tone. As he reached the apex, kissing her slightly on the outside of her damped underwear, he took in her scent. He had thought about this all day, how intoxicating she was, how he was completely overwhelmed by her, but in that moment, he never wanted to smell anything else. She was completely sweet and delicious. 

Using his teeth, he removed her panties. But before he could meet her wanting clit, he made good work of her bra as well. He paid close attention to the perkiness of her breasts. He took one into his mouth and slightly bit down on her nipple, causing her to raise herself off the bed with a loud moan. 

“Holy shit Killian, please,” she begged as her hands found his hair. 

He couldn’t ignore her pleas anymore. 

He quickly moved down her body, leaving one hand on her breast, while using the other one to help him finally taste her. His tongue slowly came out and played with her clit. An exclamation came out of her mouth, followed quickly by a string of curses, which edged him on. His tongue moved more quickly, fully lapping her up. He used his lips to suck slightly on her nub, pulling her into his mouth as he let out a moan causing her to shutter. 

His free hand began to move across her thigh and towards her waiting entrance. He teased her a bit, prompting a bit more curses to leave her lips. He was truly enjoying how he could turn her on and bring her to the brink of pleasure. He inserted one finger into her waiting quim, curling it instinctively, pulling it out slowly. Her walls clamped down around him, and he could tell that she was getting close to the edge of the abyss. 

“Oh my God Killian,” she cried, lifting her head off the pillow just a bit, moving her hands to thread in his head, pushing him closer into her.

“You taste exquisite love,” he whispered against her before getting back to work. 

This time, instead of using just one finger, he inserted two, and slowly began to pump them. His mouth went back to her clit, sucking slightly in between long licks. All too soon, he felt her falling. Her loud moan was all he needed. He would never tire of hearing her like this, having her fall apart thanks to his skill. Her walls tightened around him as her hips raised off the bed, wanting to both pull away from him and needing to be consumed by him. 

He brought her down from her high by lapping her slowly, moving the one hand that had been busy massaging her breast down to massage her thigh. As she calmed down, he looked up to the best view he had ever seen. Her skin was flushed pink, her chest rising and falling hard. Her eyes were closed, with her head tilted to press into the pillow in pure exhaustion. 

“You alright there love?” he asked as he moved back up the bed to pull her close to him. Her body melted perfectly into him, causing his erection to jerk as her ass came to sit in the curve of his lap. 

“Perfect, just give me a minute,” he could hear the smile in her voice. 

She didn’t need a minute though. Within seconds of laying with his arms around her, she began to wiggle closer to him, pushing her ass back to rub against his erection. His jeans were becoming too restrictive, but he didn’t want to leave the embrace that surrounded him. 

“You are wearing too many clothes,” she said in a sultry voice, turning in his arms to face him.

She leaned up towards him and captured his lips. Her hand came to massage his member from the outside of his jeans. 

“Aye, seems like I am,” he said in between kisses. 

In the awkward position they were in, he removed his jeans as quick as he could. Again, he thought movies don’t always make it realistic, and laying on his side made the removal a bit difficult. However, once he had them and his tight boxers off, she was on top of him, devouring his lips as she slid over him. Her fluids were coating him, preparing him for something he had been waiting for forever.

“Killian, I need you,” she breathed into his ear, then took his earlobe into her mouth and pulled slightly, eliciting a moan from him. 

“You are you positive love?” he asked, needing to make sure that she was ready to take this step with him, because he knew the moment their bodies fused together, there would be no going back for him. 

“Yes, please Killian, take me,” she begged, rolling off of him and back onto her back. 

He reached over into the beside table for a condom, which he made quick use of. As he turned back, he saw her tentatively playing with herself, waiting and preparing herself for him. A smile shone on her lips, a teasing look in her eyes. 

He moved above her, hovering, taking in her face. She was absolutely beautiful. 

Lowering himself down to meet her lips, he slid into her, causing her to release a slight yelp as her lips met his. He was concerned at first that he had harmed her that he paused inside of her. He studied her face, waiting for her eyes to open back up.

“Move Killian,” she begged after a beat. 

It was all the permission he needed, so he indulged her request. He began to move slowly, but with purpose. He kept her lips on his as his hips thrust into her. Her hands moved across his back, digging her nails into him. Soon, his thrusts began to quicken, needing to be deep inside of her, needing to feel her around him. 

“You feel so good Emma,” he said as he broke the kiss, moving his lips down to her throat, gliding his tongue across her vein. 

“Please Killian, harder,” she cried, pushing herself up on her elbows, changing the position in which he was entering her. He obliged. 

One of her hands moved from the bed to meet her clit, rubbing it gently as she kept eye contact with him. The position was good, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to last much longer if she continued. He could feel her walls pulsing against him. 

He pulled out of her, causing a pout to cross her face, but he couldn’t help but smile. He turned her body effortlessly, her ass raising to meet him naturally. She looked at him over her shoulder with a look that was bewildered and excited. He forget how forceful and aggressive he could be in bed, but something told him that it aroused her. The look she was giving him was telling him to keep going, to take what was his, to make her his. Her mouth was propped open, waiting to cry out for him. 

He slammed into her, his hands on her hips, steadying her. She cried out, but this time he knew the cry was one of utmost euphoria. Her head flung back as he continued to drive into her. He was so deep within her, both figuratively and literally. He knew there would be no coming back from this. He was going to need Emma in his life for the rest of it. He would never get enough of her body, the way it moved against him as he entered her, the way she met him with each thrust, the way it responded to his slightest touch. He would never get tired of hearing her moans and pleas for more. There was no way he would be able to live without hearing her sighs of passion again. 

He leaned over her body, moving one hand to help steady himself enough to keep up the pace they had made, while one moved down to circle her clit. He needed her to come around him, needed to feel her fall apart for him again. He wanted to know what it was like to come with her. 

He played with her for a few minutes, stopping right as she was on the verge of falling, prolonging their bliss. He knew that he needed to send her over the edge again, and he was ready to chase after her. He picked up the pace of his thrusts, watching her breasts bob with each hit, as his hand sped up against her nub. 

He took his eyes off her body and looked at her face. Her eyes were closed in pure happiness. He leaned forward a bit more and whispered in her ear.

“Come for me Emma.” His voice didn’t usually sound like this. His voice was deeper and his accent stronger, thicker. 

Within moments, she was pulsing, falling, screaming. Her orgasm wracked through her system, causing her legs to give way beneath her, but he let up a bit, allowing him to remove his hand from the bed, holding her in place as her high came crashing down on her. As her walls contracted around him, he fell too, her name on his lips, followed by a string of curses. 

He wasn’t able to hold her anymore, so they collapsed in a heap on the bed, tangled in each other’s limbs. The comforter felt cool against his skin. He made sure not to land on top of her, instead moving them to their starting position. He didn’t have the energy to move them much more, and he didn’t need to. The heat from her skin kept him comfortable and before he knew it, they were both falling asleep in each other’s arms. 

It took every ounce of energy Mary Margaret and Adelaide had to not confront their children about the date that they were definitely going on. Yet, they still found a way to meddle. They decided to give the kids a night to themselves, hoping that the thought and option of being alone would push the two together in a way that wouldn’t allow them to second guess the feelings they both clearly had for each other. 

However, Mary Margaret didn’t do exactly what the note they left them said. Instead of going into the city to stay at a hotel and have a nice dinner, they had a quiet dinner next door and opted to stay at a bed and breakfast close by. It gave her the perfect opportunity to see if what their kids had was real. Sure, it was kind of creepy, according to her husband, but she had to see it for herself. She had been out of Emma’s life for so long that she couldn’t help it. Emma was an adult, and Mary Margaret knew for a fact what would eventually happen between the two old friends, but she just wanted to see Emma’s face, to make sure that she was truly happy. 

She wasn’t surprised to see them walk hand in hand into the house when they arrived back from their date. A smile crossed the woman’s face as she saw just how happy Emma looked when she locked eyes with Killian. 

However, her smile grew as she noticed that no lights were turned on in the house. Maybe, just maybe, the two of them were finally allowing their instinct to take over. Maybe her daughter would finally find someone who fit her perfectly and who made her happy.


	11. Chapter 11

Waking up in Killian’s arms the next morning was everything Emma thought it would be and so much more. It was still hard for her to believe that all of this was true, that she finally got what she used to wish for. They had had an amazing date, where he was nothing but a gentleman who doted on her and made her feel like she was worthy of something. Their dinner was filled with laughter and memories. In fact, Emma couldn’t remember a time where she had more fun on a date. Sure, her only comparison was Neal, who never made her feel the way Killian did, but still, it was something. Then, coming back to her childhood home, only to be wrapped in Killian’s strong arms and to feel the emotions he had for her, was mind boggling. 

Halfway during the night, after the second round of sex that Killian was able to fit in, when Emma had to pee, she found herself worrying that it was all too good to be true. Everything was starting to fall into place and that was something she wasn’t quite sure was possible. Maybe she was sick and this was all a fever dream and she was really back in LA with Ruby, doped up on Nyquil. Maybe she had a tumor, creating these magical scenarios in her mind that weren’t real. All she knew was that there was no way in hell that this was at all possible. Her life was too fucked up for it to finally be good. 

As she stood in the doorway watching Killian slumber, she did find herself pinching her arm, just to make sure this was all real. The pain was there. Emma couldn’t help but smile, knowing that even though the past was screwed up, that they both had demons they had to constantly face, that they both had past lives that defined them, they had found each other. They had finally come back to what was right, what made sense. 

Damn it, her mother was right. Love does find its way back to you when you least expect it. Emma caught herself using the term, and it didn’t surprise or worry her as much as she feared. Love, she realized, was something that had always been lingering between them. Even when they were just friends, Emma knew she loved Killian Jones. The only difference was the fact that Emma finally knew what that love meant. 

What she was feeling for him now was different than what she felt then. Sure, there was the normal feeling of joy whenever she was around him, the feeling that life just wasn’t the same without him in it. But now, there was more. It was like life didn’t make sense without him in it. Maybe that was why she had so many problems in LA, with her mom, with friends. Maybe without Killian to talk to, to support her, her life just didn’t work.

Now that he had reappeared, at a time when she really did need him, things started to fall into place. She had made up with her mom, in fact she thought that their relationship would actually grow over the next few weeks, and that was something she wasn’t prepared for. She had finally realized just how shitty her old friends were. She had finally come to terms with everything that had happened in their past. 

It was all going fast though, she knew that. To think that she had fallen in love with him this quickly was a bit scary. But, she also knew that it was right. She had loved him before, so falling back into these feelings was normal. At least that is what she told herself. 

She wasn’t just scared because it was quick. She was scared because of what it could all mean. Yesterday, she told him to just let everything fall where it may, to go with the flow, to not worry. Now, things were different. She understood his trepidation about their relationship. She knew how much Neal’s escapades hurt her and she knew that if anything was to happen with Killian, she would shatter completely. There was no coming back from this, there was nothing after. 

She wouldn’t tell him of these feelings, not yet. She would wait till they were on solid ground. She also couldn’t help but think that these feelings were just because of the intimacy they shared the previous night. It was the post-coital glow and hormones that were making her feel this way. In the morning, in the harsh light of day, maybe she wouldn’t feel like this. The emotion may still be there, but not as strong. It could also change over the next few weeks. They could find out that they just don’t work together, that this time they shared was just because of a forced situation. 

She hoped none of that was true, but this was her fashion. She always did this. Better to prepare for something that may never happen, then not be prepared at all. Better to hide your true feelings until everything is certain, than to jump head first into shallow water. 

All of those thoughts though were for tomorrow, for a different day. For now, she just wanted to be in bed with the man who had given her the best orgasms of her life, and maybe get another one before her parents showed up. 

Over the next three weeks things progressed traditionally. Emma is pretty sure her parents knew about her and Killian. She was expecting one of them to at least throw a fit about them sharing a bathroom, which would in turn have them learning they were sharing a bedroom. They were hoping they were keeping that particular fact a secret, but she was starting to notice the looks her mother kept throwing at her. They tore through her in a way she didn’t think possible; it was like her mother knew exactly what Emma was feeling. It was like her mother could feel Emma’s worry, fear, happiness, and even the giddiness that came from the playful smiles Killian would flash her. Her father must know as well, but didn’t change his behavior at all. That surprised Emma, especially since she had always been daddy’s little girl. 

Henry knew for sure. He had caught them about a week later. Emma thought she had woken early enough to sneak downstairs for some coffee to surprise Killian. She didn’t think to use her own bedroom door. So when she quietly exited Killian’s room, with his shirt on, she was not expecting her little brother to be waiting for her. He was leaning against the wall across from the room, his PJs still on and rumpled. He looked just like their dad did in the mornings. His hair stuck out in random places and his face still showed the sleep it had just woken from. 

She felt like the silence between them lasted for hours, when in reality it was probably only seconds. Henry was staring at her and she was unable to read his face. Was he pissed? Was he surprised? Did he even care? There was no smile on his face, just a flat line where his lips were pressed together. His brow wasn’t furrowed, but it wasn’t fully relaxed either. 

“Well, well, well, well, well,” he finally said in a slow voice that sounded almost accusatory. 

“Henry, it’s not…” she began before being interrupted.

“What I think? What I think is that you have been sleeping with Killian behind my back. What I think is that you’ve been dating him since you got back and you haven’t told me. What I think is that you owe me big, like taking me out for drinks in LA big. Definitely big enough that I don’t tell mom and dad what you all have been doing in the late night hours,” he said as he finally smiled, letting Emma finally be able to piece together that her brother was jokingly trying to blackmail her. 

“You little shit,” Emma huffed under her breath, unsure if she should take him seriously or not. She could see the playfulness in his eyes now, but something also told her that he meant business. 

“Hey, how else am I really going to experience LA. The true LA. You would never take me to a real bar if I didn’t have something to force your hand,” he said slyly. 

“Fine, but not one word to mom or dad, and I’m only taking you to the bar, I’m not supplying you with anything,” she countered. 

“I don’t know sis, I mean, I don’t think mom would appreciate her bedding getting ruined in the way it has been. Think of all those poor sheets have been through. You know how she feels about those Laura Ashley prints,” he replied.

Of course he would have a counter offer. He was going to milk this for all it was worth. Even if he seemed OK with what was happening between his sister and the neighbor, he was still going to use it to get what he wanted. She had taught him too well. 

“Fine, one drink,” she said, extending her hand out to him. 

“One drink, but if I have to hear you two again in the middle of the night, you will owe me more,” he said, shaking her hand and shocking her at the same time. 

“What?” she bit out, petrified that the whole house had heard them earlier. 

Yesterday, Killian had taken her down to the amusement park. It was a long ride, but so worth it. She hadn’t seen him that much during the week, as baseball practice and time with his family took up much of his free time. She didn’t mind though. She could tell being back on the field and back in somewhat good graces with his family was helping him heal. She even noticed him and his father talking during the week at a dinner. She wondered what they would be like at the traditional Nolan/Jones meal later that day. 

They had spent the day riding rides and getting wet, in a non intimate way. Sure, Killian still found a way to turn everything Emma did into a innuendo, but it made her laugh, so she didn’t mind. He held her hand tight on the roller coaster, cursing her as he did. He hated them, but Emma really loved them. She loved the feeling of her hair flying behind her. She loved the feeling the loops gave her stomach when she was at the very top of them. Killian, on the other hand, called them death traps and refused to get on them until Emma made him a deal he couldn’t refuse. If he got on the ride with her now, she would show him a better ride later that night. 

She blushed as she thought about it. The rest of the day was a blur to her, as her mind couldn’t help but picture what was in store for them when they got back to the Nolan household. Since their night together, they indulged themselves every chance they got. They knew they had to be quiet though, as the walls in the Nolan house were pretty thin and her mother had a tendency to be nosy. She almost didn’t make it an hour, she wanted to jump his bones right there outside a gross and disgusting public restroom in the park. He would have probably been down for it too. She was also tempted to pull him into one of the changing stalls near the water park of the amusement area, but decided against it as there were too many witnesses. 

However, spending the next four hours watching him move around in his board shorts, his muscles flexing as he lifted the tubes up for their ride, drove her insane with need. She was going to show him a good ride that night, if she could only hold it together a while longer. 

She knew he was having a hard time too, considering what she was wearing. She heard the audible gasp from him as she stepped out from the changing area, her bikini on full display. Emma knew the reason for the gasp, it was the same reason why she was a finalist for the new Victoria’s Secret show. Her body perfectly filled out the yellow bikini. Her lines were toned and tanned just enough, yet she was curvy enough to be real. She remembered the compliment he gave her as he stepped into the dressing room himself. He had told her she was the most beautiful creature on the planet and he was one lucky bastard to get her all to himself. 

After the water park, they gathered with the crowd at the main plaza to watch the water show and fireworks. Killian held her in his arms the entire time, not wanting to let go. She felt at peace; she felt home. Her head fit perfectly against his shoulder. Once, she had tried to do this with Neal, but his shoulder was too bony and he complained that her hair was in his face and was annoying him. Killian on the other hand, turned right into her hair. She knew he loved the smell of it. He pulled her closer as he took a deep breath, then rested his head on hers. 

“This was a perfect day love, I am so glad I got to spend it with you,” was all she heard before the fireworks began, causing them both to look up in awe. 

After the longest car ride home of her life, she was finally able to give Killian her thanks. She thought they got home late enough that everyone had already gone to bed. She knew they couldn’t be too loud, but the way Killian used his tongue against her clit, she couldn’t help but shout out her first orgasm. 

He had taken her by surprise; as soon as they walked into his room, he had her pinned against the door and her pants off in a flash. He was lapping at her like a man with a purpose within two minutes. His tongue was doing things to her it has never done before and she was starting to realize that he had skills she would never tire of. In the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but thank Milah, since she must have taught him some of this. He was so talented with his fingers, with his tongue, and with his cock, that she knew the woman who once broke his heart also taught him how to pleasure a woman. 

As his fingers came up to join his tongue on their assault of her hardened nub, she came crashing down, but he never stopped. Killian kept licking, kept stroking, two of his fingers pulsing in and out of her hot core in a desperate fashion. It was like he needed her to come again, and quickly. She knew she couldn’t hold in the pleasure any longer, and she must have screamed louder than necessary. 

By the end, he had made her come twice more like that, pinned against the door while he worshipped her on his knees. She would have marks in the morning along her back and her legs felt like they were going to melt away any second, but she knew he wasn’t done with her. He scooped her up and brought her to the bed, where he made her come two more times as he thrusted his cock into her. 

She didn’t think there were any additional ways for Killian to take her, not after the week of fucking they had done. He had taken her in just about every way imaginable. She was sore, but properly so. Never had a soreness felt so right and so good. Earlier in the week, he had taken her in the shower, something Neal had never done. It was a whole new experience, and one she wanted to relive soon. As Killian moved around her, she imagined her licking the droplets of water off of his skin, just as he had done to her. Her hands instinctively went to her soaking nub. She knew she would be so sore in the morning, that she would need a nice hot bath to rejuvenate her body, but it was all worth it. 

“Love, I don’t remember giving you permission to touch yourself,” he scolded her as he moved into position. 

Killian wasn’t that type of lover, but she enjoyed the little game they had. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her touching herself, in fact he loved it. But in those moments, he always wanted her pleasure for himself. 

“I wouldn’t have to if you just took me already,” she scolded him.

“Aye, that is just what I was about to do,” he said, sliding into her. 

Her wanting core gave no resistance to his cock. She was fully ready for him and a loud moan escaped her lips as his cock entered her. She was laying on her side, facing away from him. His lips at her neck and his hand holding her leg over his, just high enough to allow him to penetrate her deeply. He knew just what she needed, and it was always deep and hard. She had to feel him at all times, taking her, marking her, making her his. 

Within minutes she was coming again, simply from the force of his cock sliding in and out of her wet quim. Never before had she come from just a cock. She used to always need the external stimulation, but Killian was not normal. She wasn’t normal with him. She shook around him as he slowed his pace to begin to build her back up. 

When she came for the last time, with his fingers playing with the other hole and with him now behind her, slamming into her hard, he came too, with a cry that she was almost sure could wake the neighborhood. She didn’t care though, she was in such a state of euphoria that nothing around her but him mattered. 

“Henry, I’m sorry, I… we… didn’t… you…” she wasn’t quite sure what to say to her little brother. 

She knew he wasn’t so sheltered that he didn’t know what sex was or even what it was like, but still. She was his big sister and it was her job to protect him, to make sure she didn’t scar him for life.

“It’s OK Emma. I’m an eighteen year old boy you know, it’s not like I haven’t heard those sounds before. All I am saying is that if I have to hear it again, you will owe more so much more, because if I heard it, you know mom and dad probably did too,” he said, winking. 

“I’m sorry,” she began, sliding down her wall to sit in the hallway, her brother mimicking her, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner about Killian and I, and I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

“It’s fine, really. I kind of knew something was going on with you guys when you first got home. I just figured you would tell me if it became serious. But after hearing that, I decided to use it to my advantage. Two birds, one stone and all of that.” She smiled at him. He really had grown up. 

“So, why don’t you also make it up to me by taking me to Starbucks with you and getting me a drink? We have a lot to catch up on,” he offered, as he rose from his position. 

“That we do kid, that we do.” 

They always had dates on the weekends, leaving the week wide open for Kilian to recover from practices, time for both of their families, and time to just relax. It had been years since Emma got to just sit around and do nothing. Normally, if she tried back in LA, she would find something she needed to work on. The laundry needed doing, the dishes had to be washed or grocery shopping sometimes. Often she would find that Ruby needed her help with something. But at home, Emma could sleep in as late as she wanted and just relax during the day. Her mother did everything that Emma would normally worry about. 

For the first time in what seemed like centuries she was able to actually read a book, like really sit down and read it. She normally had a book when she went on photo shoots or casting calls, but rarely was she able to get lost in them. She tried to read on the plane rides when she had a special photo shoot, but half the time it made her sick and the other half she had friends, if you could call them that, along for the ride. 

She was needing to get through the latest in her favorite series, especially since the final season was about to premiere. Unlike the book, the show was religiously watched by Ruby, Lacey and herself. Half the time they had a little party every Sunday to celebrate. They would drink to their hearts desires and discuss which character was the hottest and who was going to die that week. 

She was also able to actually lounge by a pool. Their neighborhood boasted a community pool. It had been years since Emma had actually been to it, refusing to go during high school as it seemed like such a juvenile place to go. Instead, her and her friends would use someone’s private pool or head out on the river. Just like with her house, the pool was just how she remembered it, except for the addition of a water slide for the kids and some additional sunning areas. She used to love sitting out in the sun and just letting it warm her soul. 

Thankfully, her mother instilled in her a need for sunscreen. Emma was always lathered up in at least SPF 50, keeping her skin at a perfect color and never allowing her to burn. She also never stayed out too long, just enough to lull her into a sleepy state before she would return home for a nap. 

The sun felt good and refreshing. It reminded her of just why she came home in the first place. She needed to get away from LA, from the smog and congestion. Sure, Washington DC was busy and probably just as polluted, especially from the swampy politics that happened, but it was different. The air was different. Hell, even the sun felt different. Things made sense here. She needed to clear her mind, to rid herself of thoughts of Neal, thoughts of fighting with her mother, thoughts that she wasn’t good enough to model. She was finding that DC was doing all of that for her. Sure, she had thought about Neal a few times she since had been home, how could she not, when she was comparing what they used to have to what she was experiencing with Killian? But, she never thought of Neal in a positive light or in a way that made her want to return to LA to be with him. 

Her subconscious told her it was all because of Killian. If Killian had not been on that plane, if kismet or fate or whatever you call it, didn’t bring them together, reunite them, then she would have caved and gone back to Neal and his cheating ass within a week of being home. If nothing came of their relationship, she would always be thankful that Killian was present and helped her over that hurdle. 

He had messaged her of course. When the first text came in about a day after she arrived home, she ignored it. She didn’t want to read what it said, since she pretty much already knew it would be filled with his bullshit lies and promises about being better. She also knew they would probably be filled with anger and hostility at being locked out of his apartment with his shit being tossed on the front porch. She actually pictured it as Ruby explained Lacey’s job during Emma’s vacation. 

Neal would message her, apologizing, begging to be taken back. He would then show up unannounced at her apartment, in some lame attempt at trying to be romantic. He would then find himself locked out and his stuff in boxes on the porch. He would send her a couple of very rude text messages. She actually wouldn’t be surprised if he called her a cunt in any of them. She remembered him calling some stranger that once. If she had been a stronger person at the time, that moment would have been the end of their relationship. Then, anywhere from 6 hours to two days, depending on how much he drank the night before and what, he would apologize again, promising he didn’t mean it, that he was just drunk and upset. 

It was their final weekend in DC when Emma finally decided to look at the text messages. She was curious at what he was saying, since it had been almost three weeks and he was still texting her with no reply. She was mostly just wanting to get rid of the notifications on her screen though. She would sometimes forget everything that happened, look at her phone to see 20 plus unread messages and get excited that Ruby had sent her something, only to be disappointed to remember it was just Neal. 

When she did look, she was surprised. There was nothing in the texts about an apology. The first text was him telling her that she needed to get her shit out of the apartment, since it belonged to him. She actually snorted at that one. She began to laugh hysterically when she read the second message that said if she didn’t he would see her in court. She would love to see him try and bullshit his way onto a lease. Thankfully, Ruby and Lacey had made sure to get multiple copies of her lease before she left so that Emma didn’t have to deal with Neal in that manner. 

After a few more texts about getting her shit so that he could finally move on with Tamara, came the text that actually gutted her. He had told her that he had been with Tamara for over a year and a half and they were engaged. It wasn’t that Emma was sad over that, it was just she was shocked. How could something like this was happening behind her back for so long? How was she so blind as not to see it? 

A few texts later came the yelling that she predicted about the apartment being locked. She was surprised it took him a few days to get to that, considering his threats earlier on. He was so upset that Lacey and Ruby had drank all of his Cristal. Emma wasn’t there for that. She knew Ruby knew about his secret stash of the expensive champagne, she just didn’t think her friend would actually steal it and drink a thousand dollars worth of it. 

The final texts were simpler, less angry and more final. They were simply tasks that they had to complete in order to make this real, according to him. They did have the cable together, which needed to get sorted out. His cell phone was still technically connected to hers. The internet was also under both of their names. The texts were simple reminders for Emma to fix them when she got back from “wherever the fuck she was doing whatever the fuck she was doing”, in his words. 

She sat back after reading through them all, exhausted from just the sheer volume of shit that their relationship was. She couldn’t believe that for years, she allowed herself to be treated the way Neal treated her. She didn’t know how she could have allowed herself to be so unhappy. She scrolled through her phone, looking at pictures of them over the last couple of years. Sure, they had gotten rid of the pictures in her apartment, but the ones of her phone stayed thanks to the multiple social media apps she had. 

She looked at herself in the most recent selfie she snapped with Neal. It was at a bar a few nights before the incident. She took a good hard look and realized she wasn’t really happy in that picture. She lit up the screen, her smile was wide and her cheeks flushed, but her eyes said it all. It was false, all of it. Every feeling she had for him was a facade. 

It was completely different than the picture she found of her and Killian. Henry had taken a picture of them at his graduation party. She didn’t realize he had gotten the picture. They had a ton of pictures of them standing near each other in family pictures, but none like the one Henry snapped. It had been taken without them knowing. They must have just come back from one of their secret little rendezvous. Emma was looking at Killian with complete adoration and Killian was staring at her like she was the sun that lit up his world. Both of their eyes sparkled with joy as they looked at each other. 

Emma really couldn’t believe the differences in the relationships she found herself in. It was a bit crazy to think of the changes she saw in herself when someone really cared about her. It was something she didn’t want to give up when they went back to LA and it was something she was going to tell Killian about. She had made her decision; when they got back to LA, she would do whatever was necessary to stay with Killian. Screw leaving it up to chance. 

She had two tricks up her sleeve for their last weekend in the area. First, she was going to tell Killian that no matter what, she was his and when they got back to LA, nothing would change. Second, she was going to tell him while doing something she hoped he would really enjoy, watching a professional baseball game. 

She had hoped that bringing him to a game would spark a new love of the game in him. He had said his love for the game was starting to come back. The last three weeks had been enjoyable, at least that is what he said. However, Emma thought he was missing something. He had been focusing on his love for the game, how he felt when he threw the ball, how it felt being back on the field, but he was forgetting one large thing. He was forgetting how it felt to be around a crowd. He was forgetting how his playing could make others feel, how he could inspire young boys and girls to chase their dreams and how he was even a little part of families making memories. 

She didn’t tell him where they were going when they got on the train, but soon enough, he put the pieces together. 

“Emma, I’m not sure this is a good idea,” he said warily. 

“I think it will be good for you,” she began, taking his hand in hers and rested it on her legs. 

“I really do. You’ve forgotten the best part of the game, the audience. Trust me, this will be good for you. Just enjoy the day with me.”

He turned to her and she couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face. He looked at her with the utmost trust, like he was literally putting his life in her hands. 

She winked back at him and sat back to enjoy the train ride, knowing that soon the train would be packed and hot from the crowd. 

She loved the walk to the park from the train station. It was filled with families going to their first game, drunken college guys acting a fool, drunken college girls falling over the guys acting a fool, and the hard core fans decked out in their National’s gear. 

She had made sure the game wasn’t against Killian’s actual team, but that didn’t stop the random Dodger’s t-shirts from being worn. Thankfully, Killian was incognito in his jeans, white shirt and sunglasses. His hair and beard had grown a bit since they arrived, which helped to keep him out of the spotlight. She could tell it worried him a bit, being noticed. However, something told her that no one would bother them today. 

Emma was glad that she wore what she did. It was hotter than she expected, but that was thanks to the Virginia humidity. It was the one thing she missed about LA, no humidity. When the forecaster said the temperature would be 98 degrees, he meant it. In Virginia, when they said 98 degrees, that normally meant that it would feel like 120 in the sun. But her dress allowed her to feel cooler, plus she made sure their tickets were good enough to be in the shade. 

She was thankful she remembered to bring a dress that was in the team colors, and one that was light and breezy. Plus, she loved the string back that allowed Killian’s fingers to glide over her skin as he held her waist while they walked through the large crowd to their seats. 

As the game began and the show got on the road, Emma couldn’t help but see how stoic Killian was. He was seated straight up in his seat and looked so uncomfortable. It was like he was being forced to sit there and endure the most extreme torture any man could endure. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea, and her mind started to unravel. She mentally beat herself up for subjecting him to this. She should have made sure he was OK with it. 

As if he was reading her mind, seeing her internal drama unfold, he relaxed and bit and squeezed the hand that he hadn’t let go of since getting of the train. 

“I’m sorry, I’m letting my mind get the best of me. You’re right, I should just relax and try to enjoy watching the game,” he said, his voice soft and reassuring. 

“I should have asked you first,” she whispered, looking sad.

“No, it’s fine. It’s something I need to face, and I am glad that you are the one I am facing it with. It does feel good to be back in the ballpark. I forgot the energy that comes with the game that the minors don’t have. It’s quite reenergizing.” The confession took her a bit by surprise, but she was glad he was willing to do something like this. 

She relaxed a bit as well, and they actually enjoyed most of the game. They didn’t really talk much, but Emma kept her eyes on him almost the whole time. She couldn’t have told you who was at bat or what the score was, all because she was overwhelmed by him. She wanted to make sure he was doing OK, but the smile on his face as he seemingly started to let everything go told her she had made the right choice. She hadn’t seen him so happy in their three weeks. She was glad she was part of getting that smile back on his face. 

The game sped by and before they knew it, the game had ended and it was time to leave. Emma had thought multiple times that she would tell Killian how she felt, but as she watched him watch the game, she couldn’t find the right way to tell him. She knew that if she said she wanted them to make it work, that baseball would take a back seat to their relationship. She knew he would give her everything, do anything, just to be with her. She would do the same for him. 

She couldn’t find it in her heart to tell him. She wanted him to go back to the game, wanted him to be happy again, and she couldn’t be the reason that that was being taken away from him. She knew he would be happy with her, but she would end up resenting herself, or he would. She couldn’t bear that. The game made him too happy and she didn’t want to get in the way of that. 

However, there was one thing they could do. Well, one thing she could do. They weren’t scheduled to be on the same flight back to LA. Killian was scheduled to take an early flight on Sunday morning, while Emma was scheduled to take a late night flight, not getting into LA until close to midnight. She didn’t want to spend that time without him, didn’t want to leave without him. She wanted to end this trip the same way she started it; sitting besides Killian on the plane.

“What would you say about me rescheduling my flight to match yours?” she asked him, getting his attention from the crowd leaving the stadium. 

“I was actually wondering the same thing love,” his smile bright and sly. He was clearly hiding something from her.

“You already did, didn’t you?” her question made his smile brighter. 

“I may have already called Graham and told him I need to fly out later, something to do with my erratic mother and her wanting one last meal together, or something along those lines. He was happy enough to make the accommodation, said I sounded good and that maybe the few extra hours will be just as good as the time I’ve spent here already,” he said, squeezing her hand and pulling her into his side. 

“I hope that’s ok,” he added, a bit unsure.

“It’s more than OK, I’m glad actually. I didn’t want to leave without you,” she whispered, wanting to add she didn’t want to go on without him either. 

Hugs were given freely. Emma’s mother and Adelaide weren’t crying, which surprised her. Her mother has always been strong, never really crying except for at monumental occasions, but she expected some tears for Emma’s going away. Who knew when they both would be coming back to DC and she doubted her mother would fly to visit, so she expected something. 

“Promise to come home soon darling, the both of you. We’ve missed you two so much, and you certainly keep us on our toes,” Adelaide said as she pulled Emma into a hug. 

“I will try, I promise,” she agreed. 

“And keep my son safe. I know you two have grown close, just make sure you are both happy, and you’ll never let me down,” she whispered. 

Emma wasn’t quite sure how to respond, but deep down, she was happy that Adelaide seemed to know about her and Killian and was supportive of whatever they were. It was hard for them to not put a label on anything, but it was even harder keeping everything secret. Emma wasn’t close with her mother, but she knew if she told her about her and Killian and things didn’t work out, Mary Margaret would be heartbroken. It would break both of the mother’s hearts and their families relationship might never recover. She couldn’t do that to either woman. 

As they walked towards security, she felt a slight brush against her hand and the shock told her it was Killian’s. 

“Are you OK love?” he asked in a slight whisper. 

“Yeah, I’ll be OK,” she smiled, grabbing his hand once they were out of view of their parents.

As long as she had him, she was going to be fine; they both were.


End file.
